



Random Acts of Kindness
Random acts of kindness aren't
just for strangers.
An out of the blue, unexpected act of kindness for your spouse can work wonders!
Kindness
Be kind to
one another. This means you are concerned about the well-being of your spouse in a selfless way.
Kindness reminds us again
& again of the beauty in the world & w/in humanity. We're so moved when we hear stories of kindness:
- like the child who organized a blanket collection
for the homeless at his school one winter, collecting over 100 blankets for 100 people
- the young children who wanted to help New
York after the September 11th tragedy & made red, white & blue pins to sell w/their mother, walked around their neighborhood
& collected over $600 for The Red Cross.
It's unfortunate that you hear more stories of hate & violence than you do of kindness. It's not that there are fewer to report. For
some reason people just seem to be more interested in writing & reading about the ills of society than all of its miracles.
It's kindness,
however, that softens the heart, lightens the load & brings us closer to one another. It renews the spirit & transforms us the very moment we receive or perform an act of
kindness.
When you're fully present, you can express kindness throughout your day no matter how busy it is:
- with a smile
- an acknowledgment
- a compromise
- a kiss or a hug
- a gentle touch to someone's arm
- a compliment
- a thank you
- a gift
- a helping hand to someone in need

You never run out of kindness. When you're kind to yourself & others,
your own capacity to love can only grow.
Wherever there is a
human being there's an opportunity for kindness.
Seneca
Harold Kushner so beautifully
says in his book Living a Life That Matters that the reassurance that his life has mattered & wasn't lived in vain comes from how he lived his life & what he
gave to others.
"I
find it in the work I have done, the acts of kindness I have performed, the love I have given & the love I have received, the people who will smile when they remember me & the children & grandchildren through whom my name
& memory will be perpetuated."
After years of talking with
people who were dying, he tells us that people aren't afraid of dying; they're afraid they haven't lived. Were they as loving & kind as they could've been? How will their family remember them?
A simple
act of kindness is within the spirit of all of us. No matter how you've lived your life there's kindness within you, because you are born kind
& loving. It's your natural state & the more you awaken to it, the more in harmony
you're with yourself & others & the more peaceful life is.

We asked MJ Ryan, compiling editor of the best selling book Random Acts of Kindness & author of books on Gratitude (Attitudes of Gratitude) & Generosity (The Giving Heart), what's the connection between each of these qualities?
She describes Gratitude as the 'in-breath.' As you live life present to all you have, you're able to fill up & be aware of a deep sense of abundance. Just because you receive something doesn't mean you will necessarily feel abundance.
It only occurs when you're
consciously present to all that you have. That's why simply starting your day with conscious thoughts of gratitude fills you up, creating a natural high.
It's from this sense of abundance,
this fullness, that you're able to express your generosity with acts of kindness. That's the 'out-breath,' & it's so automatic
it just pours out of you.
This feeling of abundance overflows & touches each & every person you come in contact with. But the key is this:
You must feel it first. You must be loving, forgiving, kind & compassionate toward yourself, or you'll not sense abundance. You will feel depletion & be operating out
of obligation, not true kindness.

To leave
the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you lived-that
is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Kindness is a Peaceful Way as it expands your own capacity to love with each & every act of kindness shown. Imagine, if you will,
every unkind word you've said in your life as well as all those others have said.
Now imagine a world where
the unkind words have been replaced with kind words & kind
acts. What would the world be like?
Our vision of such a world
would include relationships based on mutual love & respect; all children being nurtured & encouraged to reach their full potential; ready access to bountiful harvests & life-saving medical treatment for all people; profound
respect for the needs of all cultures & the wishes they've had for their lives, families & communities; all of us living in harmonious cooperation.
Why? Because when we're all
steeped in loving kindness, we'll have it no other way.



The Practice of Loving-Kindness &
Compassion
Loving-Kindness
& Compassion play such an important role in the Buddhist approach to spirituality that we can say that a genuine practice of the Dharma is actually based on the development of these qualities.
The teachings
always emphasize that, unless we practice & integrate these qualities into our everyday lives, it will be utterly impossible
to attain enlightenment & liberation.
Moreover, without
such an integration of loving-kindness & compassion, not only are we failing to benefit others, we're actually harming them, whether directly or indirectly. In the same way that water can never be used
to make things dry & fire can't be used to make them wet, aggression & harmfulness can never cause enlightenment.
Loving-kindness & compassion are also the cause of accumulating the merit to be born in the higher realms, including this human realm. If we hadn't practiced
these qualities in the past, we wouldn't have been born as human beings & there would be no chance to be born into any
of the higher states of experience.
Therefore, loving-kindness & compassion are karmically very significant & we should make them the core of whatever Dharma practices we do.

These positive qualities should be like the life force within us, like the mind in a living being. A body without a mind, or a life force,
wouldn't be able to perform actions like a real human being. Instead, it would be only an empty reflection or effigy. In the
same way, spiritual practice without the core practice of loving-kindness & compassion could only be a parody of genuine spirituality.
Unenlightened beings suffer
continuously from the neuroses of attachment, aggression & ignorance. These emotional upheavals develop because of a lack of compassion, kindness & open concern for the well-being of others. Lacking such positive attitudes & feelings, we continually indulge ourselves, developing these three mental poisons further & thus bring added suffering & confusion to ourselves & others alike.
Conversely, a person who has
fully integrated loving-kindness & compassion has transcended the 3 poisons. For such a kind, gentle & compassionate person, the upheaval of aggression has ceased. Gentleness & compassion can't coexist w/aggression & hatred toward others.
Therefore, in treading on
the Buddhist path toward the experience of enlightenment, the essential basis of development for both beginners & advanced practitioners is the practice of loving-kindness & compassion.

Without the basic ground of
the qualities of loving-kindness & compassion, the Vajrayana wouldn't exist. It simply wouldn't make any sense without a genuine practice & ongoing experience of loving-kindness & compassion towards all beings. In addition, the bodhisattva vow couldn't be taken without a sincere commitment to generate such an attitude.
The enlightened bodhisattva attitude embodies the complete letting go of oneself for the benefit & enlightenment of all sentient beings, without exception. Without this attitude, therefore, there wouldn't be much use in taking the vow. It would be meaningless - just another label, a label that is as
laughable as a blind man claiming to have good vision. Such a person would be ridiculed, or else pitied for his stupidity.
Therefore, the bodhisattva
vow is to be taken with a sincere concern for the benefit of all sentient beings. Having taken the vow & developed loving-kindness
& compassion, the 3 mental poisons are transcended because there's no room for aggression & hatred when the mind is filled with these qualities.
With the realization of the
importance of these two supreme qualities & the desire to benefit all beings, great clarity & understanding develop. That clarity & understanding is itself the transcendence of ignorance, attachment & passion - all of which arise because of the insatiable thirst for selfish attainment & success. Whoever has given priority to benefiting all beings is able gradually to let go of such negative patterns.

For all these reasons, a sincere & proper understanding of loving-kindness & compassion is very important. Having that understanding & an appreciation of the need to integrate these qualities into daily practice, you'll experience frequent moments of leisure & calmness when you can take advantage, as a beginner, of the opportunity to practice loving-kindness
& compassion.
In this way, the gradual integration
of these qualities comes about, so that in times of frustration, fear & aggression, you are able to transform the situation.
On the other hand, if we do
not realize the practice of loving-kindness & compassion, then when the need arises - for example, when the experience of fear or aggression suddenly occurs - it'll be very difficult to achieve a state of gentleness & compassion because of the intensity of our habitual mental patterns.
Trying to experience a state
of gentleness in those circumstances might even increase the frustration & confusion, due to the intensity of the upheaval.
Through the noble practice
of loving-kindness & compassion, we can develop a very open relationship toward all beings. Such a relationship is one of respect, based on the idea that no matter what disparities may exist between different categories of beings, such as human beings,
animals, or whatever, they all have equal capacities.
Thus the practitioner tries
to develop equal concern for them all. The mere sight of any living being - whether tiny or huge, whether our own kind or a different species - will
arouse the feeling of gentleness & kindness. This is a very powerful feeling; in fact, it's the gateway to the experience of the perfect state of enlightenment.
Having developed such kindness, gentleness & openness of mind toward all beings, it's possible to genuinely feel the needs of others. A very true & honest concern for beings develops. Then, if at times a certain being projects aggression or hatred, the gentleness & kindness we have developed will help us feel & express an even stronger sense
of compassion & gentleness.
This is due to the understanding that in the past we have been caught up in the experience of samsara precisely because of the lack of such qualities of gentleness & loving-kindness.
In addition, developing further
aggression & ignorance in the present is only going to cause further suffering & entrapment in cyclic existence. If we can't have a loving, kind & compassionate attitude toward all beings, if we can't experience tenderness & gentleness toward all beings, there is no purpose in life.
Further, there's no purpose
in being connected with the Dharma.

The very purpose of the Dharma
is to develop & integrate the practice of loving kindness & compassion. In doing so, we not only benefit ourselves, but others at the same time. Practicing & integrating these qualities brings
about the possibility of the enlightening situation of openness & an experience of ongoing happiness within this lifetime; thus, there is a tremendous need to develop these qualities.
People experience depression,
confusion & frustration because they make all kinds of categorizations. When we are with certain beings who have greater
success than we do, a feeling of inferiority can arise. Evaluating things from this mundane point of view can give rise to
a sense of jealousy, accompanied by a desire to inflict harm. Envy can grow in our minds, causing all kinds of frustration & confusion.
Another situation can arise
when everyone in a particular society belongs to the same class & is on an equal level: this can give rise to feelings
of competition, of wanting to dominate others or to be better than others. Such wishes usually result in failure & once
again we are overcome by anger, frustration, depression & hatred & all kinds of neurotic projections take place.

Then there are other times
when we are with people & feel they are completely incapable, or at least that they are less capable than we are. In comparing
ourselves with these beings, we feel they do not have this or that ability; we feel they are somehow lacking. This gives rise
to feelings of superiority & then there is the sense of wanting to neglect or overlook such people.
If we have integrated loving-kindness & compassion, no matter what type of beings we are with & must adjust to, a sense of joyfulness & happiness will be present. There will be openness & communication & a sense of well-being toward other people. Other people
can feel this & relate to us accordingly.
In the same way, if we are
in a situation where everyone is basically equal, a feeling of support for each other will grow, along with the wish that
these people will become more successful, more comfortable & happier in their life situations & relationships. Thus we create a situation of openness & communication & we are able
to concern ourselves with benefiting others who are less capable by helping, supporting & encouraging them.
With that kind of relationship,
everyone feels respected & trusted & can rejoice in each others' progress. There is an experience of openness, happiness & gentleness in all kinds of relationships, such as within families, between husband & wife or parents & children,
& among relatives & friends. All kinds of relationships will have these positive possibilities.

In contrast, the most destructive
thing in our lives, the perpetual experience of great suffering, is brought about by our own egocentric clinging to selfish
& insatiable pursuits. As long as this situation exists in our lives, it's inseparable from aggression. Clinging to ourselves & devoting all efforts to ourselves continually gives rise to aggression & perpetuates samsara's endless suffering.
The transcendence of this
suffering is possible only through the antidote of loving-kindness & compassion. Without these qualities, all kinds of destructive situations & suffering come about, because we have tremendous expectations.
For example, we have expectations
that we should be respected, arising from the selfish feeling that we are somehow the greatest person & therefore, should
be looked up to. We also have expectations that we should not be harmed in any way.
We also have very unrealistic
attitudes about others living up to our expectations. When these are not met, trouble develops between husband & wife,
among relatives & between friends. Each of us believes that our wishes, our needs & our notions of what is good must be respected by everyone else.
Even though we may talk a
lot about loving-kindness, inside we are still going through the same difficulties &
experiencing the same suffering. If we really have a sincere experience of loving kindness
& compassion toward others, we no longer need to say things like, "I have to work on my anger," "I have to work on my aggression," or "I have to work on my egotism.
The feeling of loving-kindness itself liberates our egocentric notions & the other neurotic patterns that arise.

It should be very clear that
the experience of relative & ultimate happiness within this lifetime, as well as in future lifetimes, is dependent upon our practice & integration of loving-kindness & compassion now. A total dedication to the benefit of others is essential.
This precious human birth
isn't obtained by chance, nor will it be obtained by chance in the future. Right now we are in the fortunate situation of
being able to live happily in this life & to accumulate the seeds of future happiness. Now is the time when loving-kindness & compassion can be developed, progressively leading to more & more benefit to more & more beings.
Such a possibility depends
on our practice right now, within this particular lifetime. If we have no practice of loving-kindness
& compassion, then even if we had the opportunity to teach a gathering of people, we might feel tremendous aggression toward that group.
Such feelings of opposition
or unfriendliness would lead to the desire to control others, to have power over them, which is the cause of harm & destruction.
We can clearly see around us these days how such attitudes bring tremendous harm to us & to others & bring about many hopeless situations.
Only the sincere development
of loving-kindness & compassion can prevent or transform such situations. It enables others to live respectable & dignified lives, bringing them, as
well as us, both relative & ultimate happiness.
In thinking about these qualities, we also need to take into consideration the factor of karmic conditioning. When we are at the edge of a cliff, it is possible to be very
careful & avoid falling off. But if we haven't developed the ability to be careful & mindful, when we fall off the edge it is useless to start wishing for wings.
In the same fashion, what
we will experience in the future definitely depends on how we live our lives. If we practice loving-kindness
& compassion sincerely & fully for the benefit of others, then in the future not even a very powerful being can prevent
us from experiencing further happiness & well-being.
Even if we have the notion
that we really don't want to experience such happiness, it would still come about. On the other hand, if all we have done is accumulate the causes of further suffering, then at
the moment when we are on the verge of experiencing such suffering & confusion, there is no chance to be wise, no chance to think twice about our past behavior.
It's truly pathetic to see
beings who sincerely want to experience happiness & well-being acting at the same time in ways that will bring them every imaginable kind of suffering, pain & destruction
(both physical & mental), not only in this lifetime but in lifetimes to come. This is
the epitome of confusion & bewilderment.
It's heartbreaking to see
beings who desire happiness & well-being, who even desire the experience of liberation & enlightenment, doing the very things that totally prevent the possibility of such an experience. Such people are totally
bewildered & confused. This is not to say that they're so ignorant they wouldn't know how to eat, that they would use a hat for their feet or put their shoes on their head, but karmically
it's a similar situation.
As practitioners of the Dharma,
we can't ignore the state of confusion & bewilderment beings are going through. It's so obvious that we can't ignore it. We also can't afford to continue committing such actions of confusion & bewilderment ourselves, because the nature of the situation is so clearly obvious. It's not a myth or a legend, not
a situation taking place only in far away countries like Vietnam or Cambodia. It's occurring right here & now.
Everyone, in one way or another
& to a greater or lesser degree, wants to experience happiness & well-being. Instead, there is considerable bewilderment
& confusion as a result of neurotic patterns. For example, we may try to obtain happiness & well-being by depriving others of their wealth, their power, their freedom, even their lives. Thus, in our confusion, we bring immense suffering both to ourselves & to others, yet everyone involved still hopes to experience happiness
& well-being. What an unfortunate situation beings are in!
For those in such a state
of total confusion, the chance of achieving ultimate enlightenment or ultimate happiness is very slim. Therefore, as practitioners of the Dharma, we must realize the preciousness of our practice.
We need to see what really causes the confusion of beings: doing the very opposite of what they should do.
We should recognize that, since we ourselves aren't going thru such intense confusion & bewilderment, we have the opportunity to develop enlightened abilities & to relieve the confusion & bewilderment of others. There's no reason whatever not to seize this opportunity & practice with greater &
greater exertion.
With this commitment, the most important aspect of the practice consists of seeing the limitations beings suffer from & sincerely wishing to benefit all beings by removing these limitations & relieving their suffering.
This practice involves helping
beings attain complete liberation from confusion & suffering, not only from the ongoing experience of confusion & suffering, but even from the very roots of such experiences. We develop the aspiration time & time again to uproot
the confusion & suffering of all beings with a sincere, honest & genuine concern.
Repeatedly, we train ourselves
to be continually mindful so we will not cause harm or confusion to others, to be continually mindful of the need for a compassionate attitude toward all beings, not only when we are making a specific effort to do so, but at all times.
If we do the necessary practices
to develop compassion & loving-kindness on a daily basis, then we will surely be able to carry these qualities
out of the practice situation & into our daily lives & to maintain a continual attitude of openness toward the limitations of various beings.
However, if we aren't engaged
in such regular practices, a surface understanding of these teachings will not help at all. This is because even a slight negative reaction from someone would bring about a negative response from us, since we have not developed compassion & loving-kindness as an integral part of our being.
With this in mind, it's important to maintain the attitude of loving-kindness & compassion, as well as the desire to benefit all beings, in whatever practice we may be doing - the visualization of deities, the recitation
of mantra, prostrations, or any other form of practice.
Even if it is only one prostration
or one mantra, you can dedicate it totally for the benefit of all beings; you can give yourself totally toward that end. Eventually,
such an attitude & aspiration will begin to come about effortlessly & spontaneously. As a result, loving-kindness,
gentleness & compassion will be present all the time, like an undercurrent to whatever practice you do.
When that situation occurs
& that experience becomes part of practice, the practice is fruitful: it becomes a worthy practice according to the path
of the enlightened ones. On the other hand, you may do all sorts of different practices, but if there is no flavor of compassion or loving-kindness in them, they will not be beneficial either to you or to others.
The great Indian mahapandita
Chandrakirti said that all scholars, according to tradition, first do their prostrations to a particular deity before they
write about the teachings. In his case, however, he made his supplication to loving-kindness
& compassion.
He explained it in this way:
the Buddhas & bodhisattvas are the fruition, but without compassion, which is the cause, there can not be Buddhas or bodhisattvas. Thus, he did his prostrations to loving-kindness
& compassion, because the possibility of attaining Buddhahood depends on the integration of these qualities; the practice of compassion gives birth to Buddhas & bodhisattvas.
At first, formal practice
is very important. We might be able to actively practice loving-kindness & compassion for the liberation of all beings, but due to our limitations it will be very difficult to actually fulfill the needs of all beings. Therefore, we first need to work on self-development. When doing practice, we must first have the attitude that we are going to do it to benefit all sentient beings. Then we must actually do it for the benefit of beings.
Finally, we must dedicate
the merit of the practice for the benefit of all beings. These are three very important steps which must take place in order to prevent practice from becoming a selfish pursuit intended only for our own liberation.
With this kind of attitude in practice, individual development will take place, including developing skill in benefiting beings as well as completely
ceasing to harm beings. At this point, there may be times when we do cause harm to others, but if our sincere concern is to benefit others & it's simply because of our limitations & ignorance that we have caused harm, the harm has not been intentional. This is, in fact, quite an encouraging step, in spite of whatever limitations we still may have.
Training ourselves individually
is very important, because in doing so, we begin to develop some of the qualities that are important for working with others. These qualities include appreciation, which is a source of great joy in working with others & patience, so that even if you have to do the same thing over & over until it works, you will not get tired of it. These important qualities can be developed through the practice & whatever other activities we may do.
Patience, in particular, can be developed through the practice of loving-kindness & compassion.
As well as benefiting others, patience is also a key to our own sanity & the gradual attainment of enlightenment. The emotional upheaval of the 3 poisons takes place because of the lack of patience, which can occur in many different ways.
For example, suppose you have
done favors or brought about good things for others, but without a positive attitude. As a result, certain negative emotional & neurotic patterns arise, such as feeling that you are not being shown the gratitude you deserve & becoming very impatient &
frustrated.
Aggression is such a destructive force! If a person's mind is filled with aggression, many other unhappy & confusing situations may also occur. Sometimes, it gets to the point that they cannot even avoid falling asleep in
an angry state. In that case, they wake up feeling worn out. The sleep hasn't been restful at all, having slept in a very
unhealthy mental state in which the dreams may have been intensely negative, even nightmarish.
The antidote for aggression, whether while dreaming or while awake, is gentle loving-kindness & compassion. People
sometimes have the feeling that by going to a solitary place where the environment is quiet, they will experience peace &
happiness. But if your mind is in a state of aggression, no matter where your body is - no matter how secluded or solitary the place - turmoil will always be present.
For example, some animals
are always by themselves, alone in the quiet of nature, yet they have a burning sense of aggression because they fear they will be killed & eaten or they think they are going to catch something themselves. Being in solitude isn't going to help them experience calmness & gentleness.
We must have the understanding that the most important thing to do is the practice; that we need to work toward the integration of what we hear & understand & sincerely put both into practice.
Of particular importance is the practice of Sending & Receiving: With the out breath, we send out all goodness & happiness, every possible goodness that we embody, toward all beings, so that everyone may experience goodness & happiness. With the incoming breath, we take in the negativities of all beings, all confusion, suffering & neurotic patterns.
Doing the Sending & Receiving
practice in this way, both formally & informally, is very important. After doing the practice of loving-kindness & compassion in this way for a while, the practitioner then tries to experience the true nature of the mind with nothing to let go of,
nothing to receive - just the awareness of the mind, beyond any reference point.
While doing formal meditation
practice, training our minds with loving-kindness & compassion, we may be able to generate this attitude toward all sentient beings equally. However, in the daily course of our lives, when encountering different situations - which
are sometimes more like confrontations - we may not be able to maintain the attitude of loving-kindness & compassion directed equally toward all beings.
At such times, mindfulness
of the practice of patience & the application of certain techniques will help us to continue generating this attitude. The next part of our discussion is concerned with how to continue to generate loving-kindness
& compassion, even under adverse circumstances.
Generally, it is quite easy
to generate loving-kindness, compassion & tenderness when we are in a situation of well-being, when everything is running very smoothly. The difficulty arises
when someone is causing us harm. For example, if one of our friends is being abused or harmed for any reason, whether because
of their class, their profession, or whatever else, we feel a sense of irresistible anger or hatred toward the perpetrators.
That is the time when we should have patience. That is the time when we can & must truly practice compassion. The antidote at this time is to have patience, to be able to generate patience & gentleness.
We project our neuroses in
many ways. Sometimes we feel that we are in a position to defeat our opponents. In our pride or anger, we want to pay them
back, "an eye for an eye," with a strong sense of revenge. Then, when we find ourselves incapable of defeating or causing
harm to the other people or beings, we keep this hatred in our minds. We hold onto this hatred, thinking that at some future
time we are definitely going to pay them back by causing harm to them.
As practitioners on the path
of sanity, trying to incorporate sanity into our lives, the key to all these situations is patience. We can use patience,
as well as tremendous compassion, for beings when they are caught up in situations in which they have such negative attitudes toward others. These beings always experience negative feelings about everything they do, be it concepts or actions or situations. It is an unfortunate situation for them. Therefore, having
patience & at the same time generating compassion, is the right practice.
Because of the way we have
been brought up, because of the way society works, there is a strong feeling that if somebody is angry at us it is legitimate
to pay them back with anger & aggression. That is in the pattern of society. As a result, you feel that it's impossible not to get angry when someone gets angry at
you.
The situation can be seen
more clearly & simply, though, in a way that is more helpful to you & to others. For one thing, it is certain that
this person, who is experiencing so much aggression & hatred, has not taken this position out of a sense of joy. Instead, he finds himself helpless in this situation, experiencing a great deal of confusion, sadness, discomfort &
disturbance. He might even beat someone, such as his friends or his children. He might pound on things or throw things around.
He truly desires happiness, well-being & comfort & he knows very well that this is not the way to achieve those ends.
These actions do not represent his true being, but suddenly this upheaval of neurosis has taken hold of him. His real being
would not do this: he would know that it is not good or healthy to do this. Even if he does not know it might bring all kinds
of suffering & discomfort in the future, he certainly knows it does not pay in the present situation, but he still gets
caught up in such emotions. When you are able to see this & to see from a state of openness, you should definitely be
more able to extend kindness & compassion toward that person.
Second, if people are projecting
their hatred & neurosis toward you, you can be certain this is a karmic situation you must experience. This is a result
of what has been accumulating - the harm & confusion you have caused other beings, or perhaps this particular being, in
the past. Due to this conditioning, these are experiences you must have. The people or beings are not angry & aggressive indiscriminately toward all beings; instead, this anger is being projected toward you in particular. There has to be something
about you that creates or stimulates this reaction. There has to be something negative about you, so your attitude should be that this is a situation you have to go through because of your karmic accumulations.
Having created such projections in the past, you now have to go through the samsaric patterns resulting from them & now
that you have become the object of these negativities, further samsaric suffering could be inflicted upon other people in the future if you do not act appropriately.
Therefore, a tremendous sense
of sympathy toward yourself, as well as others, is in order. You have sympathy for yourself because you are truly caught up
in a situation of confusion & limitations. You must acknowledge that this is so & that therefore you are responsible for what is coming to you, so you go through
it with a sense of patience. Understanding that in the past you have caused harm toward other beings, you see that the result
is that you are again on the way to causing more harm & more confusion to others. This cycle must stop; it must not be
carried on any further.
Third, the past negative accumulations you have collected are born in a body full of defects, full of weaknesses & limitations. Your body is subject to all kinds of vulnerability that you may view as harmful & as threats of harm. In reality, no
one is actually threatening you. However, you may feel you are the subject of threats or suffering because of the limitations of your body. If you were not subject to the pain of your body, there would be nothing to cause such pain. By analogy, if
you hold a piece of rotten meat in your hand, all sorts of worms & maggots will be attracted to it. The more you try to
get rid of the worms, the more attracted they are. You may get very frustrated because you cannot get rid of the piece of
rotten meat. But if you were able to throw away this meat, you would not have to go through the frustration. This is because
no one is forcing you to hold onto the rotten meat.
Similarly, nobody is projecting
aggression onto you. It is simply that your previous actions have put you in your present position where you are subject to this aggression. Had you obtained a better birth, had you not been so caught up in samsaric patterns, you would not have become the object
of these limitations & suffering. It is you who is to be blamed, not for the sake of blaming, but because this is the rational explanation
for your situation. When somebody says something to you, if you do not have the limitation of feeling pain, then you will not go through the projections & sense of defensiveness associated with that experience.
Therefore, whatever problems result from your circumstances, you must go through the sufferings involved. Other beings are
not to be blamed. Similarly, when other beings go through such projections & all the pain associated with them, you must
have patience & extend kindness toward them & toward all beings. Another way to
look at the situation is that one of the most efficient & powerful ways of attaining enlightenment is by practicing patience.
If nobody is bothering you, there is no occasion to practice patience. Therefore, in Buddhist philosophy & teaching, it
is said that even your enemies are to be seen as your most helpful friends. You should be most grateful to them because they
have given you the best opportunity to practice patience. This is simply the instruction for the highest forms of practice,
given in a clear & naked way so you may have a simple, direct relationship to them.

Shakyamuni Buddha attained
the perfect state of enlightenment in a very short period of time. Having reached the state of complete enlightenment, his activity - which brought about all-pervasive benefit for beings - was also the practice of patience.
Life after life, time after
time, with beings such as Devadatta trying to evoke anger, impatience & all other kinds of neurosis in him - & this was very challenging, even for him - he had the commitment to go beyond such reactions.
Thus, it's definitely true
that our enemies are in fact our best friends. We should be grateful to them all the time because our "real friends" aren't able to create that kind of situation for us.
Therefore patience, compassion & love are the keys toward our attainment of enlightenment. When these situations are provided by our enemies, or by
the beings that we find difficult to work with, we can see these beings as bodhisattva emanations coming to us to give the
highest instructions. In a sense, this is the heart of the instruction, because it is definitely going to cause enlightenment.
Since we are to work for the benefit & enlightenment of all beings, how better to repay our debt to beings than with gratitude,
compassion & loving-kindness? This is all the more so because of the benefit these beings are
causing: they are giving you the opportunity, not only to attain enlightenment, but also to benefit all beings. If you are
afflicted by disease & a prominent physician comes, bringing the most modern & effective medical treatments, it would
be incredibly foolish to try to get rid of him or to try to kill him. On the contrary, you should extend the warmest of welcomes
toward him.
If you train your mind with
this understanding, you will find you have reason to be compassionate & you can become truly gentle & kind. On the other hand, if you just think,
"If I am faced with such situations, I will try to practice compassion at that time," it might be very difficult to actually do so. Now that you have seen how sane & important such training is, the healthiest approach is to become familiar with the methods involved & to train yourself with them
again & again.

Another way of looking at
it is that the particular being who is causing you harm or projecting hatred toward you may have been your parent in a former lifetime. Perhaps that being has been of great benefit to you in the past
& will be in the future as well, but right now, in this lifetime, he or she is caught up in an insane situation.
Maybe you are in a better
position than that person to see the situation openly & therefore, to benefit the person out of a sense of gratitude. You owe that person something from the past & you might also owe him or her something again in the future. You now have
the opportunity to do something to repay that debt or, at the very least, not to cause any further stimulation of negative feelings.
The being who is bothering
you actually can be viewed as your child, or as a friend whom you always loved & shared kindness with & who suddenly became completely insane as a result of some
sort of intoxication or drug or sickness.
In this insanity, this person
started pouring all of his negativities onto you. When there was a normal exchange of love, kindness & tenderness between you, the negativities were not there. But now, because the situation isn't something the person wanted to create, you would naturally feel a greater
sense of love for them, because you know them so well & you're sympathetic.
He or she doesn't really mean
to be rude, but is unfortunately caught up in this position. Your feeling for this person would therefore be very real & very sincere. There is no difference between that kind of feeling, which you would extend toward your friend or your child & the kind of feeling you might be able to develop for anyone who causes you harm or difficulty.

On a more advanced level,
this situation can be seen as being, in essence, dreamlike. In reality, no one is causing anyone harm. There is actually no
harm to be caused. It's like a reflection in the mirror. Therefore, it isn't going to cause any harm & there's no true
intention of causing harm. This situation, which appears to involve the causing of harm & having to be subjected to it, is in its
true nature unoriginated; it's unborn within the nature of the situation.
On this more ultimate level,
it can be seen that everything exists only in passing. Things that appear only do so moment by moment & nothing is truly
fixed, or substantial, or creating a real obstacle.
It's important to practice patience thru the understanding of impermanence, along with the fact that there's a definite upheaval of our own neuroses. For example, you may have the
experience of wanting to cause harm to, or even kill, certain beings.
At such times, perhaps you
can realize how stupid it is to get into that neurotic state of mind. Why go thru all the effort of such emotions when it's already definite that beings are going to die anyway, whether or not you make the extra effort of wanting to kill
them.
It's ridiculous & very
stupid to see yourself as living a long life & another person as about to die; it's a very confused projection. In fact, you're going thru all kinds of suffering & the other person is going thru all kinds of confusion.
Why put your effort into creating
even more harm when beings already are going thru constant harm, suffering & confusion?
Instead, when the upheaval
of discursive thoughts arises in your mind (such as wanting to harm beings), a different series of thoughts will be more beneficial.
First, realize that this being
is going thru all kinds of suffering & confusion.
Second, understand that whatever anger or aggression this being has projected will cause him or her to go thru further sufferings. How could you add to that? To strengthen your
attitude that no more harm should be inflicted, you should work on developing the attitude of patience, together with the realization that this being is helping you to practice. Therefore, you should feel grateful to this person & try to help them.

The most essential & primary
point in the mahayana approach is that, by entering the Buddha's path, we have made a courageous commitment by promising to work for the benefit of all beings & to reduce the harm we cause to them. Not only have we made the commitment to benefit all sentient beings, but we have even promised that we will get to the point where we will cause no more harm
to beings at all.
We must be inwardly sincere in this, honestly trusting in our ability & believing it's possible to go thru such development. We must be honest with ourselves in believing that we're going to do something, in understanding that this commitment is sane & healthy & that we're going to live up to it. Therefore, we take on the commitment with a vow.
With that commitment, we have to maintain a certain standard of dignity. We have to live up to it for the sake of so many friends who have done the same thing, or who are now trying to do so.
Having taken these vows &
promised to live up to the goal of a sane, wholesome & dignified life & to benefit all, we must try to support our friends & never disgrace them in any way. If we reject even one person or one being, it would be a disgrace - a great defeat to our friends as well as to ourselves.
This is because we have taken
it upon ourselves to work on behalf of all sentient beings. We have committed ourselves by saying that we're going to work for their benefit, so we must continually remind ourselves of the sincere commitment we have taken upon ourselves - of the kindness that this commitment requires & of how sincerely we must respect it.

Therefore, when someone seems
to be your enemy, maybe you should have this attitude: having taken on this commitment to benefit all beings, this particular person should be the foremost of your disciples, the foremost of the beings you should
help. It's as if you have an assemblage of disciples & the weaker ones must be given more attention. In the same way,
sentient beings are going thru all kinds of situations, but this particular being must be attended to first.
Even if we can't keep all
of these different points in our minds at once, at least we can be mindful of just one of them. We can remind ourselves to be mindful, not just in a formal context, but by declaring it throughout
our daily lives. It's possible to have patience & it's possible not to pay back harmful things to others.
It's worth repeating that if you don't actively maintain this mindfulness, it's just empty words to say, "If someone does something to me, then I'll have compassion at that time."
In that case, it will be very
difficult, so it's most important to have patience toward all other beings & to accept that all beings are your friends. Your enemies can indeed be your friends
& the practice of patience is a very compassionate practice whether directed toward others or toward yourself.
Thus, in practicing the Dharma,
there's a tremendous need to develop kindness & compassion thru the practice of patience. It isn't always pleasant or easy to do this, so the practice of patience itself requires patience!
Sometimes it can be terribly
disappointing because it's so different from what we are used to. It doesn't fit with the demands made upon us by the society we live in,
nor does it fit with the concepts & attitudes of the people around us.
For example, having to sit
for hours just listening to someone (such as when receiving teachings) isn't necessarily very entertaining. Therefore,
we need to develop patience & compassion toward ourselves in this situation.
Meditation practice isn't
always blissful, yet we need to do it, so we need to be compassionate & patient toward ourselves while practicing. If you're trying to work with various situations & people from the point of view of
the practice, people will not always understand what you're doing & often you'll not be able to communicate it clearly to them, which can also be quite difficult &
disappointing.
There can be the feeling of loneliness as well, of being very much on your own in the practice. In all these situations, patience is very important. It isn't very easy to be compassionate & patient toward yourself, as you would be toward a person who is having major surgery - someone who is very sick & going thru
all kinds of pain.
Yet you might be able to happily & willingly go thru a surgical operation despite the pain, because you know where it's going to lead. Knowing why you're
going thru this extra pain, when you had already experienced a great deal of pain, you would be patient enough to go thru with it, no matter which part of your body had to be opened up.

In the teachings, it is said
that we have to be warriors, victorious warriors. We must declare that we are victorious warriors - & we definitely are,
we must be. Someone who has killed thousands of people may claim to be very brave & victorious, but to what avail? Still this person claims to be a brave & victorious warrior. Samsara is vast &
filled with beings caught up in confusion & selfish pursuits & yet this is not discouraging for a real practitioner. He or she is able to say that even if every situation they face is a barrier in their path, nonetheless,
they will continue to work for the benefit of beings. Such a stance is not stupid; it is a very courageous & warrior-like position in which we can be victorious, both inwardly & in relation to others. Therefore, the practice
of patience is essential.
Doing the practice of the
Dharma is a virtuous action & through it, virtuous attitudes are being practiced. If you have the goal of being born into a noble family in your future life, surrounded by wealth &
luxury & by many beautiful forms, it's possible that this aim might be fulfilled because of the effect of the practice.
But one moment of aggression could completely throw you off balance & destroy whatever accumulation you have made. From this point of view, it's also very important to practice compassion & patience. Practicing patience means practicing compassion & loving-kindness toward all beings. If you're practicing compassion & loving kindness toward beings, there's no need for you to aspire to be born in a noble or influential family.
You'll simply be born into
that situation & as a result, you'll be able to benefit beings. It's like the continuation of a greater & greater
project. This is the situation with an incarnate bodhisattva who is born into a beautiful home in a beautiful setting: it
doesn't happen out of attachment. An incarnate bodhisattva who wants to be born into a particular situation or a particular family is just born there. It's
like the shade of a huge tree, which is just naturally there. There is no need to put any extra work into creating the shade.
Whatever viewpoint you take
on the practice of loving-kindness & compassion, the practice of patience is most important. There isn't any doubt about it. The future buddha, Maitreya Buddha, will be born in a unique form. He will be tall &
handsome, uniquely beautiful, with everyone looking up to him & asking, "Why?, How?" The truth of the matter is that he'll be born in such a human form out of kindness. Because of the
unique way he will appear, he'll be able to benefit many human beings & his appearance will indeed be due to his love & kindness.
During this particular time
in which we have been born, with the situations we experience right now in the world, there is an immense need for the practice of compassion & loving-kindness. A great deal of destruction & confusion is taking place everywhere in the name of living beings, which indicates a lack of sanity, of patience & of kindness & compassion. It also reminds us every moment that as practitioners of the Dharma we have to be very sincere. Every day we get reminders from so many different things: from daily news stories & from the criticism, blasphemy, emotional
turmoil, paranoia & frustration going on around us.
As an analogy, it's said that
people who are blind will never be able to appreciate the beauty of form - of the distinction between different things. This is really a pity. We empathize with them & generate compassion toward them because they're in such an unfortunate situation. Similarly, people who are blind to the right view are also
in an unfortunate situation & deserve our compassion.
They cause more harm to themselves
than to other people, because they don't understand the nature of their wrong view or the way in which their words & attitudes are misinformed & their actions misguided. Unfortunately, such beings often think the solution is another wrong view, another confrontation, or more violence. They might insist that you're being cowardly
if you say that fighting back is no solution.
Such things happen in politics
& many other worldly situations all the time. As practitioners of the Dharma & followers of the Buddha's path, developing
the attitude that we have been talking about toward our practice & ourselves - toward each other & toward all sentient beings
- is most important at all times.
To conclude this teaching,
it's appropriate to take the attitude of dedicating the merit of this discussion on loving-kindness & compassion & on the Sending & Receiving practice. In addition, all meritorious accumulations everyone has made from beginningless
time, we dedicate to all beings, particularly for the benefit of those beings who are caught up in war & hatred. May these beings awaken from such a situation of insanity. May the benefit of our dedication extend to all beings in the six realms, that they may experience total liberation.
Taken from a transcript of a teaching given by Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche at Karma Triyana Dharmachakra. The transcript is available in
its entirety from Namse Bangdzo Bookstore. Copyright ©1998, Karma Triyana Dharmachakra. All rights
reserved.



Kindness Builds Strong Marriages
What do you think is the most important ingredient in a good marriage? Many people would probably say that communication is most important. If communication is defined as talking about problems in the marriage then that idea is surely mistaken. Today many scholars
would say that the most important element in a successful marriage is kindness!
Kindness includes
looking for the good in all the ordinary dealings with a partner. Rather than thinking about problems & annoyances, we can dwell on the good times & good qualities. In the gallery of our minds we can choose to hang memories of unhappiness & gloom or we can hang pictures of peaceful, caring times. Choosing to remember & cherish the good makes a big difference in the quality of the relationship.
Kindness includes
actively building positive experiences into the relationship. People with strong relationships have learned that it is important to continue building the relationship over the years. John Gottman's research on marriage shows that healthy marriages have
5 positives for each negative. Think about it! Something kind is said or done 5 times as often as something negative or corrective. Emphasizing the positive builds strong relationships.
Some people believe that it's important to tell your partner everything that you feel but kindness means that some things simply
don't need to be said. Daniel Wile, a marriage counselor, has observed that there are some differences, even annoying differences, in
all relationships - even the very best. Some differences & disappointments can be quietly accepted as part of a relationship.
We can also appreciate & acknowledge kindness from our partner. When we notice & express gratitude for the kindnesses shown us, it strengthens the relationship - & makes additional kindness likely to happen.
Kindness also involves
helping each other out. For example, in some relationships one partner finds decision-making to be easier than the other.
When the less decisive person is wrestling with a decision & asks for help, the partner who is more decisive may be tempted
to be angry & impatient. (When we are mad we tend to forget our own areas of weakness!) If we're wise we will patiently help examine the factors & help our partner make a decision.
It's easier to
be kind if we're feeling good & if we manage conflict well. There are additional units in this series about those topics.
No one is kind all the time; but when we work to bring more kindness to
our relationship it can make a big difference - in the relationship & in our own peace of mind.
Applications:
Look for the good
Be on the lookout
for small acts of kindness & service by your partner. Notice them. Maybe even write
them down.
What things has
your partner done for you lately that you appreciate?
How does your partner
prefer to be appreciated? Your partner may prefer a comment, a little note, or a phone call during the day. Design & deliver an expression of
gratitude for your partner's good deeds.
Actively build positive experiences into your relationship
What are some of
the activities & traditions that you & your partner enjoy together? Sitting & talking for a few minutes every
day? Taking walks? Watching a favorite program together? A certain hobby? Discuss together the things that build your relationship
& make them a regular part of your life together.
Some things simply don't need to be said
Each of us has
limitations & weaknesses. It isn't helpful to think about our partner's weaknesses a lot or to talk about them. Most of us are motivated by being loved & supported. When you have unkind thoughts about your partner, have a good memory ready to replace it. What are some of your best memories together? How can you have
them ready to replace judgment & nagging?
When you're tempted
to say unkind things, you might make a practice of saying instead, "Right now I'm frustrated. I want to wait until I'm feeling better to make any requests & suggestions."
Appreciate & acknowledge kindness.
Think of some ways that your partner has tried to show you kindness. Thank him or her.
Help out your partner.
What are some things
that are especially difficult for your partner? How can you help in those areas?
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it's in the news...
recent articles on the web concerning kindness
Study Finds Genetic Basis For Human Kindness: Jan. 12, 2005 — Do humans have a "goodness gene?"
Is there something inside us that genetically pushes us to reach out to the people who were devastated by the tsunami that
struck southern Asia? Or do we do it because we have seen others suffer, and our culture has taught us the meaning of social responsibility?
Brainstorming Activity
Making a Collage
The best portion of a good man's life
is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness & of love.
William Wordsworth
My religion
is very simple - my religion is kindness.
Three things in human life are important.
The first is to be kind.
The second is to be kind.
And the third is to be kind.
Henry James
Kindness
Kind in mind Body feelin’ fine Being kind leaves our mind peaceful our body relaxed but feeling energized
By acting kindly, we remain energized & free of tension; avoiding self-induced stress in both our mind & body. A smile uses less energy & fewer muscles, than does a frown!
Benefits
of being kind:
1.
Our mind stays tension-free;
2.
Our body stays relaxed, but energized;
3.
With reduced stress, our mental & bodily health stays at its optimum as long as possible;
4.
Our body stays energized longer because the mental attitude of kindness opens our mind & bodily pathways to perceiving the flow of our internal joyful energy;
5.
By our being kind, we infect others with the energy of kindness;
6.
Our self-esteem improves because kindness with others allows us to look more
kindly at ourselves, too.
Kind in mind Body feelin’
fine Fine & fully alive
Kindness
Why the spiritual
practice of kindness may be for you:
Few of us would describe ourselves
as unkind, cruel, or nasty, yet we would have to admit that we often miss the mark on this spiritual practice.
Just remember the many times
you've been hurt by someone not doing something - the call that didn't come when you were feeling low, the thank you note that never appeared, the missed appointment - & then consider how often you've neglected to act in similar circumstances.
Kindness is very susceptible
to the sin of omission.
Still, acknowledging that we've missed another's kindness can make us want to be kind
more consistently ourselves. This is one of those situations when a negative experience has a positive outcome.
Of course, sometimes we're
simply too self-absorbed to notice that we aren't being kind. Selfishness quickly undermines manners. And generosity is difficult for both the miser & the glutton.
The Basic Practice Kindness is the 1st of the 3 great treasures advocated by Lao Tzu. The Buddha taught that generosity is a primary quality of an awakened mind. Muhammad regarded
kindness as an essential sign of faith. Jewish & Christian ethics are built upon deeds of kindness, as are the daily interactions
of people of primal traditions.
The spiritual practice of kindness
encompasses a range of small acts & habits that we know as old-fashioned good manners - saying "please" & "thank you,"
waiting your turn, lending a helping hand, or cheering someone up with a smile. It applies not just to your relationships with other people. Etiquette in the spiritual life extends to things, animals, plants & the Earth.
This practice also means being generous with your presence, your time & your money. Give freely without expecting anything in return. Just do it. Kindness isn't a quid pro quo endeavor.
(just click the above underlined link to visit aish.com & read the article!)
THE SUTRA ABOUT THE DEEP KINDNESS
OF PARENTS & THE DIFFICULTY OF REPAYING IT (Filial Piety Sutra)
Translated by: Upasika Terri Nicholson
Reviewed by: Bhikshuni Heng Tao
Edited by: Bhikshuni Heng Ch'ih and
Upasika
Susuan Rounds
Certified
by: Venerable Abbot Hua andBhikshuni Heng Tao
Thus I have heard,
at one time, the Buddha dwelt at Shravasti, in the Jeta Grove, in the Garden of the Benefactor of Orphans & the Solitary,
together with a gathering of great Bhikshus, twelve hundred fifty in all & with all of the Bodhisattvas, thirty-eight
thousand in all.
At that time, the
World Honored One led the great assembly on a walk toward the south. Suddenly they came upon a pile of bones beside the road.
The World Honored One turned to face them, placed his five limbs on the ground & bowed respectfully.
Ananda put his
palms together & asked the World Honored One, 'The Tathagatha is the Great Teacher of the Triple Realm & the compassionate father of beings of the four kinds of births. He has the respect & reverence of the entire assembly. What is the reason that he now bows to a pile of dried bones?"
The Buddha told Ananda,
"Although all of you are my foremost disciples & have been members of the Sangha for a long time, you still haven't achieved
far-reaching understanding. This pile of bones could have belonged to my ancestors from former lives. They could have been my parents in many past lives.
That is the reason I now bow to them." The Buddha continued speaking to Ananda. "These bones we are looking at can be divided
into two groups. One group is composed of the bones of men, which are heavy & white in color. The other group is composed
of the bones of women, which are light & black in color."
Ananda said to the Buddha,
"World Honored One, when men are alive in the world they adorn their bodies with robes, belts, shoes, hats & other fine
attire, so that they clearly assume a male appearance. When women are alive, they put on cosmetics, perfumes, powders &
elegant fragrances to adorn their bodies, so that they clearly assume a female appearance. Yet, once men & women die,
all that is left are their bones. How does one tell them apart? Please teach us how you are able to distinguish them."
The Buddha answered Ananda,
"If when men are in the world, they enter temples, listen to explanations of Sutras & Vinaya texts, make obeisance to the Triple Jewel & recite the Buddha's names, then when
they die their bones will be heavy & white in color. Most women in the world have little wisdom & are saturated with emotion.
They give birth
to & raise children, feeling that this is their duty. Each child relies on its mother's milk for life & nourishment & that milk is a transformation
of the mother's blood. Each child drinks one thousand two hundred gallons of its mother's milk. Because of this drain on the
mother's body whereby the child takes milk for its nourishment, the mother becomes worn & haggard & so her bones turn
black in color & are light in weight."
When Ananda heard these
words, he felt a pain in his heart as if he had been stabbed & wept silently. He said to the World Honored One,
"How can one repay one's mother's kindness & virtue?"
The Buddha told Ananda,
"Listen well & I will explain it for you in detail. The fetus grows in its mother's womb for ten lunar months. What bitterness
she goes through while it dwells there! In the first month of pregnancy, the life of the fetus is as precarious as a dewdrop
on grass: how likely that it will not last from morning to evening but will evaporate by mid-day!
"During the second
lunar month, the embryo congeals like curds. In the third month it is like coagulated blood. During the fourth month of pregnancy
the fetus begins to assume a slightly human form. During the fifth month in the womb, the child's five limbs-two legs, two
arms, and a head--start to take shape. In the sixth lunar month of pregnancy, the child begins to develop the essences of
the six sense faculties: the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body & mind. During the seventh month, the three hundred sixty
bones & joints are formed & the eighty-four thousand hair pores are also complete. In the eight lunar month of the
pregnancy the intellect & the nine apertures are formed. By the ninth month the fetus has learned to assimilate the different
nutrients of the foods it eats.
For example, it
can assimilate the essence of peaches, pears, certain plant roots & the five kinds of grains.
"Inside the mother's
body, the solid internal organs, used for storing, hang downward, while the hollow internal organs, used for processing, spiral
upward. These can be likened to three mountains which arise from the face of the earth. We can call these mountains Mount
Sumeru, Karma Mountain & Blood Mountain. These analogous mountains come together & form a single range in a pattern
of upward peaks & downward valleys. So, too, the coagulation of the mother's blood from her internal organs forms a single
substance, which becomes the child's food.
During the tenth
month of pregnancy, the body of the fetus is completed & ready to be born. If the child is extremely filial, it will emerge
with palms joined together in respect & the birth will be peaceful & auspicious. The mother will remain uninjured by the birth & will not suffer pain. However, if the child is extremely
rebellious in nature, to the extent that it is capable of commiting the five rebellious acts, then it will injure its mother's womb, rip apart its mother's heart & liver, or
get entangled in its mother's bones. The birth will feel like the slices of a thousand knives or like ten thousand sharp swords
stabbing her heart. Those are the agonies involved in the birth of a defiant & rebellious child.
To explain more clearly,
there are ten types of kindness bestowed by the mother on the child:
The first is the
kindness of providing protection & care while the child is in the womb.
The second is the
kindness of bearing suffering during the birth.
The third is the
kindness of forgetting all the pain once the child has been born.
The fourth is the
kindness of eating the bitter herself & saving the sweet for the child.
The fifth is the
kindness of moving the child to a dry place & lying in the wet herself.
The sixth is the kindness of suckling the child at her breast & nourishing & bringing up the child.
The seventh is
the kindness of washing away the unclean.
The eighth is the kindness of always thinking of the child when it has travelled far.
The ninth is the
kindness of deep care & devotion.
The tenth is the
kindness of ultimate pity & sympathy.
1. The Kindness of Providing Protection & Care
While the Child Is In the Womb
The causes and conditions from accumulated
kalpas grows heavy, Until in this life the child ends up in its mother's womb. As the months
pass, the five vital organs develop; Within seven weeks the six sense organs
start to grow. The mother's body becomes as heavy as a mountain; The stillness and movements
of the fetus are like a kalpic wind disaster. The mother's fine clothes no longer
hang properly, And so her mirror gathers dust.
2. The Kindness of Bearing Suffering During Birth
The pregnancy lasts for ten lunar months And
culminates in difficult labor at the approach of the birth. Meanwhile, each morning the mother
is seriously ill And during every day is drowsy and sluggish. Her fear and agitation are difficult
to describe; Grieving and tears fill her breast. She painfully tells her family That she
is only afraid that death will overtake her.
3. The Kindness of Forgetting All the Pain Once the
Child Has Been Born
On the day the compassionate mothers bears
the child, Her five organs all open wide, Leaving her totally exhausted in body and mind. The
blood flows as from a slaughtered lamb; Yet, upon hearing that the child is
healthy, She is overcome with redoubling joy, But after the joy, the grief returns, And the agony wrenches her
very insides,
4. The Kindness of Eating the Bitter Herself and
Saving the Sweet for the Child
The kindness of both parents is profound
and deep, Their care and devotion never cease. Never resting, the mother saves the sweet for
the child, And without complaint she swallows the bitter herself. Her love is weighty and her
emotion difficult to bear; Her kindness is deep and so is her compassion.
Only wanting the child to get its fill, The compassionate mother doesn't speak of her own hunger.
5. The Kindness of MOving the child to a Dry Place
& Lying in the Wet Herself
The mother is willing to be wet So that the child
can be dry. With her two breasts she satisfies its hunger and thirst; Covering it with her
sleeve, she protects it from the wind and cold. In kindness, her head rarely rests
on the pillow, And yet she does this happily, So long as the child is comfortable, The kind mother seeks no solace
for herself.
6. The Kindness of Suckling the Child at Her Breast
& Nourishing & Bringing Up The Child
The kind mother is like the great earth. The
stern father is like the encompassing heaven One covers from above' the other supports
from below. The kindness of parents is such that They know no hatred or anger toward their
offspring, And are not displeased, even if the child is born crippled. After the mother carries
the child in her womb and gives birth to it, The parents care for and protect it
together until the end of their days.
7. Kindness of Washing Away the Unclean
Originally she had a pretty face and a
beautiful body, Her spirit was strong and vibrant. Her eyebrows were like fresh green willows,
And her complexion would have put a red rose to shame. But her kindness is so deep she will
forego a beautiful face. Although washing away the filth injures her constituion,
The kind mother acts solely for the sake of her sons and daughters And willingly allows her
beauty to fade.
8. The Kindness of Always Thinking of the Child When
It Has Travelled Far
The death of loved ones is difficult
to endure. But separation is also painful. When the child travels afar, The mother worries in her village. From
morning until night, her heart is with her child, And a thousand tears fall from her eyes. Like
the monkey weeping silently in love for her child, Bit-by-bit her heart is broken.
9. The Kindness of Deep Care & Devotion
How heavy is the parents' kindness and
emotional concern! Their kindness is deep and difficult to repay. Willingly they undergo suffering
on their child's behalf. If the child toils, the parents are uncomfortable.
If they hear that he has travelled afar, They worry that at night he will have to lie in the
cold. Even a moment's pain suffered by their sons or daughters Will cause the parents sustained
distress.
10. The Kindness of Ultimate Pity & Sympathy
The
kindness of parents is profound and important. Their tender concern never ceases. From the
moment they awake each day, their thoughts are with their children. Whether the children are near
or far away, the parents think of them often. Even if a mother lives for a hundred
years, She will constantly worry about her eighty-year-old child! Do you wish to know when
such kindness and love ends? It doesn't even begin to dissipate until her
life is over.
The Buddha told Ananda,
"When I contemplate living beings, I see that although they are born as human beings, nonetheless, they are stupid & dull
in their thoughts & actions. They don't consider their parents' great kindness & virtue. They're
disrespectful & turn their backs on kindness & what is right. They lack humaneness
& are neither filial nor compliant.
For ten months
while the mother is with child, she feels discomfort each time she rises, as if she were lifting a heavy burden. Like a chronic
invalid, she is unable to keep her food & drink down. When the ten months have passed & the time comes for the birth,
she undergoes all kinds of pain & suffering so that the child can be born.
She is afraid of her own mortality, like a pig or lamb waiting to be slaughtered. Then the blood flows all over the ground. These
are the sufferings she undergoes.
Once the child is born,
she saves what is sweet for him & swallows what is bitter herself. She carries the child & nourishes it, washing away
its filth. There is no toil or difficulty that she doesn't willingly undertake for the sake of her child. She endures both
cold & heat & never even mentions what she has gone through. She gives the dry place to her child & sleeps in
the dump herself. For three years she nourishes the baby with milk, which is transformed from the blood of her own body.
Parents continually instruct
& guide their children in the ways of propriety & morality as the youngsters mature into adults. They arrange
marriages for them & provide them with property & wealth or deviseways to get it for them. They take this responsibility
& trouble upon themselves with tremendous zeal & toil, never speaking about their care &
kindness.
When a son or daughter
becomes ill, parents are worried & afraid to the point that they may even grow ill themselves. They remain by the
child's side providing constant care & only when the child gets well are the parents happy once again. In this way, they
care for & raise their children with the sustained hope that their off-spring will soon grow to be mature adults.
How sad that all too often the children are unfilial in return! In speaking with relatives whom they should honor, the children
display no compliance. When they ought to be polite, they have no manners. They glare at those whom they should venerate &
insult their uncles & aunts. They scold their siblings & destroy any family feeling that might have existed among
them. Children like that have no respect or sense of propriety.
Children may be well taught,
but if they are unfilial, they will not heed the instructions or obey the rules. Rarely will they rely upon the guidance of
their parents. They are contrary & rebellious when interacting with their brothers. They come & go from home without
ever reporting to their parents. Their speech & actions are very arrogant & they act on impulse without consulting
others. Such children ignore the admonishments & punishments set down by their parents & pay no regard to their uncles'
warnings. Yet, at the same time, they are immature & always need to be looked after & protected by their elders.
As such children grow
up, they become more & more obstinate &uncontrollable. They're entirely ungrateful & totally contrary.
They are defiant & hateful, rejecting both family & friends. They befriend evil people & under their influence
soon adopt the same kinds of bad habits. They come to take what is false to be true.
Such children may be enticed
by others to leave their families & run away to live in other towns, thus denouncing their parents & rejecting
their native town. They may become salesmen or crvil servants who languish in comfort & luxury. They may marry in haste
& that new bond provides yet another obstruction which prevents them from returning home for long periods of time.
Or, in going to
live in other towns, these children may be incautious & find themselves plotted against or accused of doing evil. They
may be unfairly locked up in prison. Or they may meet with illness & become enmeshed in disasters & hardships, subject
to the terrible pain of poverty, starvation & emaciation. Yet no one there will care for them. Being scorned & disliked
by others, they will be abandoned on the street. In such circumstances, their lives may come to an end. No one bothers to
try to save them. Their bodies swell up, rot, decay & are exposed to the sun & blown away by the wind. The white bones
entirely disintegrate & scatter as these children come to their final rest in the dirt of some other town.
These children
will never again have a happy reunion with their relatives & kin. Nor will they ever know how their ageing parents mourn
for & worry about them. The parents may grow blind from weeping or become sick from extreme grief & despair. Constantly
dwelling on the memory of their children, they may pass away, but even when they become ghosts, their souls still cling to
this attachment & are unable to let it go.
Others of these unfilial
children may not aspire to learning, but instead become interested in strange & bizarre doctrines. Such children
may be villainous, coarse & stubborn, delighting in practices that are utterly devoid of benefit. They may become involved
in fights & thefts, setting themselves at odds with the town by drinking & gambling. As if their own debauchery were
not enough, they drag their brothers into it as well, to the further distress of their parents.
If such children do live
at home, they leave early in the morning & do not return until late at night. Never do they ask about the welfare
of their parents or make sure that they don't suffer from heat or cold. They do not inquire after their parents' well being
in the morning or the evening, nor even on the first and fifteenth of the lunar month. In fact, it never occurs to these unfilial
children to ever ask whether their parents have slept comfortably or rested peacefully. Such children are simply not concerned
in the least about their parents' well being. When the parents of such children grow old & their appearance becomes more
and more withered & emaciated, they are made to feel ashamed to be seen in public & are subjected to abuse & oppression.
Such unfilial children may end up with a father who
is a widower or a mother who is a widow. The solitary parents are left alone in empty houses, feeling like guests in their
own homes. They may endure cold and hunger, but no one takes heed of their plight. They may weep incessantly from morning
to night, sighing and lamenting. It's only right that children should provide for ageing parents with food and drink of delicious
flavours, but irresponsible children are sure to overlook their duties. If they ever do attempt to help their parents out
in any way, they feel embarrassed and are afraid people will laugh at them. Yet, such offspring may lavish wealth and food
on their own wives and children, disregarding the toil and weariness involved in doing so. Other unfilial offspring may be
so intimidated by their wives that they go along with all of their wishes. But when appealed to by their parents and elders,
they ignore them and are totally unfazed by their pleas.
It may be the case that daughters were quite filial
to their parents before their own marriages, but that they become progressively rebellious after they marry. This situation
may be so extreme that if their parents show even the slightest signs of displeasure, the daughters become hateful and vengeful
toward them. Yet they bear their husband's scolding and beatings with sweet tempers, even though their spouses are outsiders
with other surnames and family ties. The emotional bonds between such couples are deeply entangled, and yet those daughters
hold their parents at a distance. They may follow their husbands and move to other towns, leaving their parents behind entirely.
They do not long for them and simply cut off all communication with them. When the parents continue to hear no word fromtheir
daughters, they feel incessant anxiety. They become so fraught with sorrow that it is as if they were suspended upside down.
Their every thought is of seeing their children, just as one who is. thirsty longs for something to drink. Their kind thoughts
for their offspring never cease.
The virtue of one's parents' kindness is boundless
and limitless. If one has made the mistake of being unfilial, how difficult it is to repay that kindness!"
At that time, upon
hearing the Buddha speak about the depth of one's parents' kindness, everyone in the Great
Assembly threw themselves on the ground & began beating their breasts & striking themselves until all their hairpores
flowed with blood.
Some fell unconscious
to the ground, while others stamped their feet in grief. It was a long time before they could control themselves. With loud voices they lamented, "Such suffering! What suffering! How painful! How painful! We are all offenders.
We are criminals who have never awakened, like those who travel in a dark night. We have just now understood our offenses & our very insides are torn to bits. We only hope that the World Honored One will pity us & save us. Please tell us how we can repay the deep kindness of our parents!"
At that time the
Tathagata used eight kinds of profoundly deep & pure sounds to speak to the assembly. "All of you should know this. I
will now explain for you the various aspects of this matter.
"If there were a person
who carries his father on his left shoulder & his mother on his right shoulder until his bones were ground to powder
by their weight as they bore through to the marrow & if that person were to circumambulate Mount Sumem for a hundred thousand
kalpas until the blood that flowed out from his feet covered his ankles, that person would still not have repayed the deep
kindness of his parents.
"If there were a person
who, during the period of a kalpa fraught with famine & starvation, sliced the flesh off his own body to feed his
parents & did this as many times as there are dust motes as he passed through hundreds of thousands of kalpas, that person
still would not have repayed the deep kindness of his parents.
"If there were a person
who, for the sake of his parents, took a sharp knife & cut out his eyes & made an offering of them to the Tathagatas
& continued to do that for hundreds of thousands of kalpas, that person still would not have repayed the deep kindness of his parents.
"If there were a person
who, for the sake of his father & mother, used a sharp knife to cut out his heart & liver so that the blood
flowed & covered the ground & if he continued in this way to do this for hundreds of thousands of kalpas, never once
complaining about the pain, that person still would not have repayed the deep kindness of
his parents.
"If there were a person
who, for the sake of his parents, took a hundred thousand swords & stabbed his body with them all at once so that
they enteredone side & came out the other & if he continued in this way to do this for hundreds of thousands of kalpas,
that person still would not have repayed the deep kindness of his parents.
"If there were a person
who, for the sake of his parents, beat his bones down to the marrow & continued in this way to do this for hundreds
of thousands of kalpas, that person still would not have repayed the deep kindness of his
parents.
"If there were a person
who, for the sake of his parents, swallowed molten iron pellets & continued in this way to do this for hundreds
of thousands of kalpas, that person still would not have repayed the deep kindness of his
parents."
At that time, upon
hearing the Buddha speak about the kindness & virtue of parents, everyone in the Great
Assembly wept silent tears & felt searing pain in their hearts. They reflected deeply, simultaneously brought forth shame & said to the Buddha, " World Honored One, how can we repay the deep kindness of our parents?"
The Buddha replied,
"Disciples of the Buddha, if you wish to repay your parents' kindness, write out this Sutra
on their behalf. Recite this Sutra on their behalf. Repent of transgressions & offenses on their behalf. For the sake
of your parents, make offerings to the Triple Jewel. For the sake of your parents, hold the precept of pure eating. For the
sake of your parents, practice giving & cultivate blessings. If you're able to do these things, you're being a filial child. If you don't do these things,
you're a person destined for the hells."
The Buddha told Ananda,
"If a person is not filial, when his life ends & his body decays, he will fall into the Spaceless, Avici Hell. This great
hell is eighty thousand yojanas in circumference & is surrounded on all four sides by iron walls. Above, it is covered
over by nets & the ground is also made of iron. A mass of fire bums fiercely, while thunder roars & bright bolts of
lightning set things afire. Molten brass & iron fluids are poured over the offenders' bodies. Brass dogs & iron snakes
constantly spew out fire & smoke which burns the offenders & broils their flesh & fat to a pulp.
"Oh, such suffering!
Difficult to take, difficult to bear! There are poles, hooks, spears & lances, iron halberds & iron chains, iron hammers
& iron awls. Wheels of iron knives rain down from the air. The offender is chopped, hacked, or stabbed & undergoes
these cruel punishments for kalpas without respite.
Then they enter the remaining
hells, where their heads are capped with fiery basins, while iron wheels roll over their bodies, passing both horizontally
& vertically until their guts are ripped open & their bones & flesh are squashed to a pulp. Within a single day,
they experience myriad births & myriad deaths. Such sufferings are a result of committing the five rebellious acts &
of being unfilial when one was alive."
At that time, upon
hearing the Buddha speak about the virtue of parents' kindness, everyone in the Great Assembly
wept sorrowfully & addressed the Tathagata, "On this day, how can we repay the deep kindness
of our parents?"
The Buddha said,
"Disciples of the Buddha, if you wish to repay their kindness, then for the sake of your
parents print this Sutra. This is truly repaying their kindness. If one can print one copy,
then one will get to see one Buddha.
If one can print
ten copies, then one will get to see ten Buddhas. If one can print one hundred copies, then one will get to see one hundred
Buddhas. If one can print one thousand copies, then one will get to see one thousand Buddhas. If one can print ten thousand
copies, then one will get to see ten thousand Buddhas.
This is the power derived when good people print Sutras. All Buddhas will forever protect such people with their kindness & can immediately cause the parents of such people
to be reborn in the heavens, to enjoy all kinds of happiness & to leave behind the sufferings of the hells."
At that time, Ananda
& the rest of the Great Assembly - the asuras, garudas, kinnaras, mahoragas, people, non-people & others, as well
as the gods, dragons, yakshas, gandarvas, wheel-turning sage kings & all the lesser kings - felt all the hairs on their
bodies stand on end when they heard what the Buddha had said.
They wept grievously
& were unable to stop themselves. Each one of them made a vow saying, "All of us, from now until the exhaustion of the
bounds of the future, would rather that our bodies be pulverized into small particles of dust for a hundred thousand kalpas,
than to ever go against the Thus Come One's sagely teachings.
We would rather
that our tongues be plucked out, so that they would extend for a full yojana & that for a hundred thousand kalpas an iron
plough would run over them; we would rather have a hundred-thousand bladed wheel roll freely over our bodies, than ever go
against the Tathagata's sagely teachings.
We would rather
that our bodies be ensnared in an iron net for a hundred thousand kalpas, than ever go against the Tathagata's sagely teachings.
We would rather that for a hundred thousand kalpas our bodies would be chopped, hacked, mutilated & chiselled into ten
million pieces so that our skin, flesh, joints & bones would be completely disintegrated, than ever go against the Tathagata's
sagely teachings."
At that time, Ananda,
with a dignity & a sense of peace, rose from his seat & asked the Buddha, "World Honored One, what name shall this Sutra have when we accord with it &
uphold it?"
The Buddha told Ananda,
"This Sutra is called THE SUTRA ABOUT THE DEEP KINDNESS OF PARENTS & THE DIFFICULTY OF REPAYING
IT. Use this name when you accord with it & uphold it."
At that time, the
Great Assembly, the gods, humans, asuras & the others, hearing what the Buddha has said, were completely delighted. They
believed it, received it & offered up their conduct in accord with it & then bowed & withdrew.
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