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The Joy of
Spirit
By Dr. Margaret Paul
You might try to find your joy with substances such as alcohol or drugs, but I've never met anyone using these substances whose energy was truly joyful.
You might try to find your joy thru getting love from others,
or thru sacrificing yourself & caretaking others, but I've never met anyone who was a taker or caretaker who was truly
joyful.
So, what creates joy?
This article is about creating true joy in your life.
What brings you joy? What really brings you joy, as opposed to what you think brings you joy?
We've all been taught that we'll be happy when we:
- Find our soul mate
- Make money
- Work at something we love
Or, we'll be happy &
fulfilled when we have a house, have a child, do service. Yet I've
worked with people who have & do all of the above & are still not happy &
I know of people who have little or none of the above & are frequently joyful.
Joy, like love & truth, is a gift
of Spirit. Joy, love & truth enter your being when your heart is open. Joy is the feeling of exuberance & oneness
that envelops you once you have opened to feeling your pain, learning from it & moving thru it.
Joy can't enter your heart when you're
protected against your pain. When you protect against your pain, you close your heart to avoid the
pain & joy can't enter a
closed heart. Thus, joy is the result of doing your inner work.
Sometimes this feeling of joy amazes me. I used to think that my joy would come from good things happening outside of myself. I certainly love for good things
to happen, but often I find myself feeling great joy even when nothing's happening!
I feel joy when my inner child feels loved by me, important to me,
cherished by me, seen by me, valued by me. I feel
joy when I attend to my wants and needs, saying "no" to others when I mean no and "yes" to others when I mean yes.
I feel
joy when my child feels safe inside, knowing that I'm taking care of
her, knowing that I’m connecting with
my spiritual Guidance
each moment so that we're not alone.
Joy is your birthright. It's what makes
life worth living. Once you taste it, you'll want more and more of it. Yet too many people stay stuck in their safety zone, thinking that protecting against pain and trying to get love
is what will make them safe and happy.
But do you really feel safe inside? Are your protections really working to create safety
within? If you’re willing to be honest with
yourself and see that your protections aren't working, then maybe you'll open your heart and embrace the pain so that you can feel the joy of Spirit.
True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done,
the zest of
creating things new.
Antoine De Saint-Exupéry
He who binds
himself to a joy
Doth the winged life
destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity's sun rise.
William Blake
Feeling Joyful
Meditation by Orin & DaBen
I allow myself to feel good right now.
I feel my soul all around me,
sending me its
joy.
I open to receive my soul's joy.
Joy is flowing into me.
Joy is streaming into my cells and atoms.
As joy flows
into me I expand.
I feel free.
Joy flows out from me,
touching everyone around me.
My thoughts are positive.
I feel
happy.
I think of my life.
I imagine what would be different
in the next few hours
if
I expressed my soul's joy.
I now do it.
When I encounter someone
who is less joyful,
I draw in the quality of joy,
I
fill myself with joy,
then radiate joy to the other.
I now ask my soul and higher self,
to send me a clear vision
of the next steps of
my path.
I ask for greater clarity
about my higher purpose.
I ask myself each hour,
"What am I doing next that
is part of my higher purpose?"
I create my higher purpose
from moment to moment.
As I do, I feel joy,
for joy comes from living in the
flow
and creating my higher purpose.
I let go of power struggles.
Whenever I encounter power struggles
or people who are
negative,
I connect with my soul
and draw in its joy.
I stay centered in my own energy
and feel my soul's joy
radiating through me.
I expand my potential for joy,
I live in a rhythm of joy.
I radiate joy to others.
I
am becoming more joyful
everyday.
As I wake up tomorrow
I connect with my soul's joy
and let it radiate through
me
and out to others.
I am a source of joy to others.
My joy lifts others and
makes their burdens easier to carry.
I bring light
to everyone around me
through my expression of soul joy.
Secret To Living Joyously
by Barry Long
You’re dissipating your energy out into existence thru
the personality, instead of using it to stay in your reality. The mask is kept on by energy going out. As you deny the projection of
the personality, you conserve energy. When enough energy is retained, the mask collapses. It loses its independent and selfish existence.
I'm
going to show you where you're wasting this energy. Since you’ll then be conscious
of it because you've seen it in your own experience, you'll begin to stop the leakage. You'll have more energy to address
other wasteful mannerisms, attitudes and behavior. Gradually you'll become more conscious, more responsible, more authentic. Your character will reveal itself and your personality will be less in control of your life.
Anger arises because you aren’t getting your own way.
I’m going to mention
several things to do or stop doing. They’ll conserve your energy. To begin with it’ll be a challenge. As you get deeper into the process, you may become confused.
The
personality will always be trying to bamboozle you and make you give up. But keep going: the 6 exercises will always be there to remind
you and guide you. Your own undeniable
experience that it's working will be the
demonstration of the truth. You’ll notice that you’re lighter,
easier, more joyous. A new harmony will
start pervading your whole life, within and without.
Stop talking
about the past
The personality lives off the past and
feeds off you telling your story. Each time you hear yourself indulging in talking about the past, stop. The more you practice,
the easier it gets. You may lose some friends who'll say you're getting dull and
losing your former interesting and stimulating personality. You'll know by this that you're doing well.
There will be times when you have
to refer to the past. However, to break the old habit, initially you must be extreme. The extremity
is to not say anything that refers to the past. This includes what happened a minute ago, unless there's a purely practical
reason for speaking, such as, "Did you post that letter?"
Don't tell your sad, sad story. By stopping talking about the past you’ll eventually stop thinking about the past. And that’ll be the beginning of the end of worry.
Don't talk unless
you've got something to say
The personality is always talking.
Talking consumes enormous energy. So this exercise is focused on learning to talk less. ‘Talking'
refers to talking about something, having a discussion, giving your opinions, speculating, rationalizing & repeating what you've heard. In this exercise, you learn the difference
between talking & speaking.
i.e., everyone talks about what
the politicians should do. You can't talk about what the politicians should do unless you do something yourself towards righting
the situation:
write to the politicians,
phone them or cast your vote. Then you'll be taking action & be able to speak from your own experience.
Otherwise
you're just a talker. Only action, or speaking what you live, is true.
No more complaining & blaming
Complaining about your life & blaming other people & things for your difficulties,
is one of the main leakages of energy. When you hear yourself doing this, stop.
The truth is that
you’re responsible for your life. If you're not responsible, it's not your life & that's absurd.
Similarly, if you blame something else for what happens to you,
you're giving up responsibility by giving it to others. To be responsible is to be responsible for everything that happens to you, unfolding
as your life. Indeed, there are continual difficulties you have to face. They may seem to have been caused by other agencies.
But you have to do your best to sort them out. That's life.
You don't complain when you get a promotion at work, do you?
You don't blame the boss. You feel you deserved it; that you must have earned it. In other words, you accept that you were responsible. So how can you duck out from being
responsible for the not-so-good
things that happen to you? Again, it's the personality being two-faced, not being straight. It presents life as it’s
not & gets away w/it while you continue to blame & complain.
Be true to the situation
Be true to
the situation & not to your personal likes & dislikes. The personality lives off emotional swings, between what you
like & what you don't like. It uses the dynamic of the pendulum to keep itself going. You can't be sure of your likes
& dislikes. They change w/experience & the years. So be true to the situation, to the event or circumstance you're
facing.
What does the situation require? It
may not be what suits you personally.
i.e.,
if you're employed to do a job, be true to
what you're paid for, not to whether you like it or don't like it. If you insist on reacting in dislike, be
true to the situation & resign, because clearly, you won't be
doing a good job.
Complaining about
your life & blaming other people & things for your difficulties, is one of the main leakages of energy.
The personality, remember, actually enjoys conflict. It wants you to go on doing a job & not liking it, because then you can complain
& emotionalize about it to your friends.
This
consumes energy, which should be used for taking action one way or the other. Either you do the job by giving up your attitude, or you quit. That's being true to
the situation. Action always clears deadlocked energy.
Give up your
dishonesty
Give up being dishonest to yourself & your life. Any time you're
angry, resentful or depressed, it means you’re not being honest: you’re not facing life as it is.
Anger arises because you’re not getting
your own way. Instead of being angry, you should be looking at what practical
action you can take to get around the obstruction. If there's no practical action you can take, your desire is impractical at this time. To be honest you must face the fact & give up your
wanting.
Remember, the mask of your personality is dishonesty itself. It hides the fact that
if you have a very exciting experience today, you're likely to undergo
depression in a couple of days. The personality gets
its satisfaction both ways & you pay for it.
Tackle habitual small talk
Remember that the
personality depends on habitual unconsciousness. Stop the conversational
habit of using expressions like:
-
darling
-
honey
-
my love
-
my dear
when addressing your partner, friends
or casual contacts. If anything, use the person's correct name. After you've broken the habit, you'll find the endearing expression occurs naturally & appropriately. But
to begin w/to break the habit & make the situation conscious, don't use such terms.
Don't pat your partner down w/silky words & actions when
you know you're planning to be dishonest, or you've done something they don't like.
Instead,
say,
‘I'm moved to pat you down
because I don't want you to react to what I've done or what I'm about to do.'
Then
tell them straight out what you've done or what you're about to do. Mostly you'll find that
you won't do what you were going to do or you'll just do it & cop the force of their disapproval.
At least you'll be honest & such honesty loosens the mask.
Common
Expressions
Don't say: “What I mean is” & “You know?”
or any similar fill-in phrases.
These
are all unconscious in-words of the western personality, now globally habitual. And don't say, “To be honest” because that implies you're about
to be dishonest, or that you're usually a liar.
Such phrases have no real meaning & are actually the mask talking.
Practice these exercises
in your daily life over the next 12 months or so & you'll slowly separate from the domination
of the personality.
More
Dismantling
Now here's an intelligence test. Please
ask yourself this question:
Do I want to be with, live
with, or love somebody who's always moody, angry, restless, sullen, resentful or depressed?
If the answer is
“no,” then the next question is:
"Why
do I believe that anyone would want to live w/me while I have those emotions?"
As
you dismantle the personality & become more one w/life, you’ll start to feel some disintegration of yourself.
You’ll feel at times you’re “nothing”
& that you're losing your identity. Know that it's your personality you're losing, not your identity. Nothing you are
or have will disappear. All that goes is the attachment, the identification w/the things the personality
calls “me & mine.” And that includes your most intimate & treasured notions
of what life & love are about.
For in the end, I realize that nothing is “mine,” not even my own body. I’m
behind it all, the being behind the mask in the bathroom mirror. I’m the end of the masquerade.
The Joy Within
Life is to be enjoyed,
to be made conscious by enjoying it. For joy is consciousness. When you enjoy
anything you do, you’re conscious.
If
you enjoy dancing, you're conscious while dancing. If you enjoy gardening, you're conscious while gardening.
If you enjoy your work, you're conscious while working. Enjoy every moment of your life & you're living consciously as
well as joyously. It's as simple as that.
Joy or
consciousness is your natural state. It's always there. It's like the sun that's always shining
above the shadow of the earth & clouds. Stop living in your own shadow & the sun, the joy,
immediately shines.
Nothing positive can be done to find joy. It's the practice of negation, shedding the shadow that does it. Living
joyously is the joy
of clarity, no problems. My whole life is then a joy or clarity of being, a being of joy & clarity. This is there now, inside you, just waiting to be lived. You don't have to strive for it, search for it or make it. It's
you. It's yours, your very being.
How we have lost the joy of sex
by Ziauddin Sardar
In a world full of sensual
images, why has sexual misery never been greater? Ziauddin Sardar blames excess ego & too little passion.
Sex has become impossible.
It has turned into a mindless, egoistic, explicit league championship event, a public performance art in which instant gratification must lead to total satisfaction.
But the equation that sex
equals satisfaction just doesn't compute. On the contrary: sex is increasingly synonymous with
misery & unhappiness.
Sex is the pre-eminent spectacle
of our time. Sex is everywhere & impossible to escape. Sexual voyeurism is the fastest growing genre on television. The
late-night output of Channel 4, Channel 5 & satellite channels such as Sky One, Living & Bravo are largely devoted
to programs ranging from the smutty (Greece Uncovered, Prickly Heat) to soft porn (Sex & Shopping, Red Shoe Dairies) & even more explicit stuff.
Elsewhere, extensive discussions
about dysfunctional sexual performance become chat shows, game shows; any kind of show as long as it is on television. The
airwaves are full of graphic pop songs, & talk-ins where people phone in to talk about their sex lives.
The mechanics of sex - sweaty
rutting, attentive pawing & scraping & athletic (not to say ergonomically) challenging engagements -- have become essential elements of almost every Hollywood production.
Newspapers, magazines, advertisements & billboards
constantly flash sex all around us.
This quantity of visible sex
is quite unprecedented in history. We're the first generation to be constantly watching, listening to, thinking about, preparing for, engaging in & recovering from sex.
Yet all this sex, far from
producing joy, leads to more & more angst. The more we flaunt
our sexuality, the more therapists, counselors, pop psychologists, agony aunts & uncles we spawn to minister to our deep
unhappiness & misery. It's rather like The Rime of the Ancient Mariner: "Water, water, everywhere,/Nor any drop to drink".
The evidence of our sexual misery is indeed everywhere.
It's best captured in films
such as Todd Solondz's Happiness & Gather me Breillat's Romance, both released last year, which try to represent the sexual
spirit of our time.
The 3 sisters of Happiness
are doomed to grotesque fates in their perennial quest for sexual fulfilment. One goes on a disastrous date with a man who, after being rejected, kills himself.
The 2nd seeks an encounter
with a habitual maker of abusive calls but finds him too tame.
The 2rd, an apparently happy housewife & mother, discovers that her husband is a paedophile.
The film explores almost every
kind of sex, including necrophilia. Yet nothing satisfies its characters
-- they remain pathetic, lonely individuals doomed to misery.
Like Happiness, the plot of
Romance, one of the most explicit films to go on public release, revolves around a succession of humiliating & degrading encounters. But no matter how far-out the sex, there's no fulfilment to be had.
The world at large reflects
the sexual misery we find in such films. A recent survey by the University of Chicago, published in the Journal of the American Medical
Assoc. & billed as the most comprehensive investigation into adult sex habits since the famous Kinsey report of 1948,
paints a very bleak picture of sexual satisfaction.
1 in 4 American women don't enjoy
sex & 1 in 3 men in all age groups thinks he's sexually inadequate. Some 27% of women in the 18 to 29 age group get no pleasure from sex & consider it a necessary ordeal.
All the rest feel
unhappy & dissatisfied because they think they're not doing it right or not doing it enough or not doing it the way their partners want them to do it.
So, why all this sexual
dissatisfaction, misery & unhappiness in an age of total saturation which has no inhibitions & no limits?
I got my sexual grounding
thru The Perfumed Garden. One day, just after I turned 18, a well-thumbed copy mysteriously appeared in my room. The book
was written in 14th-century Tunis, famed for its learning & splendour.
In sharp contrast to contemporary
Muslim societies, Tunis was an open, sensual society where people believed that a healthy sex life brought a well-balanced personality, good health, happiness, spiritual fulfilment & many other noble virtues.
Not surprisingly, Sheikh Nafzawi,
the author, reflects the candour of his times.
The west tends to see Nafzawi
as a dirty old man. But he was a poet & a philosopher w/a truly wicked sense of humour. He wrote the book with an eye on the market, so there's a strong *accent on technique -- the widely available translation by Richard Burton includes only a fraction of this section.
But for Nafzawi, sex had another
altogether different dimension, which comes out thru the aphorisms, epigrams & sayings of "wise
men & sages" that are scattered liberally throughout the text: "whatever posture you prefer, speak & you shall be
satisfied"; "when you copulate, let
your mind be free of all other thought" & so on.
It's this dimension beyond
the physical act that we have totally lost. Indeed, we've turned the ancient wisdom &
metaphors of people such as Sheikh Nafzawi on their head - that is why sex has become such an unattainable goal.
Nafzawi taught me 3 basic
lessons.
First, sex is a product of
deep passion. Satisfying sex has to be based on something much greater than the base desire of the groin. Good sex can't be had from a cold, clinical relationship - the kind personified by characters
in Happiness & Romance. It requires all the passion in our souls.
In place of passion,
we've obsession, to the extent that many of us are happy to mutilate our bodies in the pursuit of sex. In an age of aerobic exercises, hard, bulging bodies, oversize silicon breasts, bleached hair, nose jobs, the absolute necessity
to look good at all times under the most minute scrutiny & the need to deliver hydraulic-quality performance, is it any wonder that sex is angst?
Passion, in contrast,
requires romance, commitment, pain, inconvenience - all those things that we shun.
Consider the cult teenage
television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. In one episode, our heroine reaches her 17th birthday & celebrates by exercising
her newly acquired legal right to be a fully sentient, rightfully liberated woman.
She does so by having sex
w/her boyfriend, who just happens to be a morally confused vampire. Whatever turns you on. The moral (forgive what seems like a prostitution of the language)
of the tale is clear. Sex is both a right & a necessity.
What struck me so forcefully
was the sheer cold-blooded deliberation, the calm calculation of Buffy, the model teenager for millions. The romance, bizarre in itself, was subordinated to self-possession
& a total lack of passion
No doubt the programme-makers regarded their story line as educational & responsible. But these mores aren't conducive to a fulfilling sexual life.
2nd, sex is about relinquishing power, about giving & giving everything. And the most important thing to give up is your own ego, the barrier between yourself & sexual happiness.
In Nafzawi's terminology,
sublime sex emerges after the total annihilation of the ego. Selflessness gives you self-control & self-control is the key to that elusive, long-lasting orgasm, the recipe for happiness.
But if sex is a power trip, an uncontrolled expression of ego, than you're cooking with the wrong ingredients. It's quite impossible to have satisfying sex with power-mad, self-centered, selfish imbeciles such as those represented in Sex & the
City or Ally McBeal.
The high-powered, thirtysomething single women of Sex & the City treat men as sexual playthings & reap the consequences: when they
do have sex, it's never satisfying. Ditto for men who treat women as
sexual objects.
The characters populating
Ally McBeal are just too obsessed, too self-centered for anything as elevated as satisfying sex - they have to settle for
plumbing jobs.
Sex has become selfishness writ large, a transaction judged by personal, individual benefits. It's about taking everything for yourself, not about sharing
or giving. If you make sex into an end in itself for the purpose of personal gratification, you shouldn't be surprised to end up as a lonely individual.
Third, sex requires sincerity & time. Good sex isn't possible without
tenderness & tenderness
requires sincerity. But sincerity
can't be expressed instantly; it has to be demonstrated.
That means you need bucket loads of time. You're not going to be sincere
to someone you've just picked up in a bar. Sincerity is totally at odds
w/our ironic postmodern society. And in a society where everything is accelerating, time is rather rare.
Sex is thus little more than
an insincere, breathless activity. It's, as promoted by so many chat shows, lads' magazines &
women's glossies, a lifestyle - something you slot in between office, picking up the kids, checking your e-mail & the
shopping trip.
Or it's a leisure activity
- the outcome of a good night out. It's hardly surprising then that it's become so oppressive &
unsatisfying.
Ideas of sex expressed in
eastern classics such as The Perfumed Garden horrified & attracted Europe in equal measure. When Europe expanded its bounds & launched its colonial career, it denounced the east for libertine licentiousness,
fornication & generalized sexual perversions.
And countless Europeans headed
east in search of a liberated sex that they could only dream of in Europe.
But if the east was content with sex, it was because it circumscribed sex w/in a philosophy. Sex, as we're told in Kama Sutra, another classic that everyone has
heard of but no one has actually read let alone understood, begins & ends in the mind.
And an empty mind, a hedonist mind, a mind devoid of imagination & conviction, is incapable of satisfying sex.
Indeed, sex is like Kama Sutra
itself: difficult, intricate & mysterious. The west has made sex easy & explicit. It has therefore drained it of its
nourishing & spiritual content. Sex has become so easy that it's brandished as a metaphor for everything, everywhere in
our postmodern culture.
Sex sells - not just cars
& holidays but even instant coffee, toothpaste & insurance. It's so explicit that nothing's left
to the imagination. The mind, the heart, the soul, has no part to play in its execution: everything is reduced to simple
mechanics.
This is why the debate about
sex education focuses on operation & orientation. Sex education has all the sophistication of a computer user's manual
for proficient performance & proper maintenance.
But we teach a lie. We teach
that sex is easy, an effortless, uncomplicated part of everyday living, an activity divorced from philosophy & outlook
on life.
By leaving out the most important
parts of sex - passion, sincerity, selflessness, time, imagination & mystery - we make sex impossible for our children.
An education based on sex
for sex's sake is no education at all. That's why all the sex education in the world has no impact on teenage pregnancies
or shattered family lives.
It's time we understood that sex isn't an infantile pursuit. The more we pursue sexual happiness for selfish ends, the more it will recede from us. Satisfying sex is an adult endeavour.
Sexual ecstasy requires the
agony of mature sentiments, hard work & integrity. The only way to make satisfying sex possible
is to place it within a philosophy where it's neither the sole purpose nor an end in & of itself.
At the very least, we need to relearn & appreciate that satisfying sex is a shared experience. Anything that's
shared requires mutual give & take.
Mutuality, so abused by new Labour in the economic sphere, is central to sexual happiness.
Mutuality is the idea that
we're much more than a mere individual. It's the idea that our greatest
personal fulfilment will arise from merging our sense of self in a selfless care for the well-being of people other than ourselves, simultaneously giving & receiving.
We do pretty well with sex as a metaphor for self-love. But we've lost entirely the sense of sex as a passport to the love of anything beyond the self. And that used to be the sublime mystery, so fascinatingly outlined in the Kama Sutra, that sex implied & expressed.
Classical Persian & Urdu
poetry is awash with love, with potent sexual inferences & references; yet it's actually religious by its metaphoric intent & its generally understood meaning.
Sex is a metaphor for love & love is a metaphor for spirituality. In ancient, eastern wisdom it's through the mutuality of human relations,
fully functional sexual loving of another, loving & parenting the offspring of a sexual union, that we acquire the experience & the concepts to understand the divine.
Mutuality puts sex in its
place as part of a more profound conception of what it is to be human in a world where life is us & other people, me &
you.
Without some notion of mutuality,
sex is almost impossible. If we think of sex as easy, casual, fast & uncomplicated, we turn it into an albatross, a dead one, hanging around our necks &
leading us into untold misery & personal unhappiness.
But if we return a touch of
mystery to sex, temper our egos w/some modesty & selflessness, if we're willing to devote time, energy & integrity to sex, it can become the true fountain of happiness.
When my children turn 18 &
mysteriously find a copy of The Perfumed Garden, this is the idea they'll grow up to imbibe.
"The Perfumed Garden" and "Kama Sutra" are available from all good (not necessarily dirty) bookshops
Ziauddin Sardar's "Introducing Media Studies" has recently been published by Icon Books, [pounds]8.99
COPYRIGHT 2000 New Statesman, Ltd.
COPYRIGHT 2000 Gale Group
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Look on today as if it were yesterday.
Remember the joy. The
focus..
The good times..
Don't forget the bad that pushed it onward.
Jason Tarkenton
Joy is what we are, not what we must get.
Joy
is the realization that all we want or need in life has been etched into our souls.
Joy helps us see not what
we are "going thru," but what we're "growing to" - a greater sense of understanding, accomplishment & enlightenment.
Joy reveals to us the calm at the end of the storm, the peace that surpasses the momentary happiness of pleasure. If we
keep our minds centered on joy, joy becomes a state of mind.
Iyanla Vanzant
About Joy
Our "Automatic Pilot"
Plants are on "automatic pilot" to grow toward the sun.
Animals are on automatic pilot to grow toward food & procreation.
Everything in
nature is on automatic pilot - constantly seeking what will meet its needs.
Humans Are On
Automatic Pilot Toward Joy.
HOW IT
WORKS
We have feelings about our NEEDS (like for food, air, water, etc.).
When needs are satisfied we feel joy.
We
have feelings about our WANTS (for love & affection, even for things like a new car). When wants
are satisfied we feel joy.
Our
emotions constantly push us toward joy.
When we use our
anger well
we
increase our odds of getting what we want & feeling joy.
When we use our
sadness well
we replace what we've lost & feel joy again.
When we use our
fears well
we protect ourselves & feel joy.
There's even a built in "inducement" toward joy called excitement.
We feel excited whenever we are "on our way" toward what we want!
Excitement mobilizes our energy to keep us on track toward
joy.
Joy Breaks: Fun in Small Doses
Cynthia R. Shuster, M.S., Family & Consumer Sciences Agent, Perry County,
Associate Professor, Ohio State University Extension, The Ohio State University
Want to get off the all-work treadmill?
Stuck in a rut?
Lost your ability to play?
Take a
"Joy Break" from
whatever stress producing activity you're currently engaged in and give
yourself permission to play. What's fun for you? Take a piece of paper and divide it into 4 vertical columns. Mark each column
as follows:
- Joy
Breaks, Less than 5 minutes
- Joy
Breaks, Up to 30 minutes
- Joy
Breaks, Up to 2 day
- Joy
Breaks, 2 day or longer
Now, try
to come up with a list of ideas of fun things that you enjoy doing. When you've depleted your list of ideas, begin placing
your ideas in the appropriate columns on the chart.
If you're
like the majority of individuals who complete this activity, your ideas probably fit into the last two columns, up to 2 day
or 2 day or longer.
This denotes
that you have few ideas about how to have small doses of fun &/or that you feel larger blocks of time are needed to have fun.
Challenge yourself to think "outside the box" and realize that fun comes in various size doses. Next time you're in a rut, look at your list and take
a joy break - you deserve it.
Here are some ideas
for starters.
- Start your day by reading
the comics or funny pages in the newspaper.
- Read your horoscope. If
you don't like what it says, write your own using words that make you feel great.
- Do an anonymous good deed
. . . just because.
- Spoil yourself a little.
Buy something you've always wanted even though you don't need it. Enjoy your new purchase.
- Curl up and read something
of no educational value whatsoever.
- Look up an old friend from
the past; call, write a letter, or make a luncheon date to renew old times.
- Choose an activity that
you enjoy so much that you have a tendency to "get lost" in it and forget about
the clock. It might be gardening, fishing, sewing, golfing, etc. Allow yourself the freedom to enjoy yourself without time constraints.
- Go to an afternoon matinee. Or go to a video store and rent your favorite movies and enjoy a movie marathon.
Don't forget the
popcorn and peanuts.
- Find a time over the weekend
to take off your watch. Eat, rest, play and work in response to your body instead of the clock.
- Take a few minutes each
day to daydream or fantasize.
- Take an evening "stroll"
instead of a "power walk."
Make it a habit to
add "joy breaks" throughout your calendar, 32 then notice the significant improvement in energy, enthusiasm, flexibility, teamwork and productivity you experience. Creative play time
can be worth a lot!
HOW TO GET MORE JOY IN YOUR LIFE
The "Cheaters" Way!
The easiest way to get more joy in your life is to
simply IMAGINE that you've got something you want!
Using your imagination in this way produces an immediate "dose" of joy.
The problem, of course, is that since you know you're only imagining, this dose only lasts
for the very short time you can maintain the fantasy!
Still, it's a great idea to give yourself these small doses regularly
as long as you don't start confusing
these fantasies w/reality.
Being More Aware
Of Regularly Occurring Joys
Every single time we take care of a bodily need we feel a considerable amount of joy.
When we eat a great meal or even when we grab a bite of fast food we feel quite a
bit of joy!
Go on a "campaign" for a few weeks:
Take the TIME to actually FEEL
the recurring joys of every day life.
(Most of us take these moments for granted & rush right past them....)
" ...focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing
it. "
Greg Anderson
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A Workaholic's Worst Nightmare
Rediscovering the Joy of Play
Tuck T. Saul PhD
Once a famous psychologist asked a room full of children,
" Do you know how to play?"
The children all began to laugh & shouted, "YES!" She then asked them
to give examples of how they played. The children couldn't stop giving all the different & unique ways they'd discovered to play.
Then as a part of her opening agenda in doing a seminar on the Consequences
of Workaholics, the topic of play was presented. She asked the participants to start playing spontaneously. Only a few stood up to try.
The rest sat in their chairs, staring anxiously at one another.
Years of education, responsibilities & pressures to perform have turned many of us into people who've forgotten how to play. We become afraid to have a good time, let go & relax.
We instead proudly reflect the virtues of the "work (aholic) ethic", which ties our sense of self & value to productivity & to doing
things perfectly.
We are what we do &
we have to do things right!
Master Workaholics even have developed great talent to make the art of play.....Work!
If you know you carry this infection of workaholism...there's hope. One of the more powerful antidotes is play. To truly play is play. To truly play is to be totally in the moment ...
.....
yesterdays are gone & the future not given a thought. As such, play has been demonstrated to have a positive effect on our economy, environment & social diversity.
"Holy Cow, Batman, I didn't know that!"
PLAY IS GOOD!
If your mind draws a blank when trying to come
up w/a play activity or if you mind begins to give you "rational reasons" not to play, just take yourself anywhere there are
children.
You may need only to take time to observe your child(ren) or go to a park or playground. Remember what
it was like to play as a kid. Close your eyes & try to bring back those experiences to your present time.
Then, as spontaneously as you can, go do something fun. If you initially need help, ask for suggestions from your friends, partner, spouse, or your child.
Whatever they offer, don't analyze; just try it. The feelings that might be generated may surprise (& please)
you. If you find yourself being a hardcore workaholic, consider finding a professional play coach...they are out there just waiting to assist you.
Play & Have Fun.
Constant Joy
Joy gives you the power, motivation & confidence to achieve things that otherwise seem too difficult to attempt. Better than a granola bar - joy
is pure energy.
Do
you remember the thrill of hitting a home run? Getting out on the last day of school? Riding your new bicycle? You jump with joy. Fantastic!
Joy
gives you energy & makes you feel great. You can achieve all kinds of things that otherwise may seem too difficult to
attempt. With joy, you're not afraid to talk to the guy sitting next to you on the plane. No problem! You've got energy, buoyancy. You're alive!
Way #8 is B'simcha - with joy. Some people may have more "natural" joy. But joy can be studied & mastered like any other tool.
When you have joy, you can do anything better, stronger, faster. Your memory is better. Your drive on the golf course is better.
Your sales pitch is better. Everything is better.
You're not reaching your potential
unless you have joy. A pro athlete, no matter how many times he steps up to the plate, still
needs a thrill from the pitch, the swing, the fresh spring air, the cheering crowd. Otherwise his game is flat; he's playing by
rote.
It's the same in life. When
you have joy, you live with a different verve. Joyous
people are energetic & ambitious. There's never enough time to do everything you want to do.
So whether you're studying,
touring, working or relaxing, first get into a state of joy. It'll give you a big boost of power & confidence.
Counterfeit Joy
Remember when your home team
won the World Series? The city erupted in energy & euphoria & thousands took to the streets. But in the end there
was violence & destruction & arrests.
Is this what joy is supposed to produce? Did those people have joy or didn't they? What
went wrong?
It wasn't joy. It was hysterical delusion.
Learn to differentiate between
real joy, which generates the power to accomplish & illusory joy, whose burst of energy fades into a let-down.
Illusory joy is New Year's
Eve & you celebrate all night long. "The world is perfect & I love everyone!" But there's a let-down. More than any other day, New Year's Eve has the highest rate of suicides.
People who win the hundred-million-dollar
lottery jump with joy. What is their anticipation? To travel around the world, to be important. "Now I'm going to do whatever I feel like the rest of my life. I'm free, a master of my fate. No more work, no more worries, no problems, no nothing. A hundred million dollars!"
Will that sensation last?
You know you can have tons of money & be thoroughly miserable. The lottery winner may not know what he wants to achieve with his life. So the joy is an illusion.
After a year, he's back in university, the hundred million dollar university student. Why? "Maybe philosophy will interest
me..."
Joy isn't silly drunkenness,
playing jokes, or making fun of people.
Joy is the deep happiness that comes with fulfilling your potential.
If you know what you want
out of life, then you can go after it even without a hundred million dollars. A shot of joy
& you're ready to go. Do you see how this is power for living?
The Pleasure of Growth
It used to be when they wanted
to show euphoric joy in a movie, a man would be told he had a new son. He'd dance up &
down, delirious with joy, running down the street sticking cigars into horses' mouths.
Today, when the doctor tells
him he has a son, he starts thinking about all the problems - late-night feedings, saving for college tuition, etc. What happened to
the joy?
True joy comes from the pleasure
of growth & self-actualization - when we conquer a difficult challenge, or experience a moment of clarity.
When your team wins the World
Series, or when you win the lottery, the joy is a delusion. Why? Because you didn't change or grow.
Joy can't result from events,
from "good things happening to you."
Joy is solely the result of
your reaction to life, your commitment to turning every moment into a growth experience. A new baby means you have to extend yourself at all hours of the day &
night. That's not easy. But if you focus - even at 3 a.m. - you'll recognize this as real joy.
Do significant
things & you'll have more joy. If you're fighting for a cause, you're making an impact
on the world. You're heavy. You're eternal.
Find your cause, whatever
it is & work at it. In Jewish consciousness, serving God is the ultimate cause.
Internal, External
Judaism has a principle called
Chitzonit mi'orrer pi'nimiut - "the external awakens the internal." This means it's possible to develop an emotional
state by acting as if you're already in that state.
i.e., studies show that smiling
when you're "sad" can improve your mood. There is a direct correlation between activating the physical muscles & your emotional state.
Do things that require joy & you'll become more joyful. i.e.:
- Wear nice clothes.
- Eat delicious food.
- Sing.
- Take a long walk on the beach.
- Think positive thoughts.
- Spend time w/friends.
- Do kindness for others.
- Ponder how great it is to be alive.
- Call your parents & thank them for giving you life.
Once you feel joy, channel it in a productive direction. Don't just sit back & bathe
in the joy. You have the energy to go out & do something fantastic. Help someone in need. Or tackle a job you couldn't face.
The Joy of Potential Pleasure
One way to increase joy is to anticipate the pleasure coming your way. When you anticipate something beautiful, you're more likely to see it as beautiful. And the joy of it'll be
more galvanizing, more exciting, more real.
"Hurrah! We're going to the
circus today. We'll have a grand time!"
You
feel joy just by expressing the anticipation.
The implication is profound.
If you constantly anticipate pleasure, you can constantly be in a state of joy. e.g., today is a new day. What do you
anticipate? Who will you meet today, what will you encounter, what will you achieve? "Today is going to be a great day." Use this anticipation to energize you.
You're going to work today?
Don't focus on the negatives: "I'm tired ... My boss is impatient..." Rather, stick to the positives: "I'll accomplish something productive ... I'll earn money to pay my bills..."
Use this tool for everything.
Are you going to a museum today? What do you expect to gain? Articulate the benefits & pleasures beforehand. It'll give you a constant influx
of joy.
State of Mind
Many people don't experience
joy because they take life for granted.
That is, until they almost
die.
Someone who survives a car
crash never lives the same again. Or someone who had cancer & is dismissed from the hospital with a clean bill of health.
He bounces around telling everyone, "Isn't life wonderful? I'm alive!"
People think he's crazy. No one should be that happy unless he's won a million dollars!
Appreciate what you have. God created us for pleasure. What is the pleasure of being alive? Your hands! Your feet! Your eyes! Your mind!
Learn to feel that pleasure. It'll be with you always, wherever
you are.
Happiness isn't a happening. Happiness is a state of mind. You can have everything in the world & still be miserable. Or you can have relatively little & feel unbounded joy.
Learn the pleasure of just
being, the simple joy of being alive. Then you have a basis to become more & more &
more. Otherwise, it's just a sensation, a dream, an illusion. What will a new car give you? What will a million dollars give
you? It'll give you a way of running away from life, to dream, to be comfortable ... snug as a bug in a rug.
The Natural Condition
Joy is the natural human condition.
Children have it & enjoy life in its simplest form. A carrot, a ball, the moon. But we adults learn to be miserable. The reasons for joy haven't disappeared. It's just that the burden of daily responsibilities distracts us.
Become conscious of the beauty
of every moment. Focus on your underlying natural state of joy,
even amidst the mundane issues of daily life. Because if you don't have the sense that life is good, then underneath it all
you have nothing.
That's why the morning
prayers begin with a series of blessings thanking God for the simple & obvious:
-- Thank you, God, for giving me life.
-- Thank
God I can see.
-- Thank God I can use my hands and feet.
-- Thank God I can think.
If you master the art of noticing,
appreciating & consciously enjoying what you already have, then you'll always be happy.
Beyond this: When we're joyous, then God is joyous (so to
speak) & showers us with blessings. In other words, if we take pleasure in what God has given us, He'll give us
more.
That's why King David
said: "Serve God with joy." He doesn't want any glum-faced people around.
It's our obligation.
Conversely, the Torah says we will be punished "because
you did not serve God with joy." You can do every obligation under the sun - serve your parents & help humanity - but if you don't do it w/joy,
the Almighty is going to hold you accountable. Why? Because He wants us to have the maximum pleasure.
You don't enjoy your hands & your feet? You don't think the world is beautiful? You're serving the wrong God. He will take it away. Watch out!
Take Things in Stride
Beyond this, approach even
your troubles with joy. How is this possible? Focus on
them as opportunities for growth - challenges to help build character.
By definition, life has its
challenges. Are those challenges going to raise your level of joy, or diminish it? If you let little things get to you,
your joy will evaporate. When you find yourself worrying over a problem, ask yourself: Is
it worth all the negative energy? The choice is yours.
The Orchot Tzaddikim (15th century) says: "Joy dwells in a person's heart when he
doesn't focus on troubles." If you can focus away from
the troubles, the natural condition is joy.
There's a difference between
concern & worry. "Worry" means your problems consume you, even when you can't do anything to solve them. "Concern" means you pay attention to problems & look for solutions - but don't become depressed by them.
Don't suffer from nagging
parents, whining children, an insufferable boss, lousy employees & unreasonable professors. Even in sad or painful times, accept them as reality. Don't give up until you find something positive to focus on. Count your blessings. So what if your children are crying?! It's a good sign - they're alive & kicking!
When you have joy, you're a problem solver, not a problem sufferer. Imagine you own a business & a customer comes in
to complain. If you're miserable, he'll walk out miserable, too. And the next day he'll be picketing in front of your door!
What if God forbid, someone
has a tragedy? The Kaddish prayer, recited after the death of a close relative, isn't a prayer for the dead, but rather an affirmation that life is gorgeous, beautiful, fantastic.
You're not supposed to jump
into the grave after the dead. Romeo & Juliet isn't the Jewish way. The greatest tribute we can pay the departed is to
affirm the meaning & joy of life itself. That's the purpose of death -- to get us to appreciate the meaning of life.
Even if you can't solve your
problems, don't walk around contaminating everyone else. "I'm miserable today. Who can I spread this germ of misery to?" At the very least, don't make others miserable, too.
The Joy of Wisdom
Wisdom is a great source of
joy. With wisdom, we understand the world around us & our role in it.
Judaism says that the essence
of all joy is Torah. Why? Because Torah teaches us the meaning of life. It teaches us how
to connect with the Almighty, how to live according to God's will.
That's why on Tisha B'Av,
the Jewish national day of mourning, you're not allowed to learn Torah. Because Torah is joy.
The great kabbalist, the AriZal (16th century Israel) said that "joy
opens the doors to great heights of wisdom." The more wisdom you gain, the happier your life will be.
There's a natural joy in acquiring wisdom even if you don't apply it. It is meaningful. You've broadened your existence.
Beyond this, whenever you
learn a piece of wisdom, figure out how it can enhance your life in a practical way. If you pick up a stone & see that it's a diamond,
you'll be dancing down the street straight to the jeweler's. But if you pick up a diamond & start playing marbles with
it, it's going to end up in the trash heap.
The Sages use a stronger metaphor.
They say that learning Torah & forgetting it's like burying your own children. You've lost a piece of reality, a connection to eternity.
So whatever wisdom you learn, review it, memorize it & keep it in front of you. Use it to achieve your loftiest goals. And when you need to, turn it on in the face of adversity.
Make A "Joy List"
As a practical exercise, take
10 minutes & write out a list of all the times you danced with joy. An outstanding athletic
achievement? Meeting a long-lost friend? Being discharged form the hospital after a serious illness? The birth of your first
child?
Now study your list &
identify the common denominator of what triggers Joy. By isolating the "cause," you'll have a secret weapon to snap out of a negative mood.
Examine your list to see which
reflects true joy & which reflects illusion & hysteria.
Find a way to expand your
joy list. Ask others to describe their greatest joys.
Why is "Constant Joy" An Ingredient in wisdom?
- Joy gives you power & energy.
- With Joy, you'll knock the
ball right out of the park.
- It's natural to feel Joy;
it's human to overlook it.
- Don't suffer your problems. Solve them.
- Why wait until you're almost dead to appreciate how good life is?
- Do the will of God & you're connected to eternity.
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