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motivated

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welcome...
 
i'm really glad to see you!
 
you've found your way to feeling emotional, 3's homepage.
 
below you will find a description of what the emotional feelings network of sites is about as well as the best way to use this invaluable resource for your own personal needs.
 
kathleen

Tips for navigating thru the emotional feelings network of sites!

please read each paragraph below carefully so you can understand & consider how these sites can be helpful for you.

remembering september eleventh
forever free: remembering september eleventh
always & forever

Your dictionary definition of:

mo·ti·vate   

tr.v. mo·ti·vat·ed, mo·ti·vat·ing, mo·ti·vates

 

To provide w/an incentive; move to action; impel.

motivation n.

1.   

a.      The act or process of motivating.

b.     The state of being motivated.

  1. Something that motivates; an inducement or incentive.

Motivate \Mo"ti*vate\, v. t. [imp. & p. p. -vated; p. pr. & vb. n. -vating.] [From Motive, n.] To provide w/a motive; to move; impel; induce; incite. -- Mo`ti*va\"tion, n. --William James.

n : the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action; the reason for the action; "we did not understand his motivation"; "he acted with the best of motives" [syn: motive, need]

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.

 

Greg Anderson

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welcome! to feeling emotional, 3!
 
after looking things over here at feeling emotional, 3, try out "the layer down under," (part of the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
 
Another Suggestion! Visit the homepage because it has more information about the emotional feelings network of sites!

click here to read my personal column!

 
click here!  Bob Woodruff: Turning Personal Injury Into Public Inquiry click here!
 
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
 
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
 
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help! Remember, extreme or traumatic physical injuries affect mental health as well.
 
 
 

 What is Operation Helmet?

Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan. To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.

click here to visit the website!
click here!
visit the website! help our soldiers!

How this site works best for you!
 
You'll notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "feeling emotional, 3," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
 
The reason for this opportunity is very simple & yet you may be unnerved by all those underlined words! I've been in recovery from post traumatic stress disorder, depression & many other dysfunctional ventures & thru it all I've discovered that emotion & feeling work may be the missing link that many people miss when trying to find solutions to their problems.
 
Developing a sense of curiosity about why you feel the way you do, is essential in finding the solution you so desperately are searching for.
 
If you can't find what you came here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
 
It's very simple & very interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
 
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
 
Best of luck & if you're still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
 
Sincerely,
Kathleen

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" Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time & emotional & spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it. " 
 
Greg Anderson

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Why You Don't Need Motivation

By Marie-Pier Charron

As a life coach, I often hear people say they lack
motivation, in fact, the motivation discussion is almost a ritual w/my new clients.

 

You really want something, in fact you almost need it, but you just don't have the drive to get to it. As a result, you blame yourself; you get stuck in your disappointment, your guilt, or your frustration further & further away from your goal.

But why are we not always driven enough to meet our objectives in the first place? Is it that we're not sufficiently determined? Or maybe we aren't tough & strong enough?

The way I see things, motivation is akin to the sap that runs in the tree: it keeps the tree alive, in fact, it's essential to it,  but it's useless if the tree (our objective) is rooted in poor, unhealthy grounds.

 

It's not our motivation that makes the objective real, it's the other way around: when our goals are healthy, the drive to take action flows naturally.

 

When our goals are unhealthy, we have to push ourselves all along the path to "success" & we don't even feel like celebrating at the end (when we do get there).

So what's an "unhealthy" objective? It's an objective we hold for the wrong reasons, or w/the wrong attitude: it's rooted in poor grounds. It's not that we shouldn't lose weight; it's just that we decided to do so because we don't like (let alone
love) ourselves & we think that will patch the problem.

 

It's not that we shouldn't start this new business; it's just that we're dead afraid of failure. And there's nothing wrong w/studying law, it's just that we do so only to honor our (deceased) fathers values & wishes.

There are many factors that can literally kill our motivation at its roots, but weakness certainly isn't one of them. The real motivation inhibitors go more along this line:

- Our objective isn't a real priority  (Going to the gym, when you have 3 children to take care of)

- We feel our objective is inaccessible (A brand-new Volvo when we can't afford a Toyota)

- Our objective was
inspired or chosen by someone else (That law degree Or maybe your partner wants you to stop smoking)

- Our objective is
motivated by self-rejection rather than self-respect (Very frequent & always overlooked. People trying to lose weight often experience that)

- Our objective is a strong "should," or a vibrant "must," but not a "want" (It would be appropriate to be in better terms w/the other members of our family, but we're too
resentful about past events to really change anything)

- We're afraid of success, afraid of failure. Afraid of something (We're conflicted about our objective, we have mixed motives even if we're not aware of them)

- Our objective is not in alignment w/our true self (Looking for a job in a field that doesn't feel right to us)

- Some part of us doesn't want to reach our objective, for some reasons (We know that when we do reach our goal, we'll have to do or experience something that repulses us)

- We feel overwhelmed by all the actions we have to take (we have a hard time taking one small step at a time)

- A recent failure makes us feel powerless

- Etc.

When we start looking at this, we realized that the results we get (or don't get) are an accurate reflection of what we deeply think & feel.

We don't experience in life what we hope for, but rather what we think we deserve, what we expect, what we're the most confident in.

 

Thats how we create. We will not feel much motivation for a goal that is incongruent w/our profound beliefs & thoughts, as idyllic as this goal may be.

Motivation isn't about toughness & strength it's about alignment. It's not necessarily about wanting something very badly but more about wanting something completely. 

When we lack
motivation, some part of us is saying, "I don't want to reach that goal it doesn't serve me." Maybe it's time to change our objective maybe we need to look inward & take care of other things first (see the list above).  Or maybe we just need to take a deep breath, relax & listen to the wind for a while.

" Think "impossible" & dreams get discarded, projects get abandoned & hope for wellness is torpedoed.  

But let someone yell the words "It's possible," & resources we hadn't been aware of come rushing in to assist us in our quest.

 

I believe we're all potentially brilliant & creative, but only if we believe it, only if we have an attitude of positive expectancy toward our ideas & only if we act on them. "

 

Greg Anderson

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Motivation

We’ve all known highly motivated people; they’re eager, driven, determined, confident, single-minded & obsessed.

Strong motives take us in many directions:

Think of Lincoln studying law by candlelight in New Salem. Think of Gandhi fasting. Think of the work to become a champion in any area. Edison said,

"Genius is 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration."

What makes us want to sweat that much? We have burning needs; we strive for meaning & values; we seek external pay offs & self-satisfaction w/zeal; we develop keen interests.

Some of our drives may be innate; the natural condition of the species. But, certainly, many motives are learned, so they can be changed. e.g., Adler (1951) thought children quickly learned they were inferior & spent a lifetime striving for superiority.

Field Theory says that environmental forces & the ways we’ve learned to view our situations - determine our incentives, goals & intentions.

Social Learning Theory suggests that motivation depends on observing how to get the rewards we want in the environment & our faith in our ability (self-efficacy) to do it.

Attribution theory states that achievers have learned that they’re able to succeed, that hard work increases the chances of success, that learning about themselves facilitates success & that succeeding is enjoyable & worthwhile.

If you want to succeed but haven't learned those things, you can if you want to.

All of us are pushed in many directions by many powerful physiological, social-cultural & psychological needs. Most of us yearn for food, air, shelter, sex, affiliation, love, self-acceptance, achievement, power, mastery, self-actualization, etc.

Those needs increase our motivation in various specific, usually positive directions. Moreover, there are drives & emotions that push us in many negative directions, such as feelings of inferiority that become self-fulfilling prophecies, desires to avoid responsibility & success, beliefs that we don’t deserve success, self-defeating rebellion against doing what we’re pressured to do, tendencies to avoid any self-evaluation & of course, greed, hatred & other self-destructive or self-defeating drives.

All of us try to generally increase our desired motivations and/or to reduce our negative motivations.

While the power of our physiological & conditioned drives are undeniable, we must remember that by deciding & declaring "By God, I'm going to _______ (get a 3.5 GPA, get a divorce, start jogging, stop drinking...)" we’ve created our own powerful motivator.

Likewise, by amassing lots of good reasons for changing we’ve created another powerful set of motives. If we’re determined to change in some specific way, our task is to maximize the positive, pleasurable motivations & reasons for doing the desired behavior & to likewise, maximize the negative, painful factors associated w/continuing the unwanted behavior, i.e. failing to change.

Once determined to change, most people can either "just do it" or they can easily read chapters 4 & 11 & find ways (methods) to get where they want to go. It seems to be necessary to believe we can probably accomplish the change we want, while at the same time we’re scared of what will happen if we fail to change.

Recent theories (Cantor, Markus, Niedenthal & Nurius, 1986) suggest that our notions of what is possible play a major role in motivation. Our self-concept contains many "possible selves:" "I could become" selves, "I'd like to become" selves, "I should become" selves & "I'm afraid of becoming" selves.

These possible selves reflect & influence our "life goals" & at the same time, our progress toward our life goals alters our possible selves. Thus, parts of our selves are constantly changing (even though the total self is pretty constant). Our current & possible selves & our personal plans change our behavior in complex ways.

i.e., on the same exam, why does good student A set high goals & study hard, while good student B expects to fail & works frantically & good student C blows off studying altogether?

All 3 want to achieve & have been successful. Their different possible selves may explain the differences in their attitudes & behaviors.

Student A is an "optimist," expects to do well & works hard to meet or beat his/her past achievements.

Student B is a "pessimist," fears careless failure, overlooks past successes & predicts doom to soften the blow when it comes. He/she tries real hard to avoid all the awful outcomes he/she is imagining.

Student C is a "self-handicapper" who wants to impress others but fears getting an average score which would tarnish his/her image of being brilliant, so he/she hopes to do fairly well on the exam while letting everyone know he/she hasn't studied, thus, preserving the image of being real smart.

We don't yet know why people use different strategies, but surely we can learn to change our thinking about our possible selves & our future, thus, changing our achievement motivation.

Likewise, different possible selves may explain why 3 people, all interested in socializing w/the opposite sex, might behave very differently, e.g. one goes to parties or the bars every night, another only goes to places where he/she already knows people & a third doesn't go out at all.

There are many possible selves involved: "I'm attractive," "I'm unattractive," "I'm shy," "I'm not likely to meet anyone interesting," "All they're interested in is sex," "I'd like to be the center of attention," "I can drink & have fun anywhere," "I don't want to look like I'm on the make or loose," "I don't want to be seen out alone," etc.

We can change our self-concept, then our behavior (or the reverse, see method #5).

The nature of a "weak will" seems to involve a conflict between

(a) being willing, for complex reasons in specific situations, to do the work & make the sacrifices necessary to succeed &

(b) resisting making the effort, especially if we can excuse or con ourselves into believing that it’s okay not to try very hard. "I have no will power" is a cop out. See the discussion of procrastination in chapter 4.

Probably 1/3 to 1/2 of all students have the intellectual ability, under current conditions, to be "A" students, but 2/3 of these potential "A" students aren’t willing to compete & do the necessary work.

Likewise, 1/3 of us have the musical talent to play in a band, but most of us don't practice enough. We could play a sport well or have great knowledge of history or know hundreds of jokes or.... We know how to achieve these objectives, we just don't want to badly enough, there are other things we’d rather do.

So, there are several critical aspects of self-directed motivation:

One is deciding what you value; what you want to achieve; & how much you’re willing to invest to be successful.

Second is making a commitment to change, which includes arranging & recognizing the wonderful pay offs of changing & the terrible disappointments of failing to change (see step 4).

Third is giving up the old way of behaving & deciding how -step by step, to accomplish the goals you value highly. This requires self-discipline, self-control, scheduling, practice & reinforcement (see chapters 4 & 11).

If, on the other hand, you decide you’d sort-of-like-to change, that is you have some high, maybe even noble aspiration but never get much accomplished in that direction, you may simply be enjoying having the goal but living a lie.

Example: the person who wants to be a music or sport star but only practices for 15 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. The pleasurable fantasy is there & they tell everyone "I want to be really good" but the commitment & passion aren’t there.

Most likely, such a person will never muster the drive or motivation to get "over the hump" that stands in the way of all goals. Here we only deal w/that one crucial factor; mustering up the motivation.

Purposes

  • To help you decide what goals you really value & are willing to work for.
  • To suggest some methods for getting the motivation to reach your truly desired goals.

Time involved

Depending on the techniques you select to use, it may take only 15 or 20 minutes per day or many hours over a period of weeks.

Common problems

If you lack motivation, how can you do the things recommended in this method?

Perhaps you can start w/a very simple, easy method, such as:

  • scheduling your time a little better
  • rewarding some desired behavior
  • daydreaming about the future

Other complex factors are intertwined w/ motivation:

Simple approaches may not work.

Effectiveness, advantages & dangers

Relatively little is known about motivating ourselves. McClelland & Steele (1972) suggest most of the above steps but much of this research by McClelland lacks control groups & focuses primarily on developing entrepreneurs in foreign countries.

That’s a far cry from helping a person who doesn't know where she is going or doesn't do his home work. McCombs & Pope (1994), McHolland & McInnis (n.d.), Alschuler (1973) & de Charms (1976) have, however, raised the academic motivation of students.

This method gets at the crux of the matter, in my opinion. That's why chapter 4 deals w/motivation so much. With enough motivation you could produce almost any self-improvement you wanted. I suspect the eventual key to having "will power" lies in our philosophy of life, our dreams about the future & our willingness to take responsibility for our lives.

There may be some dangers associated w/"trying too hard." You may give up prematurely because it seems too difficult to make changes or achieve the goals you’ve set. It may also hurt more if you fail after trying very hard to succeed.

Brim (1992) has a neat book about managing ambition: how we handle our drive for success or mastery, how we adjust our goals to fit our ability, how we find satisfaction in doing what we can.