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welcome! to feeling emotional, 3!
after looking things over here at feeling emotional,
3, try out "the layer down under," (part of
the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
Another Suggestion! Visit the homepage because it has more information about the emotional feelings network of sites!
 
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link
words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "feeling
emotional, 3," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites
included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined
link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
A man is known by the company he keeps,
they say.
If
it's so, then everyone is bound to have their baggage of loneliness w/them as companions.
Loneliness
isn't something that doesn't exist at all w/any human being on earth. Every human
being feels lonely
in his life at some point or the other. It's but natural to have such feelings, because that's what that makes us all human & that's why we are as we are.
If
we shed some light on why we feel aloof
or lonely at times, we'd be very much
astonished or even probably surprised by the results. We ourselves are
responsible for our self-defined gloominess. This is because at times we
really feel that we're uncared for or feel someone doesn't
understand us.
Sometimes we over analyze real life situations & have this growing sense of self pity inside us. This feeling always gives us thoughts which picturize us always receiving the wrong end of the stick in life. The
truth might not always be true
if we touch our heart & see.
It's
just that our expectations in life & from
people around us or circumstances that we're facing, have got the better of us. Expectation is the silent killer which murders millions
of mushy & time tested relationships.
If there would've been no expectations from anyone, the world would've been a much better
place to be. If there would've been no expectations, not many people would've had an aching
heart & a life long grouse against their would have been better halves. If it wouldn't have been for unreasonable expectations not many couples would've divorced each other.
How to come
out of expectations then? Good question.
The answer is when you give something, don't expect anything in return. When our mother gave birth to
us, she never expected that we would give birth to her.
She just fulfilled her
desire to raise a family & live for them.
In the same way, let our actions make us live for
our self & let not expectation screw up the major portion of your lives. Let us have the freedom & willpower to express our love, affection & longing for people whenever we feel. Let's not restrict
our freedom of expression just because he or she isn't responding the way we want them to.
Well all in all, a
little bit of loneliness
is good for a self analysis to keep a check over your actions. Introspection always make you communicate w/the
inner self. But too much of introspection can make you scale the altitude
of self pity. So show restrain at the right time.
Loneliness
Feeling lonely at times is very human. There are different kinds of loneliness:
-
feeling as though you don't have enough (or any)
friends
-
-
Sometimes we suffer because of a false belief about ourselves: "If I'm alone, then something must be wrong w/me. Perhaps I'm unlovable." This feeling may be a symptom of insufficient
self-love.
On the other hand, growing up in a society that promotes a dependence upon or even an addiction to external things for a sense of well being - food, clothes, drugs, other people - leaves many of us floundering when left all
to ourselves.
Some of us may have internalized the false view that to be happy is to be surrounded by others at all times, regardless of how we may
feel in their company.
And
yet, if we can learn to be truly intimate w/ourselves, then we’re never alone. This sort of intimacy, however, isn’t always easy
to come by. It may take facing the wounded, deficient parts of ourselves, as well as the wonderful, abundant parts.
In
many families such parts were rejected & denied & therefore went underground, perhaps festering into a low-grade
depression. Therapy frequently involves facing & integrating these rejected parts & experiences. These neglected parts of ourselves often carry a heavy burden of shame.
Shame too can isolate us
from others, contributing to our loneliness. Group therapy & other mutually accepting relationships can offer an antidote to shame, as we explore our common vulnerability & see that our deepest secrets are not the terrible beasts
we imagined.
Written by: Mark Evans, Ph.D./University
of Oregon Counseling Center
Loneliness
Leigh
Devereaux
School
of Psychology, Doctoral Program
Northcentral
University
The state of loneliness, unlike solitude, is as a chronic, distressful mental condition whereby an individual feels estranged from peers & starved
for the emotional intimacy found in relationships. Leigh Devereaux's paper
entitled "Loneliness" presents a profile of this under-researched condition, helping
to define what it is & isn’t as well as provide some insight into methods of treatment.
Moreover, this essay specifies types of loneliness, reviews the measurement
scales utilized to diagnose such a state & probes the question, "Who are the lonely?"
With
over 6 billion people on the planet it's difficult to imagine any of us would be lonely. In fact, as we sit in
traffic among thousands of our neighbors or wait in long lines at the grocery, we often wish for more space or even solitude. But loneliness & the state of being alone are different entities.
Aloneness is simply being physically away from others. Loneliness, however,
can be defined as a chronic, distressful mental
state whereby an individual feels estranged from or rejected by peers &
is starved for the emotional intimacy found in relationships & mutual activity (Weiss, 1973).
i.e.,
it's neither depression nor grief. Though depression may result from loneliness, the two aren’t synonymous.
A lonely individual is driven to establish new relationships to eradicate the distressful state
he endures. A depressed individual, however, is unwilling to impose her unhappiness on others & therefore
remains in isolation (Weiss, 1973).
Loneliness also differs from grief. Though loneliness could result from the death of
a spouse or the end of some significant relationship that may have comprised the bulk of an individual's social interaction,
it’s not equivalent to grief.
Grief is the process of coming to terms
w/great loss while loneliness is simply a component of this procedure responding
to the absence of the beloved (Weiss, 1973).
Loneliness is also not the self-imposed, constructive isolation of artists & writers viewed in an almost
romantic light. Before Weiss' scientific studies were published in the early 1970’s, psychologists reported in anecdotal
fashion about the correlation between loneliness & creativity (Mahon, Yarcheski & Yarcheski, 1996).
They
expounded on the positive relationship
between isolation & the artistic process, implying that managing the loneliness of the operation was pivotal to producing a creative work. Though many artists seek voluntary solitude as a means to spark the Muse & focus on a project, constructive aloneness isn't tantamount to a state of loneliness.
In
fact, when adolescents were tested for loneliness & creativity to determine if this correlation existed, an
inverse relationship was found (Mahon, Yarcheski & Yarcheski, 1996). Adolescents
who rated themselves highest on creativity engaged in complex, emotional attachments, which offset loneliness.
Moreover,
those who rated highest on loneliness were less likely to engage in creative endeavors as the bulk of their energy was
allotted to alleviating their state of loneliness.
Along
this line, loneliness is also not the self-imposed isolation sought for spiritual purposes. Taoists speak of a state known as "returning" which is the centering of the self after having been involved in the day's social activities (Deng, 1992).
Returning
constitutes isolation from others to cleanse oneself of their influences. The same is true
of monks & nuns of many religions who live a cloistered existence, sometimes abandoning speech or other forms of human interaction as a means to achieve greater
enlightenment on spiritual matters. Again, this is chosen solitude alleviating distractions & designed to achieve a specific
goal & doesn’t accurately reflect the distressful, unwanted state of loneliness.
Types of
Loneliness
Loneliness can be divided into 2 categories w/separate symptomology &
differing courses of treatment (Weiss, 1973). The first area is the loneliness
of emotional
isolation brought about by the loss of
a significant relationship in one's life thru death or divorce.
The
only means by which this loneliness can be remedied is by
finding another equally important relationship
to fill the void, not just by becoming socially active in a superficial, non-intimate manner.
Emotional isolation is strongly reminiscent of a child's fear of abandonment (Weiss, 1973).
In addition, this loneliness type is often accompanied by hyper-alertness & anxiety, which makes the individual oversensitive to social cues leading them to misinterpret or exaggerate the intentions
of others whether positive or negative (Weiss, 1973). This hypersensitivity further dampens the likelihood of filling the void they experience.
It’s
no coincidence that emotional isolation is compared to the fearful abandonment feelings of childhood. Attachment styles learned in childhood as a means of relating to
a caregiver are repeated thru adulthood as one bonds in other significant relationships (Baron & Byrne, 2000).
Therefore
an individual who achieves a secure attachment style w/a caregiver in childhood is less likely to experience loneliness
as an adult as they have developed trust & social skills that facilitate interpersonal relationships (Baron & Byrne, 2000). Moreover, they're likely to have higher self-esteem, which enhances their desirability.
Emotional isolation has also been termed "loneliness of early detachment experiences" (Hojat, 1987) & even
"primary loneliness" to differentiate it from other temporary types as well as to emphasize its etiology as coming
from the first & as Freud would say, the most important relationship between mother & child.
Though
Weiss' term of emotional isolation emphasizes adult
attachment styles rather than early development & a broken bond
between infant & mother, the etiological emphasis is clearly focused on an individual's
inability to relate to others rather than external, transitory circumstance.
The
second type is called the loneliness of social isolation, which involves the deficiency of a social network or "the absence of a place in an accepting community" (Andersson
et. al., 1987).
The
feelings in this form of loneliness revolve around boredom, a lack of focus & a sense of being marginalized or rejected by
peers.
Once
this individual has access to a network of social interaction, the symptoms usually dissipate. However, Weiss believed there were as many as 6 different types of relationships that are all required by an individual (Vincenzi & Grabosky, 1987) & a deficit in any one of them could produce feelings of social loneliness.
Those relationships include attachments which he defines as associations in which one feels a sense of safety & security such as w/a spouse or parent; social integration wherein a network
of relationships is provided in a group setting such as a neighborhood, church or club &
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