The notion of human needs

Most theories try to simplify our personality so it's understandable; i.e., 3 parts or 9 character types or

"the environment determines the behavior."

Henry Murray & other theorists argued for much greater complexity. Murray wrote, "a personality is a full Congress of orators & pressure-groups...& a psychologist who doesn't know this in himself, whose mind is locked against the flux of images & feelings, should...make friends...with the various members of his household."

A need is a force that causes us to act, to try to satisfy our specific wants. Murray identified 20 or more needs, including:

1. dominance: the state that exists when one person or group has power over another; "her apparent dominance of her husband was really her attempt to make him pay attention to her" - the power or right to give orders or make decisions; "he has the authority to issue warrants"; "deputies are given authorization to make arrests"

2. deference: Submission or courteous yielding to the opinion, wishes, or judgment of another - Courteous respect

3. aggression: Hostile or destructive behavior or actions

4. autonomy: the quality or state of being independent, free & self-directing - personal independence

5. nurturance: The providing of loving care & attention.

6. achievement: The act of accomplishing or finishing. - Something accomplished successfully especially by means of exertion, skill, practice or perseverance

7. order: A condition in which freedom from disorder or disruption is maintained thru respect for established authority: finally restored order in the rebellious provinces.

8. understanding: To perceive & comprehend the nature & significance of; grasp - To know thoroughly by close contact or long experience with: That teacher understands children.

9. sex: The sexual urge or instinct as it manifests itself in behavior. - Sexual intercourse.

10. self-abasement: Degradation or humiliation of oneself, especially because of feelings of guilt or inferiority.

11. to avoid harm or blame from others

The strength of these needs are constantly changing but the strongest needs at any one time strongly influence our behavior. Therefore, it's important to be able to measure the relative strength of our needs, as done with the Edwards Personal Preference Schedule.

Also, if needs determine our behavior, then it is vital to self-understanding that we know how our needs developed. Just saying "I have a need" is hardly a complete explanation.

Fromm proposed these 5 needs:

(1) the need for human contact, especially love but including destructive interaction (domination, sadism, or submissive dependency) if love isn't possible

(2) The need for transcendence - to rise above & change things - can be positive or negative. If we love ourselves & others, we can act creatively. If we're powerless, we're likely to be destructive.

(3) The need for rootedness stems from our almost universal dependency on our mothers. This need is related to the need later in life to worship & slavishly follow male authority figures; Fromm believes peace, justice & equality will only come when we truly love & are well rooted in our identification with our fellow humans all over the world.

(4) The need for identity involves knowing ourselves & accepting who we really are.

(5) The need to believe in something & be devoted to those beliefs.

Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs was described in chapter 4 because unsatisfied basic needs take priority over higher needs. That may explain why certain changes in behavior are hard to make; i.e., pressing needs take priority over the desired new behavior.

However, if basic needs are satisfied, we're supposedly free to self-actualize. What exactly does this mean? What would we be doing if we were well adjusted & free of worry about physical-safety & love - self-esteem needs? Maslow studied successful, creative people to find out.

This is also true of the educational system as a whole. Thus the question, concerning how we can help our children, becomes, more accurately, how can we help ourselves out of our mistaken concepts & anxiety about the future & lack of confidence in ourselves, our children & mankind so as not to become obstacles to the child¹s natural development?

Our emphasis shouldn't be so much on how we can teach but on how we can learn & grow maturer emotionally, mentally & spiritually. Then the "real parent", the divine within each child, will take over for us & for our children.

We can't help our children find the voice within them if we haven't found our own. We can't help our children to be healthy if we haven't created health for ourselves. We can't help them have self-confidence unless we ourselves have it.

«The second need of children»

 she said, «is to have a good relationship with your parents». This 11 year-old child was telling me what took so many psychologists so many years to understand & verify.

In working with adults with various emotional problems, most difficulties seem to originate from the lack of affirmation of love & acceptance during their childhood.

When this base of love & acceptance is missing, then we have lot of work to do in our adult life in order to regain that self-love & self-acceptance. When this base of love is there as a child, then we can proceed on to other needs & activities. When it isn't there, then whatever we'll do in our lives will have as a major motive, proving our ability & our self-worth.

Our Children's Needs Part 2   -  Robert Elias Najemy

Security
Children need to feel secure. Few feel secure when there are conflicts occurring around them. Few can relax inwardly when others around them are shouting, accusing, criticizing & hating each other.

To a small child, tension between parents, or between parents & the child or other children, constitute a deep chasm of insecurity.

When the conflict is between the parents, it's often worse for the child. The child hasn't yet learned to feel separate itself from the parents. It feels identification with both parents. Thus when they're in conflict, it feels that the conflict is taking place between two parts of its own being. It might even begin hating itself as a result.

Children can't feel secure if the parents don't feel secure. If we're constantly worrying & have anxiety about money, health & the future, then our children will automatically be programmed to feel secure about these aspects of life.

This insecurity will remain with them & they'll waste large portions of time, energy & thought throughout their life, trying in vain to find «security» by controlling these external circumstances.

As adults, it's possible that this inner programming that we aren't secure may never be appeased. Thus the most effective way to offer a security base to our children isn't to be found in providing them with a large inheritance but rather to establish an inner feeling of security within ourselves.

If we believe in ourselves & in our ability to cope with all of life's situations, the child will feel the same. As we feel more secure, we will have less moments of conflict with others & our home will be in general more peaceful & more supportive for the child. 

We can reject a certain behavior & explain so to them, without rejecting their being or self. "I love you but I'm disturbed by this particular behavior."

Our children need to know that we accept & love them regardless of what they may do, but also that certain forms of behavior aren't acceptable to us. We should, however, investigate for ourselves why this behavior isn't acceptable. Is it because it'll be potentially harmful to the child, to someone else or to ourselves?

Something within them, some need is guiding them to explore that kind of activity. They have something to learn thru doing that. This doesn't mean that there aren't moments where control or even natural or logical consequences may be necessary. But we need to be sure that the reasons are valid & have to do with real issues of safety or morality & not because we're disappointed with the their grades or selection of hobbies, interests or friends.

In order to love our children unconditionally, we'll need to start loving ourselves unconditionally. We'll have to let go of all the prerequisites we have put on our own self-love. We'll need to love ourselves even though we aren't perfect, even though we make mistakes, even when others don't love & accept us.

The more we free our self-love from the various prerequisites, the more our love for our children & others will become unconditional.

Consistency

Children, just like adults, expect consistency from the people around them. Consistency means that there's an agreement between what we think, what we say & what we do.

When we tell them not to smoke & smokes ourselves, this isn't consistent. When we tell them not to tell lies & then tell obvious lies to others in front of them, how can they respect us? When we have two sets of standards, one for ourselves & one for our children, they feel lessened, disregarded, unloved, disrespected.

When a mother forbids a child to wear make-up & spends time making up her own face, how can the child understand the obvious double message being given? When we give one message w/our words & another w/our lifestyle, our children become seriously confused.

They're being given a conflicting set of messages, a conflicting set of values & don't know which is true. This leads to inner conflict & insecurity. It may also lead to bitterness & resentment against the parents, teachers & society. Why should they respect & emulate a society of weak human beings who don't even have the strength to live up to their own values & are unable themselves to employ their own advice.

Our Children's Needs - Part 7   Robert Elias Najemy

Open Communication

Communication is the process, which opens up a channel of love, understanding & union between people. When it's lacking, no amount of money, education or material goods can bridge the gap that's created.

Few of us have enough time, inner peace & energy to communicate deeply w/our children. We need to spend more time talking w/children rather than look down to them. Children, like adults, want to feel connected to others.

They want to feel connected to their parents & teachers & others who are models in their lives. They want to be able to express how they feel, what they're thinking about, their fears, their joys, their questions about life, their ideas & creative inventions & discoveries.

They want to know that someone cares, that someone recognizes them, that someone is interested in hearing about them, appreciates them & respects them.

They, too, want to know what their parents & others are feeling & thinking. This friendship is one of our children's most important needs.

Children want to know why. Why the world is like it is? Why they're expected to do certain tasks? Why thy must not engage in certain activities? Why parents feel & act in the way that they do? When we say to our children, "No, you may not do that because I said so", we are insulting their intelligence.

We're saying that they're stupid, unable & unworthy of any explanation on that matter. "Just do what I tell you. You don't need to know why I don't want you to do that."

We usually resort to such demeaning behavior when we aren't sure of themselves, or haven't clearly examined our motives & feelings, or simply have the need to play power games to boost our own sense of self-affirmation.

It's absolutely essential to explain the factors & thoughts which bring us to our decisions. Then they'll understand what's going on in us & simultaneously feel that at least they're respected enough to deserve an explanation, even if they don't agree w/it.

When we don't discuss w/them, they turn inward & conclude that trying to communicate with us is futile. They begin to lie & hide the truth about their life style. In such a case, the bridge of communication is destroyed & consequently the only tool for resolving family problems is lost.

The same happens when we continually reject whatever they say or do. They stop communicating.

In order for us to be able to express our inner thoughts & feelings to their children, we'll have to know them. That means we'll have to do a certain amount of self-analysis so as to discover our beliefs & programmings. We may, in the process, find that many of our conflicts w/our children are based on our own problems, which we are projecting onto them. Some examples might be:

1. Our own need for approval from society thru our children's success or behavior.

2. Our own need for a position of power over the child.

3. Our own fears & insecurities.

4. Our lack of self-confidence which causes us to lack faith in the child.

5. Our fear of the opinion of others.

6. Our anxieties about other problems in our lives, i.e., work, money worries & problems w/our own parents.

7. Our own tired or disturbed nervous system.

These & many other personal problems may cause us to communicate abruptly, inconsiderately & disrespectfully to our children, thus undermining theirs self-image, self-acceptance, self-love & self-confidence.

We'd do well to learn the basic communication skills of "I messages" & "active listening" which are described in other chapters of this book. In general, more effective communication creates an atmosphere of justice & mutual respect, caring & love.

We all need this.

Techniques for Facing Life

Life is a game. Playing that game is an art & a science. There are techniques for facing life more effectively. Like everything else we teach in schools, we can teach about how to deal w/life itself, w/its disappointments, its failures, its injustices; w/illness, w/pain, w/the loss of loved ones, w/the ever changing events & tests of life.

Life is a school & we can learn much from it, if we know how. Children can be taught how to learn rather than how to memorize often-useless facts. They can learn techniques for creating & maintaining a strong, healthy body, a relaxed nervous system & harmonious endocrine system.

They can be taught how to strengthen their immune system. They can be taught how to calm their minds, how to expand the ability to concentrate, remember & analyze. They can be taught how to get in touch w/their inner creative potential, so important in science, fine arts & business.

How to create loving relationships. How to become useful members of a society.

Are these subjects not more important than all most meaningless facts which children are wasting their minds on memorizing? Do we want to produce sleeping robots or alive, awake, thinking, creative, healthy, happy, useful members of society? We'd better make the decision & adjust our curriculum accordingly.

Beyond very practical techniques for harmonizing the body, emotions & mind, schools & parents should make sure that children have the opportunity to be informed about & discuss, important subjects like relationships, selecting a marriage partner, sex, narcotics, effective communication, love, the nature of man, the purpose of life, what is death, what happens after death, professional guidance, the relationship between the individual & society.

Most individuals in our present society seem to lack preparation or serious thought concerning these subjects which are essential for anyone who wants to have peace of mind or live a meaningful life.

Until such subjects are covered in schools, it's important that parents give their children an opportunity to be informed about & discuss these subjects. If the parents don't feel comfortable about, or informed enough themselves, then they can become so. This will improve greatly the quality of their own lives & they'll have so much more to offer to their children.

Our Children's Needs - Part 8  Robert Elias Najemy

Some Last Thoughts

We can remember how we felt when we were children. We can spend time remembering our various experiences feelings & needs which we had when we were children. But even that isn't enough. The conditions & environment of our childhood years were very different than those, which our children experience today.

Thus we must imagine that we are our children & try to understand how they feel. Then our words & actions will be in harmony w/their needs.

We need to believe in our children & ourselves. If we don't believe in ourselves, we can't believe in our children. Let's have faith that both we & they're capable of facing life w/our inner guidance, clarity & effectiveness.

Let's believe in our spiritual oneness & the power of unconditional love is the solution for every problem. Let's be consistent & respect ourselves & our children.

Let us continue our own education, our own growth, our own self-improvement, our own spiritual evolution. Let's be true to who we are & overcome our egos, our fears & attachments. Let us spend time w/our children & share w/them the beauty of our inner selves.

Let's grow together in humility & simplicity w/our children, discovering together the meaning & beauty of life.

Let's close w/some words from Maria Montessori:

"Without any doubt we have in the past been the unconscious oppressors of this new human seed which bursts forth pure & charged w/energy. And we have superimposed ourselves upon it w/out admitting the needs of its spiritual expansion.

So the child has remained almost completely hidden - or very much overshadowed - by this unconscious egotism of the adult. It would be an affirmation not too well received, I imagine, were I to say that very often the adult becomes an obstacle, rather than a help to the development of the child.

It's a most difficult thing for us to accept that statement that, very often, it's our excessive care for the child which prevents the exercise of his own activities & therefore the expansion of his own personalities."

"Thus it comes to pass that when we, w/the very best intentions & w/the most sincere wish to help, do everything for the child - when we wash him, lift him up & plunk him down on his chair, feed him & put him into that species of cage we call his crib - in giving him all these unnecessary aids we don't really help but hinder him.

"And later on, towards the boy or girl, we repeat the same error, when - still holding to the belief that he can't learn anything w/out our help - we stuff him w/intellectual nourishment, we nail him to the benches of the school so that he can't move, we make every effort to uproot his moral defects, we crush or break his will, secure in our belief that in this way we're acting for his highest good."

"And so we proceed in this manner indefinitely all along the line & we call this education. "

Among the report's findings:

• Toddlers, like older kids, experience grief & personal rejection, yet such emotions are often ignored in child-care programs.

Although children who are deprived of a close relationship with a loving adult suffer, that fact doesn't alter the reality of many 2 income families, where parents often have little quality time to spend with their families.

"The families of young children in this country are crying out for help. They're crying out for support," says Shonkoff.

Meanwhile, even though the Family & Medical Leave Act allows for 3 months of unpaid leave for personal or medical reasons, the report's authors say that some 40% of the workforce doesn't qualify for the benefit.

Other low-income parents simply can't afford to take time off, even on a short-term basis & child care providers are woefully underpaid, notes the report.

The panel says family leave policies should be expanded & parents of the very young should be excused from new work requirements linked to welfare reforms.

Poverty, say the researchers, is particularly damaging to the very young. So programs like Head Start need to be updated to cope with the epidemics of family violence & substance abuse.

"The mental health needs of this country on the more serious end of the spectrum extend way down into infancy, & we have no mental health system for infants & toddlers in this country," says Shonkoff.

Noting a projected budget surplus of nearly $3 trillion, the IOM panel says the dollars are already available in the system to start making the necessary repairs. First on the list is a presidential task force to review our investment in child care & early education.

Ultimately, a 10-year plan based on science should focus on building better relationships between children & those who take care of them. The IOM document says families & communities should solve the problems with government help, not the other way around.

The IOM experts also say the nation's approach to taxes & wage supports should be amended so that no child grows up in an impoverished home.

"We didn't come up with a long list of specific recommendations about child care, but rather called for an urgent grappling with the fact that this is something we must address as a society," says Shonkoff.

The effects of this early trauma only becomes visible as children get older & begin reenacting it thru violence, hyperactivity, defiance & other kinds of disturbing behavior problems.

The first 3 years of life are critical in a number of ways. The 2 most critical developmental tasks of bonding & emotional separation take place in this period, forming the matrix for all subsequent human relationships.

Disturbances in either of these 2 tasks appear later in life first as “misbehavior,” then as difficulties with intimacy &/or autonomy in adolescent & adult relationships that are characteristic of co-dependency & counter-dependency.

During the first 3 years, the brain also goes thru its most rapid development - a phenomenon that'll never be repeated. By age 3, children’s brains are “hardwired” according to the experiences they've had. If these experiences are mostly loving, safe & supportive, the brain is wired to expect positive things.

If these experiences are abusive, hurtful, dangerous & unsupportive, the brain gets wired to expect negative things.

Understanding & meeting children's needs sometimes seems impossible.

Understanding children's needs & taking care of those needs can be very difficult for parents. One reason is that as parents we're more aware of our own needs than of our children's.

For instance, we may get upset when a child gets sick (or has to go to the bathroom) just as we're going to work or to a meeting. It's natural to feel upset at the untimely demand. We may ask, "Why does this child always do this to me?"

But children don't plan their sicknesses to bother us. They are just trying to take care of their needs. And sometimes their needs come into conflict with our needs.

For example, think of a child with colic who seems to cry no matter what you do. A parent may feel angry & helpless. Getting angry at the child for having colic doesn't help. What can the parent do?

First, check with the doctor to find out if the child has a serious problem. If the doctor doesn't ad a medical problem, the parent can simply provide comforting activity such as rocking the child or carrying the child close in a pouch.

After trying everything else, the parent can let the baby cry himself to sleep when he's tired. The parent who gets awakened in the night should be sure to get a nap during the day to catch up on sleep. If you become very angry & fear that you'll hurt the child, you should call a friend, family member, or nurse. For most babies colic ends by 3 months of age.

Another reason that meeting children's needs is difficult is that children are dependent & untrained. Sometimes it's very inconvenient to have to feed, protect, carry, comfort & teach children. Sometimes children do silly things.

Sometimes they break things. If we learn to be patient & teach them rather than get angry, we will be more helpful.

Sara wanted to look at a vase. But the vase was very breakable. Nancy could have told Sara to leave it alone until she was older. Instead, she asked Sara to sit on the couch & she'd bring her the vase.

Sara sat on the couch. Nancy brought her the vase. They talked about it together. When Sara was tired of looking at the vase, Nancy said, "Anytime you want to look at the vase, come & get me. We'll look at it together."

Nancy is a wise mother who knew that a small child might break a vase but that if she were sitting on the sofa with her mother she could probably enjoy the vase safely.

Another reason that meeting children's needs is difficult is that children are so different. They're different at different ages. They're different from each other. And they're different in different circumstances. And they may be different from what we expect.

We may wonder why Susie is so mean these days when she used to be such a nice child. We may wonder why Tommy is so messy when Marcus is so tidy. We may wonder why Sara is so happy at home but so bashful at school. Most of this publication will talk about these differences.

Children are different at different ages.

A new baby is very dependent. We must feed her, clothe her & protect her. But as a child becomes older she becomes more independent. You've probably heard of the "terrible 2's."

About the time a child turns 2 she starts to become more independent. She is more likely to want to do things for herself. This may bother us because she isn't very good at doing things. But it's very important to help her learn to do things by herself.

A wise parent of a child who is learning independence will give the child many opportunities to make decisions. "Would you like me to tuck you into bed or would you like to climb in by yourself?”

"Would you rather have me read you a bed-time story or sing you a song?" "Would you like your peanut butter on bread or on celery?" "Would you like to play with the pans or with clay?"

If a child starts an activity that isn't safe, it usually works better to distract the child than to yell at him or jerk something away from him.

Karl was about to write in a library book. His dad held his hand & asked him, "Would you like to draw? We don't draw in books but I can get you some paper. Or would you like to knish looking at the book?" Dad found a kind way to give Karl a choice.

We should let a child do many things for herself. But we should give her tasks where she's likely to be successful. Maybe she can help set plastic cups on the table for dinner but shouldn't be trusted with glass plates. The wise parent will distract a child from a task where she's likely to have trouble & direct her to a task where she's likely to be successful.

When Jessie wanted to help her mother set the table, Mother was tempted to say,' "You're not old enough. You'll break everything." But instead she said, "Why don't I put on the plates while you place the napkins."

Then Mom showed her how to place the napkin next to the plate. They talked together while they set the table. When they were finished, Mom said, "Look how nice the table looks. Thank you for your help."

When we allow children to try things they want to do (while directing them toward jobs where they're likely to be safe & successful), they develop their skills“ & confidence. Often we expect children to do things that they're not yet able to do.

When Emily was 4 or 5, she asked me to help her draw a circle. Because Emily is smart I was sure she could do it on her own. I told her just to draw the shape of a cookie. She whimpered that she couldn't. It was just a few days later that I read that children usually can't draw a full circle until they're 5 or 6.

It's good to be patient with our children as they learn.

Children often face challenges that they don't know how to handle, We can help them by being patient & when they're ready, by teaching them skills.

Mary came home angry. She told her mother that the children at the bus stop picked on her. She also admitted that she got mad at them & called them names. Mother felt angry at the mean children. But she decided that the best way to help her daughter was to teach her how to deal with the children.

After Mary had talked about her bad experience, Mom said: "It's very painful when people are mean to us. I wonder if we can think of ways to make them into fiends." They talked about different ideas & decided to invite one of the children over to play with Mary on Saturday. Mary could develop a friendship & maybe walk to the bus stop with her new friend.

When parents reason with their children, they can help them think of good solutions. Parents can also teach their children skills to deal with difficult situations. (See also Extension Circular HE-682 in this series, "Being Understanding: A Key To Developing Healthy Children," for ideas on how to help children deal with their feelings.)

There are a few things that all children need. All children need to feel safe & protected. All children need encouragement.

We expected our son to be toilet trained as young as his sister had been. But the more we pressured him the worse he did. We finally relaxed & allowed him to decide when he was ready. It wasn't long before he was ready & he learned very quickly.

Sometimes we think that our children know that we're proud of them. Often they don't. We should tell them often about the things they do that we enjoy. They need to know that we appreciate them & care about them.

Each child is different.

You've probably heard a parent brag that his child began to walk early. Some parents may believe that a child who begins to walk at 8 months is more talented & smarter than a child who begins to walk at 12 months.

The fact is that children are just different. The child who begins walking later may grow up to be a better athlete than the child who starts to walk at a younger age.

No 2 children are the same. It's unwise to rush children in their development or to try to get them to be like some other child. The helpful parent will help children develop as they're ready.

Someone once said that every child wears a banner. On that banner she tells you how much love she needs, how much discipline she needs, how much hugging she needs, how much attention she needs. Unfortunately, children don't have a banner that's easily read. We have to "read" their behavior.

There are a few things to remember about meetings children’s needs:

• All children need certain things: safety, encouragement & love.

• Each child is different from any other. We should pay attention to his or her behavior so that we know how much attention, discipline & guidance each child needs.

• We should be careful not to expect our children to be able to do things that they're not old enough to be able to do.

• As we deal with our children we should make allowances for the challenges they face.

• Responding promptly & helpfully to children helps them develop into healthy adults.

• Being patient with our children shows them that we care.

• Our children need us to teach them how to handle difficult situations.

If you want to learn more...

Faber, Adele & Mazlish, Elaine (1980). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York: Avon.

Ginott, Haim (1956). Between Parent And Child. New York: Avon.

Ginott, Haim (1969). Between Parent And Teen. New York: Avon.

Parenting (magazine). Subscription Dept, Box 52424, Boulder, CO 80321-2424

Spock, Benjamin (1985). Dr. Spock's Baby And Child Care. New York: E. P. Dutton.

This publication was written by H. Wallace Goddard, Extension Family and Child Development Specialist, Department of Family and Child Development, Auburn University.

The methods we'll be covering have in common that they're both limited & flexible in nature. They're limited in that they're designed to address one sort of problem & aren't particularly useful for solving other kinds of problems.

They're flexible in that they can be used to address a wide variety of similar types of problems. For example, one method we'll cover is useful for helping you to know how to manage your time better. This method can be applied to a wide variety of time management problems you might want to work on, but it isn't terribly useful as a method for improving your mood.

Each method is like a tool. You'll want to have a lot of different tools in your toolbox, so that you can have easy access to the specific ones you'll need to help yourself.

Think of each method we'll review as you would a different tool within a toolbox. A toolbox might contain a hammer, pliers, a few screwdrivers & a saw. Each tool is good for only one sort of thing (a hammer for hammering, a saw for sawing, etc.), but the hammer can be used to nail down a variety of nails & objects & the saw can similarly make a variety of types of cuts.

Each tool has its own purpose & sphere, within which it can be flexibly used to meet the needs of a given situation. No one tool is adequate for solving most complex construction projects. It takes all of them (or at least a several of them), used in a coordinated fashion, to get something complicated repaired.

Having access to a well stocked toolbox is an important part of being able to fix a problem. However, tools don't fix problems by themselves; people use tools to fix problems. You have to come to the toolbox with some knowledge about how to fix your problem before you know which tools to select to do the job.

You gain this knowledge in part by reviewing what you know about your problem; by reviewing what your cultural teaches about your problem & what scientifically & clinically supported theories teach about the problem.

This sort of theoretical knowledge isn't enough, however. You also need access to practical knowledge about how to solve your problem. When you don't already know what to do & don't have access to an experienced helper who can show you the way, having access to a "cookbook" filled with recipes for solving the type of problem you're experiencing is the next best thing.

With this in mind, after describing the various tools in the self-help toolbox, we'll shift gears & discuss how particular combinations of these tools can be used to solve various common & complex life problems.

Methods for Meeting Basic Needs

A brief review of Maslow's hierarchy of needs sets the tone for this "basic needs" methods section. According to Maslow (& most other mental health professionals since), peoples' needs are arranged in a hierarchical relationship to one another.

It's impossible to live without the basic physiological necessities of food & water, clothing & shelter. The next level of need involves safety (as in having a safe place to live). It's difficult to think clearly when you're unsafe or living in a continual state of fear (as do many abuse victims & people caught in war zones).

Above this in the hierarchy of needs, Maslow placed the need for love, for belonging (to a family or community) & for esteem (as in 'self-esteem'; feeling good about yourself).

Finally, at the very top of the heap, Maslow placed something he called "self-actualization", which is each person's need to become the very best person they can possibly become.

Higher level human needs (such as belonging to a family or social group, or for expressing yourself) are simply not important to most people when their more basic needs (for food & water, clothing & shelter, for safety) aren't yet met.

Any self-help plan that you create needs to take this hierarchy into account or it will be very likely to fail (or become irrelevant). Only after your basic needs have been attended to will you have extra attention to give to your problems.

Maslow & most psychologists who’ve followed since, fundamentally agree that it’s close to impossible to address higher level needs when lower level needs aren't met.

You don't worry about feeling good about yourself when you're hungry, i.e.. You don't worry too much about belonging to a community of like-minded people when you're cold & need shelter to keep from freezing to death.

This is why human service professionals don’t offer homeless people therapy right away, but instead focus on helping them get adequate housing, food & clothing. You have to consider which of your needs is most pressing & make sure you address that need first, if you're to be successful with & benefit from your self-help efforts.

Methods for Meeting Basic Needs: Shelter, Food & Medical Care

Find Shelter, Food & Medical Care. If you're homeless or otherwise without steady access to adequate food or shelter, the very first thing you need to do is to find adequate shelter & food.

Most cities of any size provide temporary shelter & food kitchen assistance to the needy. You can look these resources up in the telephone book, but it's frequently easier to learn this information by asking a social service professional for referrals.

Social service professionals are employed by some community hospitals & clinics servicing the homeless. Such hospitals & clinics will typically offer pubic health care services (or know where such services can be had).

They're a good destination for homeless people who are mentally ill &/or addicted to drugs or alcohol or just have no other place to turn. In some cases, social workers can arrange for ongoing medical care or addiction treatment & even put people on waiting lists for housing options that are safer & more permanent than what's available in shelters.

Methods for Meeting Basic Needs: Nutrition

You may not be going hungry at night, but are you eating a healthy, well balanced diet? Many adults eat a diet that is convenient rather than healthy; one they purchase in prepared form from various take out places, restaurants & supermarkets.

This diet is typically high in saturated fats (like cheese, butter, mayonnaise & beef), high in refined white flour & sugar products (white bread, candy, ice cream, cake, cookies) & biased towards hefty portions of meat. The portions of these foods consumed at each mean are also large.

There are serious health risks associated with this typical American diet. People who eat like this are setting themselves (& their children) up for dramatically increased risk of obesity, diabetes, heart disease & various cancers.

It's relatively easy to eat a healthier diet & avoid much of this risk. To do so:

• Eat smaller portions. If you eat out at restaurants, ask for a takeout box & put half your meal into it before you begin eating.

• Eat whole grain breads & cereals rather than ones made from white flour. White flour is highly refined & highly refined products are generally not good for you.

• Eat fruit for snacks & dessert rather than candy, cake or cookies. Fruit is unrefined; while candy, cake & cookies are all made with refined white flour & sugar which is bad for your health. Similarly, drink water, iced tea or diet soft drinks instead of sugared soft drinks to avoid consuming extra refined sugar you don't need.

• Buy & eat more fresh vegetables. You should be eating 5 or more servings a day of fresh fruits & vegetables. Brightly colored vegetables like spinach & carrots are both colorful & packed with nutrients.

• Eat organic foods when you can find them. This goes for fruits & vegetables, milk & meat as well. Conventional foods are sprayed with pesticides & injected with hormones & dyes in order to make them yield more, last longer & look prettier. Organic foods are grown without such "aides". When you eat organic foods, you eat less pesticides & hormones & your food tends to taste better.
• Substitute olive oil for butter at your table. Olive oil contains a healthier kind of fat (unsaturated fat) than butter does (butter contains saturated fat which is linked to heart disease). For the same reasons, avoid eating anything that has "partially hydrogenated" oil or "trans-fats" in it. Oils that have been hydrogenated have been made into saturated fats through an industrial process.

Following these & similar tips for eating healthier will give you better energy & help you preserve your health over the course of your life.