Kathleen

What are the negative effects of manipulation?

 

The negative effects of continued use of manipulation to control others are that:

How is manipulation a control issue?

Manipulation is a control issue because:

It can be a "politically savvy'' tool to handle over-controlling, intimidating & autocratic people, places, or things, by giving the impression that the others have the "power'' when in reality you're freely doing what you need to do in order to politically survive & thus retain the "locus of control'' in your own hands.

 

The goal of manipulation is to control & overpower other people to do what you want them to do for you.

 

It's the unhealthy use of "power'' tactics to get something for yourself even if it robs others of their freedom of choice, reason & rationality.

 

It uses control behaviors such as suicidal gestures to blackmail people to do & be for you the way you want them to be.

 

Sets up over controllers to rescue, as you get away w/shifting your responsibility for yourself off on others, you'll become more helpless so will seek out "fixers,'' "caretakers'' & "rescuers'' to take care of you.

 

Hooks others since you might be an unchangeable & uncontrollable factor in someone else's life & yet keep that person "hooked'' into trying to "be there'' for you when it becomes unhealthy or toxic for that person to continue to do so.

 

It involves dishonesty, deceit, use of masks, lack of clarity of messages sent & pretense in order to get people to be the way you want them to be.

 

It can be a subtle use of control over others since you get them to do for you what they might not have freely chosen to do on their own will.

 

It's a form of mind control or brainwashing to control the thinking of others in a way which may not be consistent w/their previous pattern of behavior, feeling or thinking.

 

Subversive means to get others to puppet what you lead them to do is use of power & control which is problematic & dangerous for those manipulated.

 

Power position since tt places the "manipulator'' in a power position in control of the emotions & reasoning of those being manipulated. "Survival'' technique which allows you to retain control of your life to ensure you that no one takes advantage of you.

 

Power struggle tool, since in any struggle for power & control it is a tool'' which is used to catch the other side off guard in order to win'' the contest.

What irrational thinking leads to use of manipulation?

• If you don't keep others hooked on being involved w/you, you'll end up being ignored, unaccepted or unwanted.

• Use of manipulation was the only way you have ever gotten what you needed in life so why should you learn new ways of achieving the same end.

• Use any means you need to "win" since "winning" is all that counts in life.

• Don't ever let others think they have the "upper hand" on you so that they never can take advantage of you.

• It's always better to show the "perfect" you to people than to let them see the "real" you.

• There's a "sucker" born every minute so if you work hard enough you can sucker someone into taking care of all of your needs.

• You can fool all of the people all of the time in order to get what you want out of them.

• You must get others deeply involved in your life's problems in order for you to feel important, the center of attention, cared for, approved of & accepted.

• You're most successful when you're able to "delegate" to others what you need to be doing for yourself.

• If it works use it; worry about the consequences later.

• Perception is reality, all that people are concerned about is their perception about things not the truth or underlying reality of the real situation.

Ways to eliminate manipulation in your relationships In order to cease using manipulation in your relationships w/others, you can try these steps:

 

First: Identify what behaviors you're using in your relationships w/ others in order to manipulate them into doing what you want them to do for you.

 

Second: Identify what issues in your life you're not wanting to accept personal responsibility for & which lead you to manipulate others to ignore or take care of for you.

 

Third: Identify your feelings about the issues in your life that you manipulate others to address or ignore.

 

Fourth: Identify what irrational beliefs underlie your need to manipulate others to take over the responsibility for the issues in your life.

 

Fifth: Identify what new beliefs about these issues would make you more personally responsible & a more "authentic'' or "real'' person.

 

Sixth: Identify what fears block your taking personal responsibility for these issues in your life & thus lead you to manipulate others to ignore or take care of them for you.

 

Seventh: Identify new feelings about these issues which would help you to be more realistic & more responsible as you face these issues.

 

Eighth: Identify new healthy, more productive coping behaviors which you can put into practice which will help you to become more personally responsible & less manipulative.

 

Ninth: Inform those people you've been manipulating to take care of you that you're now going to take the full responsibility for these issues on your own.

 

Tenth: Seek support from people in your life to assist you not to fall back into manipulating others to ignore or to take care of these issues for you.

 

Eleventh: Give permission to the people in your life to "call you on it'' when you're falling back into the manipulative behaviors by which you try to control them to take responsibility for the issues in your life.

 

Twelfth: When you find yourself falling back into use of manipulation, return to the first step & start over again.

 

 

Michael Peter Hayes rises each morning to an innate mental alarm clock setting he has established for himself. Oblivious to his surroundings, he turns to his mirror & painfully inserts very large tubes connected to hearing aids into swollen, tender ears.

He has now made his connection to the world, ready to tend to his life as father, husband, businessman.

To Michael, nothing is taken for granted. Born w/a congenital defect, he has been profoundly hard of hearing & legally blind in one eye since birth. His childhood consisted of tears, rejection & isolation, but Michael looks fondly back as he knows w/out the adversity, he would have never realized his strengths & the power of the inner realm in which he conducts his life.

Many people don't know of the inner realm, but from my first encounter w/Michael, in his hair salon, I recognized the aura surrounding him. Continuously utilizing his strengths, he has manipulated his shortfalls into a productive lifestyle, that not only brings him wealth & happiness, but in addition, allows him to partake in the lives of others in a way most people could never comprehend.

As he shared his disappointments & frustrations w/me, I was taken aback, not at the impiety in which he had to live, but at the constant manipulation of emotions that led him to victory. Can you imagine not being able to hear jokes or ridicule aimed at you, but instead witnessing the animated faces & hands, pointing & gesturing as if you were an animal in the zoo?

How do you react to words you can't hear or understand & try to speak in a voice that can't translate your emotions thru slurs & inconsistencies?

Michael iterated tales of teachers beating him w/a pointer for singing the wrong song in class & of peering out the window of his school bus filled w/mentally retarded children, wondering if he too were retarded in some way.

Although it was difficult to fathom this kind of torture, his pain was real to me & I listened in awe to his tales of triumph & positive manipulation.

In order to survive the teasing & constant rejection he experienced, Michael decided at a very young age, to envision where he wanted to be. Without the use of his ears, he relied on visuals to conduct his life. He absorbed books, continuously gleaning from whatever fodder was available, eager to learn what he couldn't hear.

Every aspect of his persona became necessary to build. Refusing to allow his perceived disability to rule his destiny, he used his mind, physique & personality to build his strengths & conquer weakness.

Every challenge in his life started from a picture he created in his head, allowing his body to follow in pursuit of his desires. He used a metaphor for his obstacles, remembering as a child that he wanted to learn yoga. Practicing every day, he'd "watch" himself mentally get into the most difficult positions. After hours of practice he accomplished his task & used the power of this vision to progress for the rest of his life.

He challenged himself w/martial arts, body building & boxing The mantra, 'if I can accomplish this, I can do anything!", set the stage for success, understanding that his only disability is what obstacles he placed on himself. Not hearing didn't mean, not knowing, as he had more understanding than others.

He used his senses to go beyond what others hear & instead could feel, smell, taste & see into what normalcy has no need for. He became in tune w/people, knowing before they spoke, understanding on a completely different level, especially w/women.

Wanting to elaborate on this connection, Michael took up hairdressing, utilizing his proclivity for art & his instinct for finding people's inner beauty. After developing a clientele, he opened his own salon, designed in perfect detail, by him, to enhance the synergy & create an atmosphere of power for his patrons. He draws from women & men what they may feel but don't yet see.

He learned this thru his own life provocation's, as he drew from himself what no one knew was there. According to Michael, "a hard of hearing way is the only way, as I didn't really know what I was missing. Only words seem to be amiss, which can be compensated for by the teachings of becoming aware. It becomes another sense.

Thru the imbalances of nature there will always be too much or too little but in my world it can go beyond that, where as a subtle 'miss of play' can become a catastrophe of missing."

Michael's message is profound, as he describes what he now 'has' because of what he doesn't have. The inner realm is a place we all possess, but don't recognize or utilize. It's where there are no deficits, only powers, where you can perceive your surroundings as outlets for those powers & relish in the beauty inside of yourself.

As Michael continues to grow his thriving salon w/his beautiful wife & child by his side, he has placed a mental photograph of his next location, included in this elaborate plan, a rendering of an art school for the deaf & blind.

He's also drawing energy from others, as he recruits them into his mission of helping people overcome their perceived deficits to find their innate strengths & potential. I know this to be true, not only from what he has told me, but of the energy surrounding him & his salon.

I recognized the power he possesses in the loving atmosphere he & his wife have created. I know when I'm there, he will try to bring out whatever is waiting to emerge. I'm privileged to know him, but also excited about his message. Thru all of my own adversity & life struggles, I see what other's don't. I'm happy for my deficits as I would have never known the beauty of my life w/out them. Thanks Michael!