|
welcome! to feeling emotional, 3!
after looking things over here at feeling emotional,
3, try out "the layer down under," (part of
the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
Another Suggestion! Visit the homepage because it has more information about the emotional feelings network of sites!
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help!
Remember, extreme or traumatic physical injuries affect mental health as well.
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
|
| click here! |
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link
words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "feeling
emotional, 3," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites
included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined
link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
   If there's an unhealthy need you're feeling such as:
- the need to be perfect
- the need for approval
- the need to "fix" someone or something
- the need to be a victim or martyr
- the need to have a fantasy relationship
- the need for competition
- the need for confrontations
and more... click here to visit the "Unhealthy Needs" page!
It's new at feeling emotional, 3!
in the wake of Hurricanes Katrina & Rita
the mental health needs of children must be
considered!
Pediatricians Urge That Children's Mental Health Needs
Be Addressed In A Crisis
CHICAGO - The American Academy
of Pediatrics (AAP) urges parents & other caregivers to pay special attention to children's mental
health needs as the nation continues recovery & rebuilding efforts following Hurricane Katrina. The AAP has placed a listing of resources on its Web site at http://www.aap.org that address the physical & emotional
needs of children.
Children who have been displaced
by the flood face many losses such as the loss of home, familiar surroundings, a supportive school or daycare community, peers, prized possessions & potentially, loved ones.
Studies conducted after the
events of September 11 showed that mental health needs among children were widespread &
persistent - but often went unrecognized & in the majority of cases, untreated.
Because of children's developmental
limitations, they're often unable to express their needs directly or clearly. They rely on adults to help them identify & express
their concerns, to help them access supportive services, to model appropriate coping behaviors & to provide a supportive environment so they can begin to understand & adjust to the crisis.
The AAP urges parents &
caregivers to remember that if children receive support, they may emerge from a crisis more capable & resilient. Without such support, though, children are more likely to have difficulty adjusting & risk long-term problems.
"Over the next several weeks
& months, many children will need to begin the process of grieving the loss of loved ones that didn't survive the flood," says David Schonfeld, MD, FAAP, a behavioral & developmental pediatrician
& AAP spokesperson.
"Identification of remains,
funerals & memorial services will confront thousands of grieving families with painful decisions about how best to involve children - questions we shouldn't wait to answer. We must begin
immediately to help these children understand & begin to adjust to these losses."
Dr. Schonfeld says it's hard
for adults to acknowledge that young children can feel profound pain as they grieve the loss of a family member. But it's much harder for a child or adolescent to grieve in isolation & without adult support.
Pediatricians, in collaboration
with psychologists & other mental health professionals, can aid parents & other caregivers in communicating with children in ways that help them understand & begin to adjust to the impact of the disaster.
According to AAP President
Carol Berkowitz, MD, FAAP, "Pediatricians need to be able to identify when emotional distress is at the root of physical complaints. They should screen their patients for adjustment problems, perform timely & effective
triage when mental health problems are identified, provide brief supportive interventions & make appropriate referrals for mental health support & counseling as indicated."
Dr. Berkowitz points out that
even when it isn't a time of crisis, children in the US are most likely to receive treatment from primary care physicians
for symptoms associated with mental disorders. In times of disaster, pediatricians become even more critical in providing
such services.
For those families directly involved in the disaster, one of the
major losses will be the absence of community & the informal support networks that they rely on to deal with day-to-day challenges. Those networks, including schools for children, become vitally important in times of crisis.
Children who weren't directly
involved in the flood may still feel a large impact. And those children who are dealing with other stresses in their lives may be particularly sensitive as coverage in the media of the deaths of others is a reminder of personal loss.
Just like adults, many children
will feel sad for the loss of others. Disasters are a reminder that terrible things can & do, occur, which may make children more concerned about their own safety, as well as those they care about. It's important for parents & others to reassure children about their safety & the safety of their families without making promises that are difficult to keep.
"We should tell people that
even otherwise emotionally healthy individuals may experience significant emotional reactions in the aftermath of disaster," says Dr. Schonfeld. "These responses
may benefit from counseling. It isn't whether or not counseling is 'needed', but instead whether or not it may be of benefit. Our obligation is to provide supportive services to children who may benefit."
The AAP has a listing resources on its Web site that
address the physical & emotional needs of children. Visit http://www.aap.org
The American Academy of Pediatrics
is an organization of 60,000 primary care pediatricians, pediatric medical subspecialists & pediatric surgical specialists
dedicated to the health, safety & well-being of infants, children, adolescents & young adults.
EDITOR'S NOTE: The American Academy of Pediatrics
is joined in its efforts to assist children by the Society for Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics (SDBP), the Ambulatory
Pediatric Association (APA), the National Association of Children's Hospitals & Related Institutions (NACHRI) & the
Association of Medical School Pediatric Department Chairs (AMSPDC).
The notion of human needs
Most theories try to simplify
our personality so it's understandable; i.e., 3 parts or 9 character types or
"the environment determines
the behavior."
Henry Murray & other theorists
argued for much greater complexity. Murray wrote, "a personality is a full Congress of orators & pressure-groups...& a psychologist who doesn't know this in himself, whose mind is locked against the flux of images & feelings, should...make friends...with the various members of his household."
A need
is a force that causes us to act, to try to satisfy our specific wants. Murray identified 20 or
more needs, including:
- dominance: the state that
exists when one person or group has power over another; "her apparent dominance of her husband was really her attempt to make
him pay attention to her" - the power or right to give orders or make decisions; "he has the authority to issue warrants"; "deputies
are given authorization to make arrests"
- deference: Submission or courteous yielding to the opinion, wishes, or judgment of another - Courteous respect
- aggression: Hostile or destructive behavior or actions
- autonomy: the quality or state of
being independent, free & self-directing - personal independence
- nurturance: The providing
of loving care & attention.
- achievement: The act of accomplishing or finishing. - Something accomplished successfully especially by means of exertion, skill, practice or perseverance
- order: A condition in which
freedom from disorder or disruption is maintained thru respect for established authority: finally restored order in the rebellious provinces.
- understanding:
To perceive & comprehend the nature & significance of; grasp - To know thoroughly by close contact or long experience
with: That teacher understands children.
- sex: The sexual urge or instinct
as it manifests itself in behavior. - Sexual intercourse.
- self-abasement: Degradation or humiliation of oneself, especially because of feelings of guilt or inferiority.
- to avoid harm or blame from others
The strength of these needs are constantly changing but the strongest needs at any one time strongly influence our behavior. Therefore,
it's important to be able to measure the relative strength of our needs, as done with the Edwards
Personal Preference Schedule.
Also, if needs
determine our behavior, then it is vital to self-understanding that we know how our needs
developed. Just saying "I have a need" is hardly a complete explanation.
Fromm proposed these 5 needs:
(1) the
need for human contact, especially love but including destructive interaction (domination, sadism, or submissive dependency) if love isn't possible
(2) The
need for transcendence - to rise above &
change things - can be positive or negative. If we love ourselves & others, we can act creatively. If we're powerless, we're likely to be destructive.
(3) The
need for rootedness stems from our almost universal dependency on our mothers. This need is related to the need later
in life to worship & slavishly follow male authority figures; Fromm believes peace, justice & equality will only come when we truly love & are well rooted in our identification with our fellow humans all over the world.
(4)
The need for identity involves knowing ourselves
& accepting who we really are.
(5) The
need to believe in something & be devoted to those beliefs.
Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs was described in chapter 4 because unsatisfied
basic needs take priority over higher needs. That may
explain why certain changes in behavior are hard to make; i.e., pressing needs take priority over the desired new behavior.
However, if basic needs are satisfied, we're supposedly free to self-actualize. What exactly does this mean? What would we be doing if we were well adjusted & free of worry about physical-safety & love - self-esteem needs? Maslow studied successful, creative people to find out.
Our Children's Needs
by:
Robert Elias Najemy
A human being is pretty much formed & programmed in his or her
concepts about himself or herself & the surrounding world by the age of 8.
Most of the work, which is
done today by psychologists & psychiatrists, is to solve the problems & fill the gaps left by the experiences of those
earlier years.
Wouldnąt it be better to pay
more attention to how we bring up our children so that they can be stronger, more able, happier, more in harmony with themselves & their environment?
The future of the world depends on our children. The quality of our children & their ability to create a better world depends on us, but not in the way most may think. Let us consider here how we can help our children & ourselves to find harmony, health & happiness.
Seeds Don't Learn To Grow
Seeds grow into beautiful plants & huge almost immortal trees w/no education or training whatsoever.
What they're to become & how they're to become that, are already printed in their consciousness & chromosomes.
The same is true for all the
animals, plants & insects upon the earth. Is man the only exception? Are we so unintelligent that we can't understand what we must become & how we must become that? Are we so far behind the plants & animals in this matter? Or have
we destroyed this contact with our inner consciousness, our inner voice that could guide us on our way?
Adults in their well meaning
way, with an exaggerated concern for their children & an underestimation of the divine potential which lies within those small beings, inadvertently destroy
that small inner voice, as they try to mold their children into what they
believe their child should become.
This is also true of the educational
system as a whole. Thus the question, concerning how we can help our children, becomes, more accurately, how can we help ourselves
out of our mistaken concepts & anxiety about the future & lack of confidence in ourselves, our children & mankind so as not to become obstacles to the childąs natural development?
Our emphasis shouldn't be so much on how we can teach but on how we can learn & grow maturer emotionally,
mentally & spiritually. Then the "real parent", the divine within each child, will take over for us & for our children.
We
can't help our children find the voice within them if we haven't found our own. We can't help our children to be healthy
if we haven't created health for ourselves. We can't help them have self-confidence unless we ourselves have it.
Their self-respect depends on our self-respect, their inner peace on ours & their self-mastery on our self-mastery.
Learning thru example is much more effective for children than learning thru words. When the person who gives advice isn't
an example of those words, then not only do those words have no power, but they create a feeling of resentment & rejection towards the hypocrisy which is so obvious.
All children are idealists. They expect there to be a consistency between thoughts, words & actions. When there isn't, they feel insecure, they don't know what to believe. Consistency gives a child a feeling of security & respect.
What are their Needs?
This list of children's needs will by no means
be complete. These are some of the obvious needs that come to
mind at this moment. When I asked a small group of children to think about the basic needs of children, one child shocked me with
the most simple answers.
She said,
«The first need of children is PARENTS».
How simple, how obvious &
yet today how fragile is that assurance that the child will have the same 2 parents from its birth until adulthood.
«The second need of
children»
she said, «is to
have a good relationship with your parents». This 11 year-old child was telling me what took so many psychologists
so many years to understand & verify.
In working with adults with various emotional problems, most difficulties
seem to originate from the lack of affirmation of love & acceptance during their childhood.
When this base of love & acceptance is missing, then we have lot of work to do in our adult life in order to regain that self-love & self-acceptance. When this base of love is there as a child, then we can proceed on to other needs & activities. When it isn't
there, then whatever we'll do in our lives will have as a major motive, proving our ability & our self-worth.
Our Children's Needs Part 2 - Robert Elias Najemy
Security
Children need to feel secure. Few feel secure when there are conflicts occurring around them. Few can relax inwardly when others around them are shouting, accusing, criticizing & hating each other.
To a small child, tension between parents, or between parents & the child or other children, constitute a deep chasm of insecurity.
When the conflict is between the parents, it's often worse for the child. The child hasn't yet learned to feel
separate itself from the parents. It feels identification with both parents. Thus when they're
in conflict, it feels that the conflict is taking place between two parts of its own being. It might even begin hating itself as a result.
Children can't feel secure if the parents don't feel secure. If we're constantly worrying & have anxiety about money, health & the future, then our children will automatically be programmed to feel secure about these aspects of life.
This insecurity will remain with them & they'll waste large portions of time, energy & thought throughout their life, trying in vain to find «security» by controlling these external circumstances.
As adults, it's possible that
this inner programming that we aren't secure
may never be appeased. Thus the most effective way to offer a security base to our children isn't
to be found in providing them with a large inheritance but rather to establish an inner feeling of security within ourselves.
If we believe in ourselves & in our ability to cope with all of life's situations, the child will feel the same. As we feel more secure,
we will have less moments of conflict with others & our home will be in general more peaceful & more supportive for the child.
What do we mean by unconditional love? We mean that our feelings of love & acceptence for our children don't change or fluctuate depending on what they do or say, or what they decide to do with their lives. It isn't necessary to love & accept our children's behavior. We must make a distinction between our children's being, soul or consciousness &
their behavior.
We can reject a certain behavior & explain so to them, without rejecting their being or self. "I love you but I'm disturbed by this particular behavior."
Our children need to know that we accept & love them regardless of what they may do, but also that certain forms of behavior aren't acceptable to us. We should, however, investigate for ourselves why this behavior isn't acceptable. Is it because it'll be potentially harmful to the child, to someone else or to ourselves?
Or is it simply because we're
programmed that it shouldn't be done? Or does the behavior conflict with our expectations based on our personal needs & dreams for the child? Or are we afraid of what the others will think about our child & subsequently about us?
We must be very clear about why we're rejecting a certain behavior. Our rejection can come out of a place of real love & concern for the child, if, in fact, we aren't simply protecting our own interests. As long as a certain behavior does no real harm to anyone, it's best to allow the child to pursue it.
Something within them, some
need is guiding them to explore that kind of activity. They have something to learn thru
doing that. This doesn't mean that there aren't moments where control or even natural or logical consequences may be necessary. But we need to be sure that the
reasons are valid & have to do with real issues of safety or morality
& not because we're disappointed with the their grades or selection of hobbies, interests or friends.
In order to
love our children unconditionally, we'll need to start loving ourselves unconditionally. We'll have to let go of all the prerequisites we have put on our own self-love. We'll need to love ourselves even though we aren't perfect, even though we make mistakes, even when others don't love & accept us.
The more we free our self-love from the various prerequisites, the more our love for our children & others will become unconditional.
Our Children's Needs
- Part 3
Robert Elias Najemy
Affirmation
Children aren't
sure if they're able or not. They're small in such a large world. They're learning & thus making many mistakes as they
try to learn how to do things correctly.
In our attempt to help our children we
often tend to point out their mistakes more frequently than their successes. The mistakes are what are more obvious & thus we feel the need to point them out.
The successes are taken for granted.
We over-emphasize
what our children do wrong. This undermines their sense of ability & they start to doubt whether they can really succeed. Thus they become preoccupied, worrying about whether they'll be able to do it & whether they'll be criticized.
Thus little energy
is left for focusing on what they're actually doing so that they can do it correctly &
succeed. Then, if our children's performance suffers, we become even more critical. This creates a vicious circle in which our children's
sense of ability, success & worthiness is completely undermined.
Later in life we seek incessantly to prove that we're
okay, a success, by attempting to gain money, fame & respect from others. But it's a losing battle because inside us we're programmed to believe that we're not okay, not able. Although we may become very successful, we'll likely be unable to satiate our need to prove our ability over & over.
On the other hand, we may simply perpetuate the belief that we're failures & create continual failure in life, by undermining our success in relationships & at work & perhaps our sense of
|
