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" Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time & emotional
& spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it. "
Greg Anderson
Why You Don't Need Motivation
By Marie-Pier Charron
As
a life coach, I often hear people say they lack motivation, in fact, the motivation discussion is almost a ritual w/my
new clients.
You really want something, in fact you almost need it, but you just don't have the drive to get to it. As a result, you blame yourself;
you get stuck in your disappointment, your guilt, or your frustration further
& further away from your goal.
But
why are we not always driven enough to meet our objectives in the first place? Is it that we're not sufficiently determined? Or maybe we
aren't tough & strong enough?
The way I see things, motivation is akin to the sap that runs in the tree: it keeps the tree alive, in fact, it's essential to
it, but it's useless if the tree (our objective) is rooted in poor, unhealthy grounds.
It's not our motivation that makes the objective real, it's the other way around: when our goals are healthy, the drive to take action flows
naturally.
When our goals are unhealthy, we have to push ourselves
all along the path to "success" & we don't even feel like celebrating at the end (when we do get there).
So what's an "unhealthy" objective? It's an objective
we hold for the wrong reasons, or w/the wrong attitude: it's rooted in poor grounds. It's not that
we shouldn't lose weight; it's just that we decided to do so because we don't like (let alone love)
ourselves & we think that will patch the problem.
It's not that we shouldn't start this new business;
it's just that we're dead afraid of failure. And there's nothing wrong w/studying law, it's just that we do so only to honor our (deceased) fathers values & wishes.
There are many factors that can literally
kill our motivation at its roots, but weakness certainly
isn't one of them. The real motivation inhibitors go more along this line:
- Our objective isn't a real priority
(Going to the gym, when you have 3 children to take care of)
- We feel our objective is
inaccessible (A brand-new Volvo when we can't afford a Toyota)
- Our objective was
inspired or chosen by someone else (That law degree Or maybe your
partner wants you to stop smoking)
- Our objective is motivated
by
self-rejection rather than self-respect (Very frequent & always overlooked. People trying to lose weight often experience that)
- Our
objective is a strong "should," or a vibrant "must," but not a "want" (It would be appropriate
to be in better terms w/the other members of our family, but we're too resentful about past events to really change anything)
- We're
afraid of success, afraid of failure. Afraid of something (We're conflicted about our objective, we have mixed motives even if we're not aware of them)- Our objective is not in alignment w/our true self (Looking for a job in a field that
doesn't feel right to us)-
Some part of us doesn't want to reach our objective, for some reasons (We know that when we do reach our goal, we'll have to do or experience something that repulses us)- We feel overwhelmed by all the actions we have to take (we have a hard time taking one small step
at a time)- A recent failure makes us feel powerless- Etc.When we start looking at this, we realized that the results we get (or don't get)
are an accurate reflection of what we deeply think & feel.
We don't experience in life what we hope for, but
rather what we think we deserve, what we expect, what we're the most confident in.
Thats how we create. We will not feel
much motivation for a goal that is incongruent
w/our profound beliefs & thoughts, as idyllic as this goal may be.
Motivation isn't about toughness & strength it's about alignment. It's not necessarily
about wanting something very badly but more about wanting something completely.
When we lack motivation, some part of us is saying, "I don't want to reach
that goal it doesn't serve me." Maybe it's time to change our objective maybe we need to look inward & take care of other things first (see the list above). Or maybe we just need to take a deep breath, relax & listen to the wind for a while.
" Think "impossible" & dreams
get discarded, projects get abandoned & hope for wellness is torpedoed.
But let someone yell the words "It's possible," & resources we hadn't been aware of come rushing
in to assist us in our quest.
I believe we're all potentially brilliant & creative, but only if we believe it, only if we
have an attitude of positive expectancy toward our ideas & only if we act on them. "
Greg Anderson
Motivation
We’ve all known highly motivated people; they’re eager, driven, determined, confident, single-minded & obsessed.
Strong
motives take us in many directions:
Think of Lincoln studying
law by candlelight in New Salem. Think of Gandhi fasting. Think of the work to become a champion in any area. Edison said,
"Genius is 1% inspiration
& 99% perspiration."
What makes us want to sweat
that much? We have burning needs; we strive for meaning & values; we seek external pay offs & self-satisfaction w/zeal; we develop keen interests.
Some of our drives
may be innate; the natural condition of the species. But, certainly, many motives are learned,
so they can be changed. e.g., Adler (1951) thought children quickly
learned they were inferior & spent a lifetime striving for superiority.
Field Theory says that environmental
forces & the ways we’ve learned to view our situations - determine our incentives,
goals & intentions.
Social
Learning Theory suggests that motivation depends on observing how to get the rewards
we want in the environment & our faith in our ability (self-efficacy) to do it.
Attribution
theory states that achievers have learned that they’re able to succeed, that hard work increases the chances of success, that learning about themselves facilitates success & that succeeding is enjoyable & worthwhile.
If you want to succeed but haven't learned those things, you can if you want to.
All of us are pushed in many
directions by many powerful physiological, social-cultural & psychological needs. Most of us yearn for food, air, shelter, sex, affiliation,
love, self-acceptance, achievement, power, mastery, self-actualization, etc.
Those needs increase our motivation in various specific, usually positive directions. Moreover, there are drives
& emotions that push us in many negative directions, such
as feelings of inferiority that become self-fulfilling prophecies, desires to avoid responsibility & success, beliefs that we don’t deserve success, self-defeating rebellion against doing what we’re pressured to do, tendencies to avoid
any self-evaluation & of course, greed, hatred & other self-destructive or self-defeating drives.
All of us try to generally
increase our desired motivations and/or to reduce our negative
motivations.
While the
power of our physiological & conditioned drives are undeniable, we must remember that by deciding & declaring "By
God, I'm going to _______ (get a 3.5 GPA, get a divorce, start jogging, stop drinking...)"
we’ve created our own powerful motivator.
Likewise, by amassing lots
of good reasons for changing we’ve created another powerful set of motives. If we’re determined to change in some specific way, our task is to
maximize the positive, pleasurable motivations & reasons for doing the desired behavior
& to likewise, maximize the negative, painful factors associated w/continuing the unwanted behavior, i.e. failing to change.
Once determined
to change, most people can either "just do it" or they can easily read chapters 4 & 11 & find ways (methods) to get where they want to go. It seems to be necessary to believe we can probably accomplish
the change we want, while at the same time we’re scared of what will happen if we
fail to change.
Recent theories (Cantor, Markus, Niedenthal & Nurius, 1986) suggest that our notions of what is possible play a major role
in motivation. Our self-concept contains many "possible selves:" "I could become" selves, "I'd like to become" selves, "I should
become" selves & "I'm afraid of becoming" selves.
These possible selves reflect
& influence our "life goals" & at the same time, our progress toward our life goals alters our possible selves. Thus,
parts of our selves are constantly changing (even though the total self is pretty constant).
Our current & possible selves & our personal plans change our behavior in complex ways.
We don't yet know why people
use different strategies, but surely we can learn to change our thinking about our possible
selves & our future, thus, changing our achievement motivation.
Likewise, different possible
selves may explain why 3 people, all interested in socializing w/the opposite sex, might behave very differently, e.g. one
goes to parties or the bars every night, another only goes to places where he/she already knows people & a third doesn't
go out at all.
There are many possible selves
involved: "I'm attractive," "I'm unattractive," "I'm shy," "I'm not likely to meet anyone interesting," "All they're interested in is sex," "I'd like to be the center of attention," "I can drink & have fun anywhere," "I don't want to look like I'm on the make or loose," "I don't want to be seen out
alone," etc.
We can change our self-concept, then our behavior (or the reverse, see method #5).
The nature
of a "weak will" seems to involve a conflict between
(a) being willing, for complex
reasons in specific situations, to do the work & make the sacrifices necessary to succeed &
(b) resisting making the effort, especially if we can excuse or con ourselves into believing that it’s okay not to try very hard. "I have no will power" is a cop out. See the discussion of procrastination in chapter 4.
Probably 1/3 to 1/2 of all
students have the intellectual ability, under current conditions, to be "A" students, but 2/3 of these potential "A" students
aren’t willing to compete & do the necessary work.
Likewise, 1/3 of us have the
musical talent to play in a band, but most of us don't practice enough. We could play a sport well or have great knowledge
of history or know hundreds of jokes or.... We know how to achieve these objectives, we just don't want to badly enough, there
are other things we’d rather do.
So, there are several critical
aspects of self-directed motivation:
One is deciding what you value; what you want to achieve; & how much you’re
willing to invest to be successful.
Second is making a commitment to change, which includes arranging & recognizing the wonderful pay offs of changing & the terrible disappointments of failing to change (see step 4).
Third is giving up the old way of behaving
& deciding how -step by step, to accomplish the goals you value highly. This requires self-discipline, self-control, scheduling, practice & reinforcement (see chapters 4 & 11).
If, on the other hand, you
decide you’d sort-of-like-to change, that is you have some high, maybe even noble aspiration but never get much accomplished in that direction, you may simply be enjoying having the goal but living
a lie.
Example: the person who wants
to be a music or sport star but only practices for 15 minutes 2 or 3 times a week. The pleasurable fantasy is there &
they tell everyone "I want to be really good" but the commitment & passion aren’t there.
Most likely, such a person
will never muster the drive or motivation to get "over the hump"
that stands in the way of all goals. Here we only deal w/that one crucial factor; mustering up the motivation.
Purposes
- To help you decide what goals you really value & are willing to work for.
- To suggest some methods for getting the motivation to reach your truly desired goals.
Time involved
Depending on the techniques
you select to use, it may take only 15 or 20 minutes per day or many hours over a period of weeks.
Common problems
If you lack motivation, how can you do the things recommended in this method?
Perhaps you can start w/a
very simple, easy method, such as:
- scheduling your time a little better
- rewarding some desired behavior
- daydreaming about the future
Other complex factors are
intertwined w/ motivation:
Simple approaches may not
work.
Effectiveness, advantages & dangers
Relatively little is known
about motivating ourselves. McClelland & Steele (1972)
suggest most of the above steps but much of this research by McClelland lacks control groups & focuses primarily on developing
entrepreneurs in foreign countries.
That’s a far cry from
helping a person who doesn't know where she is going or doesn't do his home work. McCombs & Pope (1994), McHolland & McInnis (n.d.), Alschuler (1973)
& de Charms (1976) have, however, raised the academic motivation
of students.
This method gets at the crux
of the matter, in my opinion. That's why chapter 4 deals w/motivation so much. With enough
motivation you could produce almost any self-improvement you wanted. I suspect the eventual key to having "will power" lies in our philosophy of life, our dreams about the future
& our willingness to take responsibility for our lives.
There may be some dangers
associated w/"trying too hard." You may give up prematurely because it seems too difficult
to make changes or achieve the goals you’ve set. It may also hurt more if you fail after trying very hard to succeed.
Brim (1992) has a neat book about managing ambition: how we handle our drive for
success or mastery, how we adjust our goals to fit our ability, how we find satisfaction in doing what we can.
He tells a delightful
story of his father's retirement to a hillside farm.
In his sixties, he trimmed trees & cut grass all over the mountainside. He had a garden everyone talked about.
In his seventies, he tended only closer to the house, focusing on the lawn &
garden, which still supplied the neighbors.
In his eighties, he cut less grass & had a small productive garden.
In his nineties, he hired a neighbor to mow the lawn & he only had a few tomatoes in his garden.
In his last few years, he
still stood or sat near his flower boxes & tended them lovingly. My father did the same thing. We all adjust our goals to fit the ability we believe we have. But coping w/success & failure is a complex process; it may help to know how others managed their lives.
The Sybervision organization (1-800-678-0887)
offers a variety of audio & video tapes about self-discipline, achievement, winning, setting high goals, positive mental
attitude, etc.
What Motivates
& Empowers a Woman?
Penny Taylor asks, did you know
that…
Women are motivated & empowered
when they feel cherished? It’s a great feeling of motivation to feel cherished, defended & protected.
What are some communication techniques
that help a woman to feel cherished?
If a woman is upset & someone will stay w/her & continue to listen to her, even if her feelings come
out in muddled confusion at first, after awhile she’ll begin to feel better & she’ll feel cherished &
cared for.
If a woman is left alone when she’s upset, she feels abandoned & as if she's defenseless in a dark
& lonely world & she’ll seek to find someone else to talk to, someone who’ll listen & thereby fulfill
her need. She’ll feel cherished by the person that understands & cares enough to spend the time to cherish her at
that vulnerable time.
If the person she longs to receive this support from abandons her at this critical time she'll struggle to
keep resentment from crowding out her loving feelings for that person.
A man that uses gentle ways & good manners makes a woman feel cherished & respected. She’ll
respond to his good manners by trusting him w/her feelings. His actions make her believe that she’ll find validation
& then that will create the feeling of being cherished that she longs for.
If a woman feels criticized or is treated harshly for sharing her vulnerable feelings, she'll withdraw her
affection & her trust & seek another avenue of help for this crucial need.
Because of this it’s very
important that a woman act in such a way as to elicit the quality in a man that longs to protect & cherish her. Men have
two sides, one that defends & protects & the other that attacks & destroys.
It’s important in a relationship
that the woman remains on the protected side & not on the side that is attacked. Only in this manner will she be motivated
to enjoy her relationship.
What communication skills can ladies
learn to facilitate this?
Blaming doesn’t work. It only
makes the other feel like attacking.
Learn to say these simple words
as often as you feel it’s appropriate: “It’s not your fault.”
Accusing words, such as “You
always…” or “Why did you…” elicit the attacker.
Learn instead to say, “I feel
as if…” This invites the protector.
Penny’s Caution:
Never abuse his desire to protect you by creating trauma just so
that you can enjoy the feeling of being rescued. Instead, learn to respond to little feelings of being cherished & express
pleasure. This will create an atmosphere in your relationship of him being needed by you & you feeling cherished by him.
Seven Rules of Motivation
#1 Set a major goal, but follow a path.
The path has mini goals that go in many directions. When you learn to succeed at mini goals, you'll be motivated to challenge grand goals.
#2 Finish
what you start. A half finished
project is of no use to anyone. Quitting is a habit. Develop the habit of finishing self-motivated
projects.
#3 Socialize
w/others of similar interest. Mutual support is motivating. We will develop the attitudes of our 5 best friends.
If they're losers, we'll be a looser. If they're winners, we'll be a winner. To be a cowboy
we must associate w/cowboys.
#4 Learn
how to learn. Dependency on others for knowledge is a slow time consuming processes. Man has the ability to learn w/out instructors.
In fact, when we learn the art of
self-education we'll find, if not create, opportunity to find success beyond our wildest dreams.
#5 Harmonize
natural talent w/interest that motivates. Natural talent creates motivation, motivation
creates persistence & persistence gets the job done.
#6 Increase
knowledge of subjects that inspires.
The more we know about a subject, the more we want to learn about it. A self-propelled upward spiral
develops.
#7 Take risk. Failure & bouncing back are elements of motivation. Failure is a learning tool. No one has ever succeeded at anything worthwhile without a string of failures.
Three
Elements of Motivation
Motivation
starts w/the desire to be free, to be free from dependency on others, freedom to live the lifestyle we dream of, freedom to explore our ideas.
Total freedom isn't possible or desirable, but the struggle to achieve that ideal is the basis for motivation.
Motivation is built on 3 basic elements:
1.
Motivation starts w/a need, vision, dream or desire to achieve the seemingly impossible. Creativity is associated w/ideas, projects & goals, which can be considered a path
to freedom.
2. Developing & maintaining a love-to-learn lifestyle become involved w/risky ventures &/or continually seek new opportunities learn what works & doesn't
work.
3. Developing & maintaining a desire to overcome barriers & to bounce back from discouragement or failure. individuals learn to tolerate the agony failure brings.
In any endeavor, that's
worthwhile, barriers & failure will be there. Bouncing back requires creative thinking as it's a learning process.
In addition, bouncing
back requires starting again at number one.
A loss of any one part & motivation is on the rocks. For example;
1. If you like to be creative &
love to learn but can't face up to failure, you'll not go back & try again. Persistent motivation is associated w/bouncing back from failure.
2. If you have a unique idea but don’t
like taking risks, ideas’ is all you will ever have.
3. There must be something in your
life that turns you on. Some people work harder at finding it than others. You can start by analyzing the lifestyle you wish
you could live. Remember, money is not a goal; it's a reward for achieving a goal. People w/out a motivating
dream aren't reading this website.
Let's see how the parts work w/Charlie’s family, a true story.
I was building a 50-foot wooden sailboat. During construction
there were many visitors & one family stood out.
Charlie would bring his 3 teenage sons on board, who seemed
to be excited about everything they saw. They'd focus on a construction method or potential problem & exchange ideas on its strong
& weak points or discuss other ways to achieve the same results.
Charlie would ask leading questions & his sons would have
answers, each one trying to give a better answer than the other. When one teen presented a possible dumb idea, the others
didn't put him down, they countered w/other possibilities.
It wasn't only on my boat they excised creative thinking, this was their life style, always asking why & what are the other possibilities. They had a work shop where family members
could work on projects.
They needed "U" bolts for one of their projects. After threading
a steel rod at both ends, they needed to bend them. They made a furnace from a 5 gallon bucket & used the blower end of
a vacuum cleaner for draft. They buried the rods in the red-hot charcoal.
When pulling them out they had stubs. The fire was so hot it
melted the steel. They didn't realize how hot the furnace was. The only way to learn & get experiences is to try.
Farther & sons were a team that focused on creativity. A
wild idea was something to embrace & develop. The teens were excited about life & highly motivated.
Charlie kept active the three legs of motivation:
1. Creativity was encouraged w/the understanding there was no dumb idea. At this time, they had no goals that I know of.
2. To maintain the love-to-learn, they had a workshop, providing opportunity to experiment w/ideas & develop projects.
3. Most ideas didn't work, but w/each
try they learned something, especially what didn't work. They were learning from failure
& learning to bounce back from it.
By keeping all 3 motivation
elements active, Charlie’s sons were highly motivated. Creative thinking was promoted & supported. In the adult world, their creative skills will find a profitable market. More important, they will not have to overcome negative barriers carried over from their teen years.
Compare Charlie to parents who are always putting down any idea
their children might present. A gulf develops between them & soon the teen keeps all thoughts to them self. Many parents consider children’s wild ideas something to grow out of.
This is the killing of creativity,
the first leg of motivation. Putting down ideas is teaching children to accept the status quo. Forcing children to accept the status quo is the building of barriers. In the adult word, most never overcome these barriers.
Let's consider Ken’s parents who don't support or discourage, wild ideas, but tolerate them.
Ken is a typical 13 year-old boy, who's being exposed to truck
loads of information via Internet, TV & printed matter. He doesn't do well in school & his reading is not up to par,
but he does work on self-motivated projects that interest him. He scans a variety of projects,
usually related to a broad theme such as computers, mechanics or electronics.
As time passes it becomes obvious that his interest is narrowing
to flying, he reads more on this subject that any other. He's becoming focused & wants to engage in flying projects, so
as to be connected.
Teenagers, w/out support, don’t have many resources. Ken uses what he has, that is, cutting out pictures of airplanes &/or assembles plastic
airplane models. For resourceful teens, this limited opportunity offers ways to be creative.
Simple projects turn into elaborate projects, as resources become
available, flying radio control models for example. Somewhere along the way, a burning desire is developing & this desire is associated w/natural talent.
Ken is at a crossroads. School is telling him he is a failure while his flying interest is teaching him the art of how-to-learn in a natural learning environment. He's under pressure by parents & teachers to give classroom studies priority. How will he react?
Under pressure, every teen reacts differently. If Ken’s ambition is crushed, he may or may not bounce back
again. Without support, teens give up easily & sometimes turn to rebellion where they take on self-destructive goals. Formal education & flying ambitions are dead. Motivation
is dead.
If Ken's parents recognized his natural interest & supported it, he could achieve the impossible.
As adults, most of us had our teenage dreams putdown & we
accepted the status quo. Trying to bring old dreams back to life again is extremely difficult. The barriers are huge, but they can
be overcome.
Additional
Related Information
At-risk youth are in the process of rejecting the status quo. The problem is, they reject everything & become losers. All of us were born w/a natural desire to learn & be an achiever. During our teen years, we were pressured to accept the status quo & we reacted differently to that pressure.
At-risk youth can be a reminder of what we went thru. Reviewing
the pages below, you may better understand the barriers that need to be conquered.
How to Get Motivated
Humans are motivated by many things--psychological
needs, physiological drives, survival, urges, emotions, hurts, impulses, fears, threats, rewards (money, friendship, status...),
possessions, wishes, intentions, values, mastery, freedom, intrinsic satisfaction, self-satisfaction, interests, pleasure,
dislikes, established habits, goals, ambitions and so on. All at the same time. In the next major sections of this chapter
we will deal with questions like: Why don't we do what we want to do? Can we prevent unwanted behaviors, like addictions and
bad habits? Why is our behavior so hard to understand? How can we stop procrastinating? In this section, however, we will
focus on increasing our drive to achieve our more worthwhile goals, as discussed in chapter 3.
Changing involves both knowing how (learning)
and wanting to (motivation). It is important to see that learning is different from performing. A hungry rat in the laboratory
will work diligently to discover how to get food. It learns how and vigorously performs, i.e. eats until it's stuffed, then
it stops. The rat's eating behavior, after the initial learning, is determined by its hunger needs. We humans are the same;
to grow and develop new behaviors we must learn. But, in terms of how far we get in life--how much we accomplish--motivation
may be just as important if not more important than learning. We already know how to lose weight (don't eat) or get A's or
give generously to others. A common barrier to accomplishing many goals in life is not wanting the goal enough to give it
the necessary time and effort (or conning ourselves into believing we can reach our goal in some easy way).
Occasionally, a person will
have enormous determination to achieve something requiring great effort over a period of years. It is emotionally moving to
hear about such a person who has overcome great obstacles to achieve an impressive goal. Glenn Cunningham was told as a boy
that he would never walk on his badly burned legs; he became a great miler. How do you get the drive to go to college at age
35, work full-time, care for three children, and graduate with honors? The same way Rebecca Lee in 1864 became the first black
woman physician: you work to accomplish your dreams. There are many, many inspiring examples of great achievements. Yet, psychology
can't, as yet, guarantee high drive or prescribe a cure for laziness.
The Importance
of Setting Effective Goals
Motivation is trying
to reach our goals. But, it isn't just a matter of setting high, noble goals, as discussed in chapter 3, although that is
a critical step. It is common to wish for higher goals than we are willing to do the work to attain. We want to be a lawyer
but goof off in high school. Many college students with a 2.7 GPA want to become Ph.D's. We want to be a star performer but
don't like to practice. Even when trying to better ourselves we may lack the motivation. For example, Rosen (1982) found that
only half of the people in a self-help program completed the work. Those who stuck with it got good results (overcoming their
fears). Similar results have been found in toilet training of children and self-administered treatment for premature ejaculation.
Likewise, Schindler (1979) reported that only 17 of 60 subjects made full use of an assertiveness book. What determines these
vast differences in motivation among us? Why are some of us fantastic achievers while others take the easy route? We don't
know for sure (but see learned industriousness later), but having explicit goals and certain attitudes help.
Life goals set our sails and
give us a push, e.g. "I want to help people." People who reach many or most of their life goals are usually calmer, happier,
healthier and less stressed or emotional. However, there seem to be certain life goals that harm our mental health, e.g. "I
want to have the power to control or impress people." Wanting to be close to and good to others is associated with better
emotional health (National Advisory Mental Health Council, 1995). Likewise, seeking to improve your skills ("mastery goals")
results in feeling good about trying hard and in increased effort when an obstacle is met. But wanting to beat others ("performance
goals"), such as having a winning season in football or being the best student in your math class, result in avoiding tough
challenges, giving up when starting to lose, feeling more anxious, and less gain in self-esteem than with mastery goals. This
is why enlightened coaches are teaching players to focus on mastering their basic skills, not on their won-loss record. It
is also easy to see the connection between mastery vs. performance goals and intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation or satisfaction.
The importance of intrinsic satisfaction and the problems with extrinsic rewards are discussed thoroughly later under "Why
behavior is hard to understand."
In any area where we are
hoping to self-improve, both short-term and long-range goals are needed. If your long-term goals clearly contribute to your
most important values and your philosophy of life, they should be more motivating. Good goals are fairly hard--they stretch
us--but they are achievable taking small steps at a time. As much as possible, you should explicitly describe your goals in
terms of very specific behaviors. Danish, Petitpas & Hale (1995) provide examples of specific behaviors in sports psychology:
- Physical skills--"I'll do 3 more sit ups and 3 more push ups
this week than I did last week."
- Cognitive skills--"I'll develop some self-talk that should
reduce my fears and improve my batting."
- Gain knowledge--"I'll learn more about exercising to prevent
my back from hurting."
- Courage--"I'll practice batting against a very fast pitcher
for two weeks, then I'll try out for the school team."
- Social support--"I'll talk to the coach about batting; I'll
make friends with guys/girls on the team."
Positive objectives are usually
more motivating than negative ones, e.g. "I want to bat over .300" is a better goal than "I'd like to be less scared of the
ball." Certainly, the more appealing goals are something you want, not something imposed on you. Mastery-oriented
people, realizing success depends on their skills, become more self-directed, work harder, achieve a higher level of performance,
and get more enjoyment out of the activity. In contrast, according to Murphy (1995), "performance"-oriented people are more
likely to strive for attention and view beating others as a "life or death" matter (in this case, failure is interpreted as
"I don't have the ability" and interest declines).
This book addresses many different
aspects of psychological motivation. The needs for food, water, air, sleep, shelter, and even sex are always there but they
don't usually dominate our lives. Our social-psychological needs, instead, dominate most of our lives, such as attention,
companionship, support, love, social image or status, material things, power and so on. Also, psychological or cognitive factors,
in addition to goals, strongly influence our motivation and attitudes, such as self-confidence in our ability as a change
agent (self-efficacy and attribution theory). If we see ourselves as able and in control of our lives, then we are much more
likely to truly and responsibly take control.
Sometimes, however, a person's
motivation seems excessive. Our goals may be out of reach but we still strive mightily for the goal (as in the movie Rudy).
Exceedingly able people are occasionally extremely demanding and self-critical of themselves. Between 1987 and 1990, Steffi
Graf was ranked the #1 tennis player in the world; she won 97% of her matches. Yet, she was unhappy with her performance 97%
of the time. She was so self-demanding that during practice she frequently had an outburst of self-criticism and broke down
in tears. Surely intense motivation and excessive anxiety can sometimes be emotionally detrimental.
To be effective our motivation
has to be focused on important tasks. As Covey (1989) cogently illustrates, most of us spend a lot of time doing things that
seem urgent at the moment but are really not important in terms of our major mission in life. Also, we waste quite
a bit of our life doing things that are unimportant and not urgent, such as reading trash novels, watching mindless
TV, etc. So, assuming we do what we are motivated to do, then our motivations are frequently misguided. Covey also emphasizes
that our efficiency could be greatly increased if we spent more time doing things that are often not seen as urgent but
truly are important, e.g. clarifying the major purpose of our life, developing relationships that facilitate efficiency,
growth, and meaningfulness, planning and preparing for important upcoming tasks, reading, exercising, resting, etc. He tells
a story about a traveler who comes upon a hard working person sawing down a tree and asks, "How long have you been sawing
on this tree?" The tired, sweaty worker said, "A long time, seems like hours." So, the traveler asked, "Why don't you sharpen
your saw?" The reply was "I'm too busy sawing!" A lot of us are sawing with a saw that needs sharpened. We need to know a
lot more about the processes of motivation and self-direction.
Challenging-but-achievable
goals are themselves motivating. On the other hand, easy-to-reach goals are boring and/or demeaning. Impossible goals are
frustrating (and there are lots of impossible goals, in contrast with the "if you can dream it, you can achieve it" nonsense).
Since challenging but realistic goals require us to stretch and grow, they must constantly be changed to match the conditions
and our ability. We are most motivated when we feel capable, responsible, self-directed, respected, and hopeful.
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Make Motivation Last
By Zig Ziglar
Is
motivation something that gets you excited for the moment & lets you down the next day, or can it endure for a long time?
I see the
impact of motivation
in
people's lives every day. I get many letters & phone calls from people who say motivation has completely changed their lives.
Yet other people say that motivation has had little impact on them.
A study at Stanford
University has provided the reason for the variance. According to the study, only 5% of the people who buy into a concept
are able to implement it; the other 95% don't have the resources to do so.
Those few
words created as much excitement in me as any single sentence ever has, because they made something crystal clear:
The books & tapes are the resources!
That's
why I get so many more letters from people who say that my books & tapes have changed their lives than I get from people
who say that my speech changed their lives.
The next time you see an author
who presents a philosophy or concept that you believe can enrich your life, I encourage you to take the following steps:
Check out the author's credentials &
see whether he or she can document the results you hear being touted.
If the evidence is solid, buy the book or tapes.
Books & tapes give you the resources
you need to implement the concepts. When you take those steps, you make certain that the motivation you feel at the
moment can survive the day & impact your future over the long haul.
People who are concerned about their futures take the necessary steps today in the form of growing, learning, studying
& planning for their futures.
This process generates enthusiasm & excitement about their futures, so they take the necessary action to ensure those futures.
People who aren't concerned about their futures because they don't think they have futures are the ones who take no action. They drift along, singing the old Doris Day song, "Que Sera, Sera" &
they drift into their declining years w/out any excitement or, in most cases, w/out any resources to enjoy even the basics of life w/out
depending on others.
It's interesting to note that these 2 groups of people live at the same time, possibly in the same area &
may work in the same job or profession. It's not the absence of opportunity but the absence of motivation
that's the problem for the second group.
If you think you have no future, let me suggest that having a future is a matter of choice. If you continue to read books & start
setting specific goals, you're doing something about your future.
Your excitement (motivation) grows & from that point on, you can develop the actions that dramatically
enrich your future.
Zig Ziglar offers a weekly newsletter filled w/more of his inspiring stories as well as practical ideas to help you in the areas of sales, marketing, customer service
& related topics. You can join going to http://www.zigziglar.com
Steps (for article on left column)
Step One:
Decide what you really want to accomplish. What price are you willing to pay? Deal w/early distractions & your own resistance.
Within
the context of having many motives, there are 2 fundamental needs for many of us:
(a)
The need to achieve
(b)
The need for social affiliation or love
Ordinarily,
the latter provides its own motivation or drive, but it’s
not uncommon for someone who truly wants to achieve some distant goal, e.g. become a doctor, to find it very difficult to
give up partying, hanging around w/friends, listening to music, watching TV, playing sports, etc. We want to have it all.
But often we can't.
So, the
first question is: "Is there anything you’re willing to throw yourself into, to sacrifice for?"
If your
answer is "no," it's not something to feel guilty about.
i.e.,
I’ve heard powerful arguments that it’s better to personally & directly help friends right now than to strive
to excel in the future as a psychologist or to develop "the best" department or to write a book.
There
are many good ways to live.
Being
overly competitive: always trying to beat the competition & excel - may not be the ideal lifestyle (Kohn, 1986).
Likewise, there are tolerant
ways of looking at a low or moderate need to achieve: perhaps you're still maturing psychologically & need love & attention from friends or a lover more than anything else at this time (see
Maslow's theories in chapter 4).
Perhaps
you need to build your own self-esteem before you can devote yourself to others & a career. Perhaps you correctly realize your limitations &/or prefer to live at a leisurely pace. We don't all have to be high achievers.
If your
answer is "yes, I’d make many sacrifices in order to_______," you probably already know what
you need to do (by noting what other successful persons have done).
Becoming
highly motivated isn't easy, if it doesn't come naturally to
you. But it’s possible. I've seen many students change & devote themselves to a career, to studying, to taking charge of their life. Here are some things to do to heighten
your motivation:
- Write down all the reasons why you want to (e.g. be a psychiatrist).
(You’re most motivated
when doing whatever is your choice, not someone else's & gives meaning to your life.)
The more reasons you have, the more motivated
you’ll be.
- Be sure your long-range goals
are realistic & moral. Talk to others about your motives. This will clarify your
thinking. Be sure the means & the end goals are in line w/your values.
- Consider what highly motivated person w/your goals
would do. Observe & talk to a role model.
- Set sub-goals,
- plan daily schedules
- e.g. study 8 hours a day
- See scheduling in chapter 13
- Plan your life well enough & get enough
self-control that you expect to succeed.
- Consider the most likely distractions, make plans for avoiding them. Guard against immediate temptations distracting
you from your more important long-term goals.
- List all the sources of resistance you can foresee; your ways of avoiding the work, your temptations, your excuses
& self-cons.
Ask what these resisting forces are trying to achieve for you; see if those needs can be met some other
way. Look for the fears that cause you to resist change
& try to handle these fears.
- When you've definitely decided what goals you want to be your priorities, stop thinking about the decision. Get on
with it.
- Commit yourself publicly,
specifically & wholeheartedly to reaching your goals.
Altogether,
these ideas boil down to: learn self-discipline. A critical part of discipline is learning
to postpone pleasures & stick w/the job until it’s done. You must be able to envision the
desired pay offs in the future but stay steady, organized & dependable along the way.
Step Two: Acquire the skills you’ll need to succeed. You aren't likely to be motivated
& enthusiastic about your work unless you’re competent.
Ask what
skills will be needed. Learn the skills before they're needed.
Examples: decision-making,
study, scheduling, communication, assertiveness skills (chapter 13).
Beyond
special skills, learn the fundamentals of whatever you’re doing. First, in school, by realizing that general knowledge
taught is school provides the foundation for all other useful, practical information.
So, learn
to comprehend what you read well; learn to speak & write well; learn math & history & psychology...
Second,
on the job, no matter what level you start at, get experience at the lowest level.
Don't
be in a rush to advance; if you’re working your field, get to know everything about it. If you know what you’re
doing, you’ll be more at ease, more secure & more passionate about the work.
It's eye opening
to realize that Howard Gardner describes 7 intelligences.
Schools
only teach two:
There
are 5 more:
- spatial orientation &
art
- psychomotor skills &
athletics
- musical talent
- an understanding of others & an ability to work w/them
- an understanding of yourself & the ability to handle your own problems
Develop
all your intelligences. This is the highest level of motivation
- self-actualization.
Look for
& hone any special talents you have. If you’re a good teacher or speaker,
get experience. If you relate well or have a talent for drawing or whatever, polish those skills & look for opportunities
to contribute your talents to good causes. Experience the joy of using all your potential. We’re driven to be outstanding, not to be mediocre.
Step Three: Make changes in the environment, learn the self-instructions & provide the rewards necessary to get done what you need to do.
See chapters
4 & 11, especially learned industriousness. Reinforce your constructive behavior several times a day, give larger rewards
every week. Shift from extrinsic to intrinsic reinforcement (See chapter
4).
Talk to
yourself, taking responsibility & giving directions, pep talks & praise.
Confront
negative self-talk, like "I'm too stupid to be an engineer," by testing out the idea, "I'm smart enough if I work
hard." (See methods #1 & #3 in this chapter.)
Associate
w/friends who support your achievements. Encourage each other. If you admire or identify w/someone, hopefully he/she will model the desired behavior for you.
Be prepared to leave friends as you move on.
Surround
yourself, if possible, w/able & highly motivated people.
You’ll be threatened, but you'll learn much more, you’ll be motivated by them & your group will achieve much more.
Some "hot
shots" can't stand to get help from others or to share success. The experience of being part of a highly effective team is the thrill of a lifetime. Don't let
your ego or your insecurity deprive you of the experience.
Follow
your own directions, set your own goals. Research has shown that high achievers are independent, while low achievers conform to others' wishes. So, try to avoid being too desperate for others' approval or to belong to a group (unless
that group supports your achievement).
Record
your "target" behavior daily & plot it. Most people will seek success if they think success is likely. Thus, maximize the probability of success & minimize the stress of failing.
Low self-esteem people give up (self-handicapping) when failure seems likely, so make sub-goals easy. Failure motivates high esteem people (Raynor & McFarlin, 1986). Use failure as a cue to try harder.
Step Four: Enrich your self-concept: both w/wonderful fantasies of possible successes & w/visions of ways you might fail.
Read inspiring
stories, which you can relate to your life by using:
- American Guidance (1977)
- The Bookfinder
Find other motivational books,
such as:
- My Power Book by Dan & Marie Lena (1991)
- Ziglar's (1975, 1987) See You at The Top or Top Performance
- Robbin's (1991) Awaken
the Giant Within
which are mentioned in chapter 4. Any of
the Chicken Soup for the Soul books (Canfield
& Hansen, 1991-6) are touchingly inspirational.
Observe
successful people, role-play taking risks & succeeding & gain knowledge increasing your expertise. Do everything to increase your ability & confidence, because believing you can succeed increases your motivation.
Nurture
positive, confident, optimistic attitudes. See method #9. A self-doubting pessimist can hardly be highly motivated. Imagine in detail how wonderful life will be when you succeed, how pleased you'll be. Do this every day.
Using
the methods outlined in chapter 4, learn to think "I am responsible" (note relationship between outcome & effort),
"I am in control" (note you can change), "I have ability" (note how success increases as your skills develop) & "I value being successful" (note the pay offs of doing well). These
beliefs lead to hard work & pride.
A negative, defeatist attitude towards oneself is likely to be detrimental, to involve a lack of confidence, to reduce motivation & so on, so work
on improving your self-concept if that is a problem (see method #1 in this chapter).
However, high self-esteem doesn’t lead to high achievement. Rather, doing well academically & socially leads to
increased self-esteem (Nielsen, 1982).
Research
suggests that optimally motivated persons have a balance between their positive selves & negative selves, i.e. their positive expectations & their frightening awful possible outcomes. Both dreams & fears are needed; dreams draw us to success & visions of failure scare the hell out of us when we goof off (Cantor,
Markus, Niedenthal, & Nurius, 1986). Some anxiety is helpful.
Anthony
Robbins (1991), a motivation writer, expresses a similar idea. He says we should associate massive pain
w/not changing & massive pleasure w/changing & do it now!
The examples
he gives of massive pain include having an agreement to eat a can of dog food if you go off your diet, the humiliation of publicly admitting you’ve failed (reporting to a support group how you’re doing or jumping up in a restaurant, point to your chair & shout "Pig! Can't you control yourself?"), thinking about getting cancer from smoking, thinking about the terrible loss if your
spouse caught you having an affair & divorced you, etc.
Ask yourself:
"What will I lose if I don't change?" & "What will I gain if I do change?" Also, how will my failing to change affect others: my loved ones, my business, my chances to do other things?
What will
changing do for others or permit me to do? The idea is to make the pay offs & consequences so strong in your mind that
you feel you must change immediately.
Force
yourself every few days to assess the progress you’re making towards your major life goals. This is hard for some people,
called certainty-oriented, who don’t want to know how well
or poorly they’re doing, how able they are, what the outlook is for them, etc.
If you
resist taking personality tests, dislike reading & using methods for increasing
self-understanding & criticize the test or person giving you accurate but negative feedback, then you’re probably certainty-oriented & failure threatened (Sorrentino & Short, 1986). Guard against burying your head in the
sand. Indeed, if they will face facts, greater awareness of potential future failures may be quite motivating for these people.
Step Five: Avoid continuing distractions, especially hedonistic temptations
& strong emotions. Keep focusing on the important-for-the-future-tasks at hand.
Stay relaxed. Keep disruptive
emotions under control (see chapters 5, 6, 7 & 8).
Try to "lose yourself" in your work. See flow in
method #13 in chapter 11. As soon as a tempting distraction occurs, immediately remind yourself
of your reasons for taking on this project, the desired pay offs & all the unfortunate
consequences of not doing what you intended to do.
Guard against being
seduced by immediate pleasures, which cause you to neglect
your long-term objectives.
If you suspect you’re motivated to fail because of repeated failures,
seek professional help. Learning to handle set backs & failures is important. Read about the failures in Abraham Lincoln's life; he
bounced right back.
Step Six: Enjoy the fruits of your labor.
A major motivation is self-enhancement, i.e. treasuring your strengths & feeling good about your accomplishments.
Feel proud.
Success yields status & material
gains. Enjoy them. Celebrate each step towards success; tell friends,
party, re-dedicate yourself to the next task.
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