  
Parents Still Naive to Adolescent Drug Use
Over
the past several months & more recently the last few weeks, there have been tragedies in our country that have sparked
fear & vengeance in the hearts of Americans.
The "DC Sniper" has driven
some schools to close down temporarily & parents are taking precautions to protect their children from exposure. Though the death & destruction reached unfathomably new heights & receives the majority
of attention thru the media, there is a much more dangerous situation that still claims more lives than individual psychopaths
& terrorist groups combined & that's drug addiction.
As if the use itself weren't
a big enough problem, a recent survey shows that our children are doing more than we're aware of.
Survey results from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America revealed that only 1% of parents
believe that their child may have tried the club drug ecstasy.
By comparison, 12% of the
teens surveyed claimed to have actually taken the highly toxic substance. In addition, 49% of the parents surveyed knew what
effects the drug has on users.
This clearly shows that
there must be more education & awareness, not just for the adolescents that are faced w/the decision to remain drug-free, but certainly for the parents & teachers
as well.
Substance abuse is w/out question a national epidemic & is the number one societal problem, costing taxpayers roughly $143 billion annually
in preventable health care costs, extra law enforcement, auto crashes, crime & lost productivity according to the latest
estimates by the Department of Health & Human Services.
The drugs that are used
have varied throughout regions & time periods. In the past few years there has been a nationwide surge in the use of MDMA,
also known as ecstasy. Though at first "X", as it is sometimes referred to, was a party drug in larger metropolitan areas,
the drug has seeped its way into the rural towns of America & its pervasive harmful effects are now prevalent everywhere.
Evidence of this has prompted
stories in the media in on the growing ecstasy problem. One of the biggest problems w/this so-called club drug is that the youth of today don't perceive the substance to be dangerous, regardless of the endless pages
of scientific data clearly stating the damage that is done by ingesting this chemical compound.
MDMA (3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine) is a very potent drug that combines amphetamine & a mild hallucinogen.
Like many illicit drugs, ecstasy was developed & patented by a pharmaceutical company, but like so many other controlled substances was found to be extremely
toxic & hazardous.
Drug rehabilitation expert
L. Ron Hubbard discovered that toxic substances, such as ecstasy, get lodged in the fatty tissue of a person's body &
remain there for years after use ceases. The old drug residues can trigger cravings or a person's desire for more drugs at any time the person's heart rate increases & burns fatty tissue for energy, releasing the drug particles back
into the blood stream.
Some of the physical effects
of the drug include increased heart rate, dangerously high body temperature, dehydration & involuntary jaw clenching.
The number of emergency room incidents involving ecstasy has skyrocketed over the last couple of years. The most devastating effect of ecstasy is what it does to a person's mind.
A person's memory consists
of pictures, or recordings, of everything that has happened in the past & included in the memory are sight, sound, smell,
taste, touch & also the emotion. Ecstasy, thru its psychoactive component, scrambles & alters these pictures & emotions.
This makes it very difficult
for the user to have any sense of reality. Ecstasy also damages a person's natural ability to feel
good, so extreme depression follows the "high" & leaves the person to feel the long-term effects of the drug, which creates a feeling of wanting
that high again to replace the depression.
The cycle continues, taking
more of the same drug to escape the condition brought on by that drug, all the while causing more damage mentally & physically.
One former ecstasy user summed up the drug's effects oh him saying, "I felt so much emotional pain & was so depressed that I wanted to end my life & take all of the world's pain w/me."
Perhaps the most appealing
aspect of the drug for youth is the initial feeling of euphoria, but the way it's packaged
& ingested makes it seem easier to take. The idea of just taking a pill w/a design stamped on it makes it more attractive
& appear less harmful.
Additionally, popping a
pill is more socially acceptable than snorting, smoking or injecting a drug. There are pro-rave groups that promote the "purity" of the drug, trying to push
off the casualties & depression as misuse or impure pills, feeding more lies to the millions of users by saying its okay to take the drug.
When it comes to ecstasy
or any other type of drug, the truth behind the advocates is they're the ones that benefit most financially by people becoming addicted. i.e., there has been a multi-billion dollar increase in prescription drug manufacturing, promotion & users.
Learning from Loss, Learning from Love
By Leticia Araujo Perez
It's so easy to
have dreams, fantasies & standards as we wonder how it will feel when we envision ourselves falling in love. Oh, as a young girl or young boy in our innocent & naīve minds, it’s so delightful imagining how our married life will be, envisioning
the connection between husband & wife ‘til death do us part.
When the time of
transition of adulthood comes & we believe we've met that man or woman whom we believe will make us complete, it’s not hard to find ourselves infatuated w/physical lust, giggling silly & walking on
clouds as we whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears, as we walk down the street or stroll thru the grassy pastures
of a summer park.
We've crossed the
boundary of liking each other & now we find ourselves slowly or quickly falling in love. We believe this feeling will never end. We find ourselves being swept off our feet, regardless of the signs of trouble &/or red flags that are
waiving us down intuitively, telling us to slow down; perception isn't always reality.
In the first few
months of our spirits as one, our thoughts toward each other can be sung like a hymn, using any of these following phrases as we think of one another, when we’re apart:
"He notices me."
"She makes me feel good." "He makes me feel excited about life." "Can you believe it, she’s in love with me." "He finds me worthy of his love."
"She sees me as
her shining prince with all of my weaknesses & my faults." "Oh, my God, I’m living my most cherished dream. I know
this feeling will never end."
Though, I admit
we hardly knew each other & maybe we put up our best facades to keep the fantastic highs in our relationship & it
seemed our marriage was more of a burden than a joy, why was it such a shock to the heart a couple of years later when papers were served at the door announcing your request
for a divorce?
No one ever told
me that going thru a divorce would be so devastating, such a horrific blow to my self-esteem & feeling like such a slow & tormenting death.
In hindsight, as
the years have passed by & I find myself pondering the ups & downs of my life, I'd have never believed anyone if someone would have told me that a love like ours would have ever ended & broken apart.
I remember quite
clearly the painful phrases that we’d scream at each other in the heat of anger w/our heads spinning in confusion & hurt: "It’s over." "I want out." "I need to find myself." w/my conclusion, "I feel weak & I can’t believe this is happening to me."
"I guess I’m
simply in denial as I find myself now falling asleep alone." "Yes, maybe we weren’t ready to be married." "I guess we both contributed to the falling apart of our marriage."
The sunny outlook
on life is now cast w/a shadow of a dark cloud as I find myself feeling angry, lonely & resentful. This isn't natural to me. I feel embittered, sad & torn apart. What happened to the love we once had?
Had the distance,
the non-communication & the lack of respect for each other’s feelings just too much to bear for our fragile relationship?
"This is surreal."
"I don’t want to believe it." "We’ll make up tomorrow, but tomorrow comes & go & as each day passes, we’re getting more distant." "Yes, I guess this must be true." "I guess you won’t be back." "Now, what do I do?" "I guess I must step forward
& become the woman I’m meant to be: a single mother w/my child w/my whole life ahead of me."
As the judge asks,
"Do you accept this divorce?" All I can say in my trembling voice is "Yes, I accept," as I quietly concede in my soul, as I look over at you, to your wishes & let go of you now w/your new title of ex spouse.
"You seem so strong
& so full of life." "Why do I feel so sad & so weak?" "Can I get thru this?" My mind can’t stop reminiscing of our wedding day & the memories of our
courtship & our marriage, as the judge keeps on speaking to me, asking me questions I’d rather not answer.
I know in my head
that the best thing for me is to let go of this marriage, but I simply feel overwhelmed & defeated, as I come to the realization that my first marriage has failed, is dead & has no hope for reconciliation.
We don’t
talk to each other anymore; now, we only communicate thru our high paid lawyers about child custody & child support. "What
ever happened to those sweet nothings that meant so much to us?" "Yes, I know, those days are gone, now that you have a new love."
After the break-up
of my first marriage, I found it so easy to fall in self-pity when I’d
look out the window & observe the beauty of love thru couples of all ages, full of warmth & true love for each other, as they walked down the street outside my home.
It was sad when I finally resigned to the truth of what happened & the reason why our love died. We both contributed, really, to the death of our relationship. I worked long hours, was prideful & immature. Your betrayal, deceit, staying out all night, only exacerbated the distress & pain of our superficial relationship.
The knife of the
pain to my heart was even more jagged, when all of those red flags suddenly made me regret not heeding the advice of others that I wanted so badly to dismiss.
Now, I understand the wisdom gained & the respect of the loss of a marriage thru divorce. Because of this experience, thank you my dear ex, I'll never judge another going thru marital distress. I've grown. I simply am not the same.
I can only wonder
deep down in my heart if I will ever give love a second chance?
A few years later
as I reluctantly went to a dance w/my mother, it all happened one day ironically on a Valentine’s day. Being a single
mother now, happier w/myself than I have ever previously been & having decided to move on w/my life, I feel alive & good to be by myself
& single again.
I've gained self-love & self-respect, tools I have never had in my life. Thru counseling & therapy I came to the conclusion I'd never accept disrespect or humiliation. And when I least expected it, here he comes, my true love, my second husband, who, as it turns out, is the love of my life.
As I feared & trembled as I looked into this man’s beautiful eyes when he asked me to dance, I quietly asked my Higher Power
to guide me & protect me & to teach me to enjoy the precious moments as I made a new friend & danced to my heart’s delight that night
like I hadn’t ever before in my life.
The months go by
& we date. To my amazement, this man is patient, respects the pain of my past & respects my feelings of fear, of not wanting to get too close too quickly or to commence a serious relationship.
He reiterates:
"It’s okay to let go." "Don’t fear." "I’m not your past." "I will wait & hope that your heart will open up." Oh, my God is all I can say, as I slowly wonder if I can take another chance on love. "I like him." "He’s wonderful to me." "He’s so different from my past experiences but I feel scared, so should I just bail out by comparing?"
I push him away.
He respects my wanting space. "I am starting to miss him but I don’t want to miss him." "I know I can do it on my own." He brings
me flowers when I least expect it, reading me a poem or two on the phone when he’s far away. "Oh, my God, what do I do?"
"I’m falling in love w/this man & he loves & treats my son as his child, too." I struggle not to give my heart away to this man’s God-fearing arms, for fear of the past & fearing that he too might tear my heart apart.
Should I hold my
experiences of the past against him for the only reason of his being a man or should I surrender & let this man’s
love envelope me & come into me like a feeling that now seems so foreign to me?
"My God, what do
I do?" "I’m a single mother now & I can’t make hasty or irresponsible decisions. I simply have too much to lose." Yes, I’ll let time go by, lots of time & see if he’ll wait to see if my
ambivalence & fear of rejection pass.
Yes, years have
now gone by & now I find myself happily married & expecting my second son. "Oh, my God, thank you Lord, I’ve let go of my past, enjoying the present & looking forward to the future w/my new husband & now w/an extra bonus, my young
son will now have a loving little brother soon."
"What a beautiful
thing it is to learn from the past & to learn from love."
"Dear God, you’re
right. It's possible to start again." Thank you for the wonder of true love & providing a smile on my face w/self-love & self-respect & a mutually loving relationship. As I look out the window, that happy couple I used to observe outside is now living inside my home.
By Leticia Araujo Perez -Author of Making your Record: Courtroom Guidebook for Attorneys
and Law Students published by the National Institute for Trial Advocacy, www.nita.org and also available on Amazon.com. Contributing Writer for the Oregon and Washington Law Journals. Freelance
court reporter for the San Francisco Superior Court.
John Amodeo, Ph.D.
(This
article appeared in the April/May issue of The Arizona Networking News & is based on Dr. Amodeo's new book, The Authentic
Heart)
As each
birthday passes, do you feel that something you've always longed has yet to happen? Have you given up the search for love, or wonder how to bring new life into a current relationship?
The good news is that
love is alive & well. After practicing psychotherapy for over 20 years, I've found that the key to satisfying relationships is to attend to certain aspects of personal growth. As Gandhi taught, we need to look at ourselves, not change
others. But what specifically do we need to work on to create a fertile climate for love & intimacy?
I've discovered 8 essential steps that help us move beyond young, naive images of love to a more mature approach to loving from our authentic heart. Here are 5 of them:
Step 1: Understand the Difference between Young Love & Mature Love. Young Love: Hole-filling.
Mature Love: Whole-making.
Rather than look to others to fill the hole in your soul, you can use love relationships to enhance the life & love that's growing within yourself. Relationships don't complete you; they support you to grow into
an ever-increasing wholeness within yourself.
Step 2: Heal the Shame that Keeps Love Away.
Shame is that gnawing sense of feeling defective, unworthy, or inadequate. Toxic shame, along w/its cognitive cohort, the
inner critic, keep your life energy suppressed &
hold you back from living & loving from your vulnerable, tender heart.
Afraid of being shamed or embarrassed, we don't show vulnerability or take risks. We fabricate a false self designed to win
love by looking good, not being real. We hide fears, withhold tears & fail to be emotionally honest because we don't want to look bad. This is a recipe for
isolation, not love!
Step 3: Find the Courage to Affirm the Authentic You
Love & intimacy require openness. Who you really are is beautiful beyond imagination. What you
perceive to be flaws or baggage can actually be a pathway to a deeper connection w/a person who appreciates your courage to be open & real. Profound intimacy can arise between people who are courageously authentic.
Step 4: Respect Yourself Thru Boundaries
Interestingly,
you can't have intimacy w/out boundaries that define your autonomy. You can't relate deeply to another person until you differentiate yourself from that person, which
means relating deeply to yourself.
The ability to calm & comfort yourself is an essential skill of loving. Learning to how to hold yourself w/love & caring prevents you from being a victim of how others treat you.
When things
don't go your way, you then have a self to come home to. Practices such as meditation, yoga & therapy can help you learn to hold yourself w/love, which provides a safe foundation for taking the risks necessary to live & love from your authentic heart.
Intimacy requires authenticity. We can't feel close if weren't being & showing our authentic heart. This most tender & vulnerable part of ourselves lives untouched by our judgments of self & others.
Being authentic involves a process of unlayering getting to the deeper
levels of our felt experience. i.e., if your partner is late, you might feel angry & critical: "There you go working late again! Your job is more important than our relationship!" This hostile, critical reaction is likely to prompt your partner to work even later hours!
Looking deeper, you might find feelings that lie closer to your core. If you take some time to attend gently to your inner world, you might discover that you feel hurt or miss your beloved. By finding the courage to contact these more deeply authentic feelings, you might say, "I miss you when you work late. I enjoy your company. I'd love to spend more time with you."
This kind, respectful, more genuine communication is likely to elicit a more positive response & disrupt the power struggle. I've seen repeatedly how trust & connection grow when two people take time to connect w/the deeper layers of their authentic heart.
I often hear couples
say, "We have a big communication problem." Perhaps so. But more fundamentally, they usually have an awareness problem & a courage problem. It takes awareness to gain access to what were really feeling & wanting. And it takes courage to acknowledge & express our tender hurts & fears, pain & sorrow, love & appreciation.
Your
authentic heart involves your world of feelings, longings, wants, intuitions & what holds meaning in your life - perhaps raising a family, caring for the environment, making a contribution to the world. Your authentic heart also contains qualities of your deeper essence,
such as your beauty, strength, warmth, wisdom, love & value.
Authenticity
is about inviting ever deeper levels of yourself to unfold in their own fluid way. Uncovering these layered depths enables
you to relate more intimately, first w/yourself & then w/others w/whom you're growing to feel safe.
Boundaries & Communication
One of lifes curious paradoxes is that you can't have
intimacy w/out boundaries that define your autonomy. You can't relate deeply to another person until you differentiate yourself from that person, which
means relating deeply to yourself. As two people become more & more whole within themselves, they can enjoy a resonance
of heart & soul that is nourishing & enlivening.
Boundaries are necessary to protect your heart from people who might shame, attack, or hurt you. Asking yourself these questions will help you understand yourself in a way that allows healthy connection w/others.
1. What do you want in a relationship? Do you tend to give up yourself to please others?
2. Can you respect your partners needs while honoring your own?3. Are
you comfortable saying "yes" & "no" to your partner & are you willing to deal w/the consequences of not betraying yourself?
Just as it's important as set boundaries to respect ourselves, we need to respect others thru kind conversation, rather than attacking, blaming & shaming others.
Communication
becomes narcissistic if we ignore how our manner of speaking may affect other tender human beings. When you communicate, allow yourself to be guided by these 3 questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it helpful?
By now, you might be thinking that a mature relationship sounds like a ton of work! We need to revise our understanding of what it means to love, heal our shame, take risks to be authentic, set boundaries that aren't too rigid & notice how our communication affects others! Well, if relationships didn't take a very specific
kind of attention, we'd have figured out by now how to have fulfilling relationships & we'd be in relationship heaven!
The
good news is that the path to mature love is simultaneously a path toward ourselves & toward a deeper spirituality. A healthy relationship requires that we know ourselves more & more fully. What better way to spend our time than be
committed to the growth necessary to have a rich, fulfilling relationship w/ourselves, others, & life itself.Giving up hope may not be bad; in fact, it may be something to applaud!. However, we need to give up hope not in love itself, but in love's alluring cousin: naive, romantic love.
Sadly, we grow up w/distorted images of what it means to love. Romantic songs
& movies prod us to fit the round dream of romance into the square peg of authentic love. This conditioning has taken
many of us on a wild ride toward broken dreams & misery.
Young Love: Love is enough.
Mature Love: Love is a good start.
Falling in love is great! Now put the foundation
under you. Learn how to work thru conflicts & deal w/differences. In young love, you naively
assume that no matter what conflicts arise, your love will always triumph. In mature love, we learn to dance skillfully in the light &
the darkness.
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Naive Seniors in Today's World!
By Barbara Gould I'd ordered, by phone, two CD's from the local music shop. Feeling guilty that I hadn't ever purchased a lot from them unless it was something they had to order. But I've ordered a few times before
& the service is good besides they can get almost anything you want.
They
had the Tom T. Hall in stock but would order Don Gibson & that one would be in the next day.
I waited until afternoon then went into town. As usual had a few things to pick up which I did before going
to the Music Shop. There were a few other customers. A couple scanning the racks & two young men, looked like college
boys, or maybe high school seniors moving from section to section.
The male clerk
greeted me asking what he could do. I countered with "Do you have Tom T. Hall under the counter for me?"
He grinned & proceeded to look, then said, "Sure do, you must be Barb" & he placed it on the counter.
"Great, now did your load come in?"
"Sure
did."
"So did you get Don Gibson?"
He went
thru a stack & removed it from the big plastic frame type thing that they wear during their shelf life. Then & this
is when the entire atmosphere changed.
"Okay, now let me ask you, do you know anything
of an Uncle Kracker CD w/the song “Follow Me"?
He
looked at me & tried real hard to remain casual but I could see he was about to burst into laughter. "What is the matter?"
I asked.
Here is a middle aged man, long salt & pepper curly hair parted in the
middle & past his shoulders in length. His charming smile shining from a kind of squared shape face beneath a pair of
wire rimmed glasses. He audibly cleared his throat & said:
"You don't look like
the kind of person that would listen to that kind of music."
Oh boy, I'm thinking. I'm following him from section to section in his search for this CD. By now he is really laughing. I'm embarrassed but I point to an Alan Jackson CD & tell him, this is my kind of music.
“What
do you listen to?” I asked.
"The kind that is playing, Classical."
"I have a few of those too," I counter. Now we are both laughing & I ask him: "Just what is wrong w/this
Kracker? Is it obscene or violent?"
"Oh,
I don't say it's wrong, I'm trained to say that it just isn't what I listen to, but," he thrust it at me pointing out the censorship label, a parental guidance.
"Ohhhhhhh,"
I also noticed the price label was nearly twenty dollars.
"Well,"
I tell him, "I'm not going to buy that, I will leave it up to Randy & if he wants it he can come in & get it later."
By now we are back at the counter; he looks around the store & says, "I can play you a little
of it if you want to hear it." The other customers have gone.
I gave it a bit of
thought & said, "Well, no, I don't think so....I'm curious but also afraid of what I might hear, so guess not, but thanks."
Smiling
he said, "Tell you what, if you promise to bring it back I can let you take the stores copy home & listen to it & if you don't want to buy it that’s fine, but you got to promise to bring it back."
"No thanks," I said. "Randy isn't that kind of guy; I mean he wouldn't want to play offensive music in our home, he just liked that one song, he had heard it on the radio. I would almost bet he has no idea what the
rest of it is like." In spite of being red faced & feeling somewhat like an idiot I was still
laughing.
"He wouldn't have asked me to check on it if he had known its raunchy stuff."
I added.
"Well,
there are 3 of us guys that work here & not one of us plays it, soooooo," he hunches his shoulders & grins.
I wrote a check for the two tapes I'd ordered, he sacked them up & I left. We were both still
laughing & I thanked him for the prompt service & also the courtesy. I considered it more of an education.
I laughed to myself all the way home thinking how I'd harass Randy for sending me to the Music Store to purchase an x-rated CD!
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Hello Doc,
I must start
by saying I love your articles. My problem is that I'm seeing a 19-year-old woman. I'm 27. We love each other very much & have the same outlook on life. She went backpacking & hiking in Alaska for 3 months, which
I totally supported since I have traveled to almost every continent.
I'm a little worried &
it has nothing to do w/the fact that she was sharing a tent w/2 guys. During the trip she was allowed to come back to base
after a 2 month mark, during which time I'd written to her.
She had also written, telling
me how much she loves me. So after another month of no verbal communication, she came back to base & called & said that she has changed
so much that she now has a different outlook on life.
Now I don't know what that's
supposed to mean. She says that she misses me & can't wait to see me & that she loves me a lot. I'm meeting her in a few weeks. She lives in the Midwest & we're going to embark on a road trip together for
10 days. I'd like to know how to handle the situation so that she can get readjusted to me. I know that she has changed.
I have plans for us to go
hiking in India in a couple of years, which she's not aware of yet. I'd also like to add that before she left, our relationship was solid as a rock. I may just be feeling funny, but
I guess I need some reassurance in how to tackle the situation, since I haven't seen her for just over
3 months & she has to get back to reality. I love her very much & I know I can make this work. Any guidance you can give, Doc, would be great.
Thank you so much for reading this.
John -- who is feeling a little funny
Hi John,
Let me begin w/this caveat.
Most women who are between the ages of 18 & 22 are fickle w/their affections. They fall in & out of love at the drop of a hat. To make an emotional investment in a female who has such a lack of maturity & life experience is
a risky proposition. At the tender age of 19, she's got more oats to sow than Quaker.
But John, you've not only
been emotionally reckless, you're also pathetically
naīve. Your "true love" has been sleeping w/2 guys in a tent for 3 months & you're not concerned at all? Hey, I've got some extra Enron shares that I can sell you at a discounted price!
She didn't bring you
along in her backpack...
you're not in her plans....
And
another thing. Why weren't you included in her Alaskan adventure? A girl who is truly in love w/you & you alone, wouldn't take off on a trip where she couldn't even write to you for 2 months. She'd either take the
trip w/you or, she wouldn't go. 3 months in the wild is a long, long time & it's an eternity
to a 19 year-old. It would be impossible for a girl w/true High Interest to tolerate being away from you for a quarter of
a year.
And yes, what exactly was
that supposed to mean when she told you that she now has "a totally different outlook on life"? After those words passed from
her lips, you were left baffled & bemused. I'll bet you've been ruminating over what she said ever since, imagining the
best-case scenario vs. the worst-case scenario.
interrogate her
But you could have avoided having to marinate in a stew of doubt & confusion. You could have instantly liberated yourself from limbo. How?
By asking your girlfriend what she specifically meant when she said that she's "changed so much."
In relationships, there's a time to lay back & there's a time to get aggressive & do some serious interrogating, like a cop from Internal Affairs.
This was one of those times when you should have pinned your partner down, John.
Although you didn't get an explanation
from your girlfriend, I'll bet you a new pair of hiking boots that when she told you "I've changed so much," that was Womanese
for "One of my tent mates has shown me what 'The Call of the Wild' really means."
So before you start packin' for your
10-day road trip, you must first get your Alaska lovin' lassie on the phone & have a truth-telling session w/her.
You need to find out where her heart's
really at before you hit the road w/her. She may indeed end up revealing that her feelings for you have changed & that she wants to "just be friends" now. Maybe not, but if that is the case, wouldn't you rather know before
you spend 10 days & nights w/her?
If she does insist on shifting your
relationship to a platonic mode, I don't recommend that you take that trip w/her. Unless you're up for a vacation filled w/constant anguish.
Remember, guys: When they throw a
zinger at you, you've got to call 'em on it right when it happens.
If you would like to purchase and/or
have any questions about my famous System, e-mail me at doclovesystem@askmen.com. To find out more about "The System," visit my redesigned website by clicking here.
By Harlan Cohen
King Features Syndicate - Published September 8, 2003
Dear Harlan,
I recently moved into a new
house. I was outside chasing my cat when I came across my neighbor. We had an instant connection & we started talking. Turns out he lives w/his girlfriend of 2 years & he's 9 years older than I am.
I'm 20; he's 29. At first
we'd just hang out during the day while his girlfriend was at work & we left it at that. Then we both broke down &
kissed. It's been going on for about 2 months now.
We have this unbelievable connection. We hate being away from each other, but he is financially attached to his girlfriend. I know he'd rather be w/me than her & if the situation was different he'd leave her for me.
I'm not naive or ignorant to what this must sound like. I'm in love & can honestly say I want to spend the rest of my life w/him & won't be happy unless I do. But every day, I have to see him come home
& be w/her. I can't talk to him unless she isn't around. I'm at the point where I get bitter & angry every time she comes home & living so close doesn't help the situation either. What is one to do?
In the Chase
Dear In the Chase,
One should ask her neighbor
to ask his live-in girlfriend to get another job - this way she'll be out longer & he'll have extra money to shower you
w/loving gifts.
If you're not naive or ignorant, then you just must be extremely desperate. It's the only explanation why you'd think a guy who lives w/his girlfriend, cheats on her & can't leave her for financial reasons is perfect.
Rather than feeling all bitter & angry when you see his girlfriend come home, try feeling sadness. Feel sad that she's supporting a man who lies to her face, cheats behind her back & uses women w/no regard for their feelings (using you for entertainment & her for security).
To answer your question: One
should stop making excuses for inexcusable behavior & find a man who isn't a cheating, lying coward who uses women.
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|
|
and lose
